Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas 2010

December 26… yup it’s time for a Christmas blog post! I think it’s required or something. Moving on…

As I grow older I feel that my material gifts keeps on decreasing. This Christmas I received only one gift from my friend but aside from that I have no other gifts from my friends. I also received money from my parents but I haven’t used it to buy anything yet and due to circumstances I can’t really use it to buy the thing I want to buy. I also received gifts from work and I’m so thankful that they added me to their list even if I’m still new. *tears of joy* Plus my mother finally bought me a hula-hoop. (\^o^/)

But it wasn’t like this when I was younger. Let’s say 10 years ago I eagerly woke up every December 25 so that I could use my new purse/bag and go around the neighbourhood. My ninang/ninong just lived nearby back then so I can easily pester them every Christmas. I used to come with my brother as well so even my brother’s godparents give me gifts too. I always get a lot every Christmas… toys, money, and school stuff. I always enjoyed receiving stationary and writing materials for some reason even more than toys. The point is I never ran out of gifts and I remember my hands would get tired from tearing those Christmas wrappers.

But now everything is different.

I think people are getting poorer or maybe I’m just getting older or maybe I am getting more contented.

I suddenly stopped wishing from anything from anyone. “It’s better to give than to receive”. I started believing in that quote quite strongly than ever before. Sometimes even if they don’t give me any material things just a simple “Merry Christmas” out of their busy schedule would suffice. I know that they can’t give anything else so I am grateful to have received something from them at all. Yup, I guess I got older. Only old people would think of things like this.

But seriously there was only one gift that I was waiting for this Christmas… sadly I didn’t get it. Oh well.

Moving on… even if I didn’t get more presents and that certain gift I guess I was happy this Christmas. There is no such thing as the perfect way to spend Christmas… how you spend your Christmas Eve is surely your best way of celebrating Christmas. My brother and I watched One Piece episodes and Invader Zim (Hooray for Zim Marathon!) on Christmas Eve while eating our humble feast. That was very enjoyable and I think it’s the best way we could spend our Christmas.

So there is my Christmas post… there’s something else I would be posting but I’m too lazy to post that for now…



Sunday, October 31, 2010

Going home alone

I am used to it so I don’t really care. There are times though that I enjoy going home more than when I am with someone. I can walk at my own pace. I can listen to music and ignore everything around me. I can even have a mental conversation with myself… although the last one was not recommended.

Since I am alone I can take my time in enjoying stuff like this. I am often distracted too but I just don't wander off when I'm with someone. I don't want the person I am with to feel burdened because of my habits.

But I would love to walk home with someone, I want to have someone to talk with. It’s not healthy to talk to myself so at least I want someone to talk to or share things with. It gets lonely especially when I'm walking or when something would remind me of my friends or when I see other people with friends or special someones.
Also, eating isn't the same when I don't have anyone to talk to or share the food with. It's not really lonely but somehow it's not fun. I sometimes think of fun or interesting stuff while eating... but since I'm alone I can't laugh about it. That really sucks.

But seriously, I don't care about it anymore... I laugh and have a conversation with myself. Just mentally, of course, since I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy. I like to think that I'm having a date with myself. The thought seemed to be working for me. I don't feel a little bit lonely.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Some things...

Looking back…
Sometimes after accomplishing something a person will look back at the days of anxiety and endless nights of caffeine just to laugh at the experience. It feels good. However, in my case even if I’m in the middle of those days I already look forward to that certain day of recollection. “Someday, I’ll look back on this day and laugh about it.” That’s one of the ways on how I motivate myself. I always look forward to that tomorrow where everything should be ok.

Anyway, I finished it. The SP I worked on for many months… I’ve finished it. I never thought that it would be near perfect but it somehow exceeded my expectations. There were many wrong moves and mistakes in the past but I don’t like regretting them. I think of them as very important factors that brought me to where I am now.

I am looking back at those days and nights.
I am laughing. I do feel good.

Being in LB

I always like being in LB. That place gives me some sense of freedom. Ewan. Even though half of me feel embarrassed staying in other people’s houses, the other half can sleep soundly without even thinking about such embarrassment. I like being with friends and that’s for sure. They never let me feel loneliness. I am so grateful for having friends like those.

I like LB. But I know that Elbi now is not my home anymore. My time had passed. I know LB had always welcomed me but those welcoming smiles would decrease every year and someday there won’t be a familiar smile anymore. I’ll become just another stranger in a place I once called my home.

There are still left though but even with all that I still felt like it’s not my home anymore. I know exactly what or rather who is missing.

The main reason why I feel contented in LB just wasn’t there anymore. This made a lot of difference. This made the whole place unfamiliar to me.

Although I know it’s already too much to ask but I wanted him to be with me as well. If we could walk the same street, road or grass we used to walk on then maybe I could feel like I’m 2 or 4 years back in time again. Maybe I could also recall what it felt like to be home in LB again.

Monday, August 23, 2010

SOMA cum laude 2010 video

I'm always proud of my videos... I treat them like my babies or something... I just love making videos and will find any excuse to make one.

If I add all the time I spent in making this video it would take one day. This one is very special because the video clips were really behaved while I was making it. The clips were cooperating with me and so was my laptop. In the end I can't help but watch it again and again and again...

This one I made to promote SOMA's activity (note: any form of excuse) I wasn't required to make a video but I volunteered myself just for the pleasure of making a video.

Trivia about this video:
1. Even though R2 was also covered by the quiz contest. I had no idea that it was included so there are no r2 clips found here.
2. I actually used the trailer for code geass episode 24-25 on the video. I just placed it there and the timing and emotion I was aiming for was there. I was too amazed to even think it was accidental.
3. The code geass clips doesn't have subtitles... since I used the English dub version. The only voice I like in the English dub of Code Geass was Cornelia... No one would ever be able to defeat Jun Fukuyama as Lelouch.
4. I got lazy on that part where the videos were zooming out. Even my brother knew I could've at least cleaned that part...
5. I edited O Fortuna since it was so long and because the volume levels of the silent part and the loud parts were so significantly different that it is annoying.

as you can see I enjoyed myself. Whatever the outcome of this video I was happy.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I want to draw!!

I was scanning around fanarts when I suddenly realized that I want to draw again. I know it's easy to draw but I can't even submit my drawings to DA or something... I can scan my drawings but they're not "clean" enough for me. Even after scanning it I want to erase some traces of paper... color over the other parts... you know photoshop things. My real problem is that I just can't do it properly on a mouse. I want a tablet so bad... T_T after I get done with this SP I swear I'll demand a tablet from my parents and draw until my creative juices run dry!

Anyway just recently I lost my voice and surely I got my voice back again. I always think that every time I lose my voice the moment it comes back it would be better and more beautiful... you know... like when you're body building... you strain your muscles to get better muscles. I just think it works like that.

Well I lost my voice because of this song

Note to self again: DON'T EVER TRY TO SING LIKE Nodoame. Seriously I can pull off this song without hurting my throat but somehow Nodoame's version influenced me a lot and thus the lost of voice.

and the moment my voice started to come back (like after a week or so...) I started recording this song and finally uploaded it on youtube.

as far as my SP is concerned... well... don't want to talk about it.

Monday, July 19, 2010

One Piece: One day

So this is the new Opening song for One Piece. It's okay I guess... better than the Impel Down - Kaze wo Sagashite combination last time. It's just that it's a bit sad for a war arc. The animation was good and each major player in the arc had well-deserved screen time each showing off their powers. No big spoilers though *ehem*Sabo*ehem*Ace'smagmahole* so I'm quite sure that it's a good opening song for the anime-viewers only.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Watching Eclipse

My sister and I watched Twilight saga: Eclipse this Saturday with Jam. I never thought Jam would come all the way to SM Fairview to watch it with me. Jam's place was very far from SM Fairview. I was glad she could watch it with me. I've watched the first two movies with her... it sort of become a tradition of ours. ^______________^

Anyway the movie was great. I've read the book and of course I noticed some differences from the original material but it was alright. I mean... I was expecting it to be different at some point because the theater of my mind is totally different from the big screen.

I had so much fun fangirling with them. Eclipse was really cool. Carlisle, Jasper and Alice, Jacob (lalo na mga hirit niya), jealous Edward... It's really better than Twilight and New moon combined. Eclipse is my favorite book among the four and now I think it's my favorite movie among the Twilight saga.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Went to Toycon2010 yesterday. Although I was expecting it, the number of people still astounded me. I still enjoy going to conventions.

Somehow even if there are some people around me who were losing interest in things like these, I still managed to be the same. I don't know when this kind of fascination will fade.

Right... back to Toycon.

I am frustrated since somehow I don't feel like I completed my trip to Toycon this year. The number of pictures I've taken were too few. There were some cosplayers whom I wanted to take pictures with but I didn't have any chance. There were also so many toys and stuff I wanted to buy but somehow I don't have any money for it.

Oh well ever since ever I always knew that buying stuff isn't the reason why I go to Toycon. I enjoy just looking at the things that I know I would never have.

I bought myself a keychain though... just a simple reminder that this year's toycon wasn't a dream.

Next year... I hope that somehow next year I wouldn't have to keep myself from buying the things I want.

Well I plan to cosplay next year... but then again all these are just plans...

I'll have to wait what will happen until it actually happens.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Going out on Thursday

There was one time when I woke up early in the morning and everyone was just being noisy around the house... at that point I suddenly wished I was back at LB. That’s when I decided on this: if I ever graduate I would try to get a job that is far from home so that I could live somewhere else again. I love my family but if you’re with them most of the time I feel like I'm suffocating. I try my best to please everyone most of the times. They can’t understand the things I do and don’t do, the decisions I make and don’t make… since they’re my family I often just give up and let them be even if it annoys me. I don’t want that kind of life. Ever since college I had realized that my life isn’t about anyone else but me. I should be the one making the final decisions. I should be the one who will take the step.

I know my limits and the reality that I am still a student that’s why I don’t pretend that I can live without my parents unlike some other teenagers or people similar my age. I know very well that I cannot live on my own right now, that’s why I just let my mother do what she wants with my life but as soon as I can live on my own I would surely break away from here.


Anyway, last Thursday (June 10) my friend and I went out since she wanted to go to church. I happily went with her. I missed her and I would rather go out and hurt my feet from walking than to stay inside the house and hurt my butt from sitting.

We decided to meet in Megamall but since my friend was exploring another route I arrived at our meeting place earlier than her. So I went with a date with myself. I went to some toy stores and gift shops. Somehow at that moment I hoped that I already have a job. There’re so many things I want to buy for myself and for other people too bad that I don’t have any extra money with me.

When she finally arrived we had lunch and went to church by walking there. It was a long walk and I was thankful that I wore flats that day. We stayed there for a while praying silently. I prayed about lots of things that at some point it seems like I’m talking casually rather than praying. I haven’t done this for a while. My heart felt lighter and at ease after that.

I wonder if you know where we went

We then stayed at a bookstore for a while just reading on the floor.

Inside the mall...

My friend never rode on an MRT before and that was her first time. I was just glad I was with her. I remembered my first time riding the MRT. It was very exciting.

We then went to Trinoma. Since our other friends were not there yet, we went around the mall. I bought myself some USB-powered light. I was really planning to buy one. We also went to Comic Alley where I found this cute Len plushie. I wanted to buy it so bad. I was holding on to it the whole time we were inside the store. I almost imagined that it was mine.

Isn't he adorable?

But alas, I don’t have enough money so I had to leave it there. GOODBYE LEN!
Len Kagamine... soon you'll be mine

After that was karaoke. Because of the rain they were late. I was really worried about the time because I needed to go back home.

Although it annoys me to no end, I just had to go home before everyone. We just had dinner and they send me home.

Afterwards I learned that they went to another place to drink after I left. Even though I was a little envious I still stopped myself from reacting childishly. I believe that next time I would be with them until we all go home. Stupid curfew. Someday… I won’t have one anymore! Yeah!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Finally the Den Den Mushi (Snail phone) is complete. It’s a very nice little project since we could still use the phone afterwards. At first, I thought my brother only wanted to make a Den den mushi for display but when I saw the phone parts scattered inside our room I knew this is going to be an interesting project.

But of course the den den mushi isn’t as perfect as it should be. This was handmade and it was pretty obvious from the appearance alone. It also doesn’t make the den den mushi ringing sound which upsets us so much. Finally, the voice form the other line doesn’t come out from the den den mushi’s mouth. But even with these faults it was still awesome (well at least for us). COME ON IT’S A WORKING DEN DEN MUSHI! ß One Piece fan.

Anyway here’re the things we used to make this:

Phone parts – make sure that phone was working before and will still work after you acquire the parts.

Cutting stuff – scissors, cutter, knife even a small saw were used

Paper – you need lots that’s why we used that old telephone directory

Carton – something harder than paper to provide the base for the shape.

Sticky stuff – to stick the paper together. Gawgaw (Starch or cornstarch I guess…) + warm water = gooey sticky stuff. But you could use other concoction like glue + water…

Coloring stuff – we used poster color.

We started by making the den den mushi. Of Course we have some sort of plan or rough sketches on how to do it. My brother and I thought of it together… while discussing very significant issues (like the recent chapter of One Piece and conspiracies of the World Government)

By the way here's our plan

We made two halves of the snail where the phone parts would be placed inside. The carton was the foundation for the layers and layers of paper. The snail’s shell was just two circles while the snail itself was a right triangle. We dipped the torn paper on the gooey sticky stuff and stick them on to the carton while making sure that it was still in the right shape as according to plan. It’s like playing with clay… just sticky and made of paper.

Once everything was settled inside we put them together.

Left side part 1

Left side part 2

Right side

The receiver of the phone also had a special casing.

Since the telephone directory provided us the paper we need we can’t paint it with its color at once. The numbers and letters from the paper would be too noticeable. So we had to coat it with white first making sure that no one would be able to tell what paper we used.

white Den den mushi

white receiver

Then after that was my favourite part… we would paint it with the colors we chose. My brother wanted to make a Marine den den mushi, my sister wanted the Strawhat’s den den mushi (she even started making hats). In the end we decided to have our very own version. We didn’t buy anymore paint, instead we made used of what colors we already have around the house.

Colors we have


Another angle

what to use for the shell?

Pink and black? hmm ok


Creepy snail

Why so gay?

Finally... after almost a week?


In the end is what worth it! We are happy for our creation... well we worked hard... and we were doing this together.

Hmm... how about a Thousand Sunny in a bottle? Hmm...

Tagapaglingkod ng kasamaan and updated website

I finally finished my Servant of Evil fandub... this is quite special since I really love Len Kagamine... but somehow I still don't know if I like the final outcome or not. I really tried my best in singing and translating this song. I hope it turned out quite favorable.

I think I like fandubbing now even though I know how my voice sucks... I wish I could sing better in the future.

Oh well... I tried and I enjoyed making it. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's eardrums with this song.

Anyway here it is:

Ikaw ang prinsesa ako'y iyong tagapaglingkod
kambal tayong pinaghiwalay ng tadhana
para protektahan ko ay gagawin ko ito
ang kasamaan ko'y inaalay ko sa iyo

Simula ng pinanganak hanggang pagkabata
marami na silang plano para sa atin
kampana ng simbahan tayo'y biniyayaan
ngunit naghiwalay dahil sa kasakiman

kahit na buong mundo pa ang kalaban mo
andito ako proprotekta sa iyo
kaya't sanay lagi ka lang masaya
gagawin ko ang lahat para sa iyong ngiti

Ikaw ang prinsesa ako ang iyong tagapaglingkod
kambal tayong pinaghiwalay ng tadhana
para protektahan ka ay gagawin ko ito
ang kasamaan ko'y inaalay ko sa iyo

Nang bumisita tayo sa karatig na bansa
doon ko nakita ang luntiang dalaga
dahil sa kabaitan niya't kanyang mga ngiti
ang pagibig sa kaniya's hindi ko maialis

ngunit kung nais ng aking prinsesa
na siya'y mawala sa kaniyang landas
sasagutin ko ang pinag-uutos niya
ngunit bakit di ko mapigilang lumuha?

Ikaw ang prinsesa ako'y iyong tagapaglingkod
kambal tayong pinagmalupitan ng tadhana
Brioche po ang miryenda ninyo ngayon
at napangiti kita ng napakaganda

Hindi magtatagal ay makakarating na
ang mga taong umuusig sa atin
kahit na nararapat para sa atin ito
kahit sino pa man yan lalabanan ko

suotin mo ito ang mga damit ko
tumakas ka habang nagpapahuli ako
huwag kang mag-alala dahil kambal tayo
di nila makikita ang pagkakaiba

ako ang prinsesa
ikaw ay isang kriminal
tadhana'y pinaglaruan ang kawawang kambal
kahit na sabihin pa nilang ikaw ay masama
ang kasamaan na ito'y nasa akin ring dugo

Noong unang panahon sa isang kaharian
may masasamanag tao na naninirahan
at ang lahat ng ito'y pinamumunuan
ng aking kapatid na ubod ng rikit

kahit na buong mundo pa ang kalaban mo
sa tabi mo naririto pa rin ako
kaya sana ngayon malaya ka at masaya
gagawin ko ang lahat para sa iyong ngiti

Ikaw ang prinsesa ako'y iyong tagapaglingkod
kambal tayong pinaghiwalay ng tadhana
para protektahan ko ay gagawin ko ito
ang kasamaan ko'y inaalay ko sa iyo

Kung mabubuhay lamang ako na muli
nais kong makipaglaro sa iyo lagi


I also changed my website's layout since all that pink was getting annoying...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Things I want to do

I do things not because I know I'm good at it or because I'm getting paid for it but because I like doing it.

There's just this random idea inside my head waiting to explode and most of the time I can't sleep without thinking about it. Songs. Videos. Drawing. Fanfic. Story... whatever.

That's why I just do it. I am not talented so most of the times the end is uglier than what I had imagined...
I am no good in drawing.
I am not a good singer.
I'm not really a good writer.
I also cannot act well...

but at least that's over. I've let one idea out of my head and for a night I can sleep well.

Well, the most important part was that I enjoyed it. Thinking about it, making it and having the guts to share it. It makes me happy and it lessens stress.

So aside from my SP... I decided to do things on the side

Finished stuff:

Magnet fandub

Drawing and coloring with watercolor:

Come with me : Trying to remember how to use watercolor.
Deremof : Based on one of my stories (unfinished) I like drawing these characters...
April : One of my favorite characters. Let's just say if I'm Stephenie Meyers he's my Edward.
Cleansing : Based on that story that I have already finished. I love drawing this again and again.

on going stuff:

Den den mushi - an actual phone... I mean it's really working although it doesn't ring the same way and the snail's lips and hands aren't moving. We destroyed our old phone just to get those parts.

Fanfic - it's a One Piece fanfic...

Lost Boy AMV - Kaidan Restaurant ending song using One Piece clips... I even think about it while eating.

Other stories/novels that haven't been updated in ages.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

With a DON!

I didn’t keep fighting in the end. Today is another end and here I am completely helpless and powerless. There was nothing more I can do… or rather there was nothing more that I could push myself to do. As I watched the clock slowly ticking and the time slowly passing, I realized that I don’t feel anything as of now.
If there was one thing I would proudly say: I have no regrets.

I won’t blame anyone basically because there’s nothing to blame about. I won’t even blame myself. Somehow I’ll continue life as it is. I know someone will hate me because of this… my parents perhaps, or the people who believed in me… but if you’re disappointed I ask you this “have you ever thought how I feel about myself?” If there’s someone who has any right to hate me or think low of me it would be me. If you’re not me then I wouldn’t entertain your insults. Come back when I actually care.

“But you could finish it if you just rushed it?” I want to do this with a DON! So no. I am not going to present a crappy and rushed SP. That’s one reason why I don’t have any regrets because I know in myself that I already did what I can.

“I knew you needed help.” I won’t be blaming anyone because first of all no one helped me. I won’t whine about being alone and such… because I chose to do this alone. I will graduate because of my skills. Call it pride or whatever you want but like I said time and again: as long as I know I can still do it I won’t ask for any help. I’ll know when I can’t do it by myself anymore… and that’s the time I’ll ask for help. I know my limits but until then I think I can do this by myself. If you really want to help me you can always give me moral support... maybe cakes or coffee.

Although I am sorry… 
I am sincerely apologizing to those who believed in me. I just didn’t finish it. No excuses. No reasons. It was just not finished. And if I may have let you down then I would humbly bow down before you and say “I’m sorry” and smile again. I am very happy that you believed in me and continued to believe until the very end and I am hoping that you’re still going to believe in me. My fight isn’t over yet… so I still need you there. I won’t force you but I would be very grateful if you’d still believe in me. Just being there means the world to me.

Plans? So what now?

I will continue what I am doing. I will finish it. I assure you… I just don’t know how. I will confidently say this sem. But I can always say that since I am still working on it. I also plan to work even without graduating first… as to where I’m going to work. Well, I still don’t know myself. Care to help me?

It is during these times that I wish there’s a maid café in the Philippines. I would like to work there. My greatest dream though is to be a dubber or voice actress but I know I lack the skills.

Oh well… *stretches* I will continue working. My life isn’t over yet so I have to look and push forward. I will finish what I started no matter how long it takes. There’s still more work to do and I’m more than willing to do it.

I smile once more as I look forward to another day.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Saturday, May 15, 2010


Dasoku, clear, Asamaru, amu, and Micchan are releasing an album under the unit name PointFive(.5). Jack is included as a guest vocalist. The CD is produced by PUPI, with artwork by Akiakane. There are going to be covers of VOCALOID songs, as well as new, original compositions. The only producer I know so far that is participating is Nem (he wrote Scissorhands). Genres include acapella, rock, and ballads, creating an overall tone of "harmony".

Monday, May 10, 2010

Twilight Saga: Eclipse

This is my favorite book among the four as to why tell you later but first:

We all know that Twilight is a mushy teen romance novel that has vampires in it... and since I'm a fan of cheesy teen romance I like it. But among the four books this one is my favorite.

1. Love Triangles: My favorite part of romance is when the girl is being fought over (being fought over by two handsome men is a big plus). I know it would be frustrating to choose over two good men but somehow every woman secretly wants that to happen to her. (Haba ng hair!)

2. More action: Since they get to have more fight scenes here than the other books. Come on! It's a newborn vampire army so of course there should be more fight scenes and flying body parts. Even though it was not presented properly in the book because it was from Bella's perspective I love to imagine Victoria being ripped apart by Edward...limb by limb... head flying...yeah I know there's something seriously wrong with me.

3. Edward is becoming more and more like the guy I actually want to marry and a guy who would never exist in real life. Bella wants sex. Edward wants marriage. If someone like Edward would tell us to wait because he wants to get married first I would never let go of him. It's love and not just mere lust. I have always dreamed of a guy who is not only after a woman's body but who is after a woman itself. But that just made Edward's existence less probable in real life.

It's this June so I would surely watch it. I've already planned to watch the movie with my younger sister... and I know it would be a great fangirling experience.

"I would fight for you until your heart stops beating."

Saturday, May 8, 2010

One Piece: Episode 0

I just watched One Piece Episode 0 on Youtube... come on it's really awesome~~ but somehow the video was removed.

If I only live in Japan I'll probably be one of those people who had lined up for Strong World but since I live in a country that will never show Strong World I can only cry.

I want to support One Piece to the fullest but what can I do? I'm not earning money yet... oh well.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


I finally had time to change what my blog looks like. I missed posting something here.

I haven't really done anything else nowadays. My day is filled with One Piece and my nights are concentrated on making my SP. I know I can finish it… not sure when though.

Anyway, I was browsing all of my accounts one night then I decided to check on my ongoing fanfics. I really enjoy writing fanfics that’s why seeing it having more than a thousand hits on made me really happy. I want to continue writing that fanfic but I don’t have the time. SP should be my first priority before anything else.

It’s so easy to be distracted though. Even though I know that I should remain focused there are some people around me who’re causing me problems. It’s quite annoying really. FOCUS. FOCUS. I should not be bothered but I cannot do anything about it.

I wonder if I’d really be able to finish this SP without going insane.

I really want to sleep... a long never-ending sleep...

Saturday, April 3, 2010

One Piece

One Piece?

It inspired me to dream big! Life is a big adventure and everyone has their own "One Piece" to search for. Even if your past is too grim, or even people laughs at your dream or even if there are many obstacles on your way if you keep working hard and do everything for your dream... you're gonna make it happen!


If anyone would ask me if One Piece inspired me I'll answer them with a very sure 'Yes... a lot.'

I know that One Piece is fictional but the values and beliefs imparted by some of the characters in the story had made a big deal on my life.

Dreams. Luffy and many other characters had inspired me to dream big that no matter how many laughs at or ridicules your dreams... they are your dreams and by doing something you can make it happen. It is not bad to dream big especially if you're willing to fight or work hard to achieve it. Seriously... this is better than being lazy all this without any goal in life whatsoever.

Nakamas. I know there had been many other stories that teach people about friendship I don't know why but One Piece had the biggest impact on me regarding this issue. Zoro's bond to Luffy is so deep and strong that I hate it when people put malice to it (making it yaoi material and stuff). It is so wonderful to have a big dream an there are people who would support you until the end... it's so beautiful... working to achieve everyone's goal.It is also very heartwarming to know that there are people around to support you and would just be there even in the toughest of times. Sometimes a person would be a hundred times stronger if he or she just acknowledges the fact that he or she is not alone in life. Like me... I have my family and friends whom I would do anything to protect.

Treasure. Something that's greater than money. Like (for Whitebeard) a family or freedom, or companions. I think life is a quest.. a quest to find you're treasure. It may not make you the wealthiest man or woman on earth but it would make you the happiest and most contented.

Smile. Even in the darkest of days, even in the worst situations, even in the face of certain death... a smile can turn anything around. If there is something Luffy inspired me to do... is to smile and just believe.

Even if One Piece is fictional the values and lessons it imparts and the fire it bring to the reader's hearts worldwide are more realistic than anything else in this world.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's been a long time... time to rant!

It’s been a while journal. It’s been a while since I wrote here and because of something I decided to write again.

It started with a question inside my head. I never really thought about it for a while with it but I think that thinking about it seemed important.

The question was: why am I doing all these ‘weird’ stuff?

If you know me then you would understand if you don’t then I hope you find this short rambling to be interesting.

I smile whenever I hear that question inside my head. I never really answered it myself until now. However, upon thinking really hard it made me realized how long the explanation for such characteristic.

When I was younger… like 10-16 years old young… I was a very shy girl. I never really spoke whatever it is inside my head. I never really liked talking to anyone. I would rather hide inside my head and talk to myself. I know then that my train of thought is just different from everyone else’s so I never really say anything about what’s going on in my head.

Like I said, I was shy. I never really speak unless necessary and finally I was always afraid.

Although I was shy there was something that I’d really want to achieve. It was something that cannot be achieved especially if one is shy and quiet. No. I don’t want to be famous. Fame is something that was not even on my list. Rather than being famous, I wanted to be remembered. I doesn’t matter how many or how long but I just want to be remembered by anyone and everyone I’ve met. I want to have a piece of me inside their hearts and minds that whenever they pass me by on the streets they would call my name, or at least wave at me, or at least look at me and say ‘hey I know her…’

Like a character said, “to be forgotten is worse than death.”

But the problem is I am just shy. The wall would even be more memorable than me. Because I’m too shy and afraid I became too normal. No one really remembers a person who seemed like everyone else.

“People remember those kinds of people… the weird ones.” Another person said that to me once. She was talking about a classmate of mine… soon later that certain classmate of mine turned my whole world inside out.

He inspired me at some point and changed me. He didn’t even know what he did. It just happened.

From then on I started to change myself. Little by little, I learned how to speak up. Slowly, the things inside my head were flowing into words. Bit by bit, my true self surfaces.

But alas, I still live in the world of normal people and though I try to pull myself out of this shell chains of the norm entangle me once more and I helplessly go back to being normal again. The persistent mask hiding who I really want to be was removed and put on back to me a lot of time over the years.

So the battle went on. I guess I was confused a lot as to who I am. I lied a lot too. I don’t like lying but I often do it to myself.

Good thing I entered college that time. I had a chance to change who I was. I was planning to change my nickname too but in the end I failed since I’m used to my old nickname.

In the beginning I was still the same me. I hate it. I really thought I missed my chance… but then I met my crazy roommates. Each and every one of them taught me such important lessons about myself. I even think one of them influenced a quarter of who I am now.

But seriously, the one who influenced me a LOT is the same person I love now. It started with a game called corruption. It was an interesting game and I thought that I would win. In the end the game just made me remove the mask. It wasn’t really the game but rather the person. That person tore the chains that bound me as if they were only pieces of paper.

He changed me. Even more than anyone could.

However, the way he changed me was harsh. It wasn’t encouragement or little talks that made me who I am now but rather self-loathing and soul-crushing harshness that whipped me into shape. I hope that person didn’t mean any of those. I love that person… but that’s another story.
Anyway because of that person my thoughts flowed out easily without any trace of hindrance. I guess with those wretched mask and chains out of the way I can say what I think easily.

And thus, I have decided.

But as soon as I decided that it kind of blend into whom I am. I think then I speak. My wild ideas rampaged out and made me who I am now. Somehow I do not have regrets for I know this is how I really am.
There are times when I don’t mean it and then there are times when I intend to do those things. It was all for the sake of not becoming normal. It was all for the sake of being remembered. I smile, I laugh I do all those stuff so that at least a part of me would hold onto your memories.

“Yes. The last time we would be having a conversation we would talk about chest hairs.”

I always wanted to be the only person who they can talk like this and the only person who could talk about stuff like these. I do weird dances whenever I’m stressed out. I enjoy thinking out of the box. I love talking about non-existent things. I am illogical. I am irrational. I am emotional.

So that’s the answer to that question after all these musings. I am like this because I want to be a part of your memory.

However, of course there are people who cannot accept me. I do not hate them though. I accept them for who they are, I respect their views and I acknowledge our differences. I try to blend in as much as I can but I know that I can’t please anyone. I don’t force them to like me. In fact, I don’t expect them to like me at all… maybe I’m just wishing that they would remember me even when I’m part of the other list.

I still have no regrets though. I know that answering that question would further make me question what I do but I have no regrets. I have met wonderful people and it was because of them that I am now writing this and saying all these stuff. I have become who I am and I’m just happy being here.
Don’t like it? Ok then.