Thursday, July 9, 2015

Slowly but surely 3 months had passed

The last few days were more than just distractions; I am actually having fun. 

Slowly but surely, I am enjoying myself. Slowly but surely, the dreams and nightmares about him decrease. Slowly but surely, I don't cry myself to sleep anymore.

I may never recover. I may never move on. But at least I'm more than functioning. I can feel again without having to cry because he isn't there to share these feelings with me. I can genuinely be happy without having to revert back to those painful emptiness again. I can express appropriate emotions to whatever anime I'm watching or stuff I'm reading without having to pull back to myself again and realize how lonely I am. 

I noticed how wild these emotions are now that I have no buffer. I easily snap now and about to explode. I'm still working on that. I will overcome that... slowly but surely. 

I am still unable to read that much manga because reading manga was 'his thing' for a long long time. It still leaves me with a bittersweet ache in my heart whenever I think that "he could be reading the same thing but I bet he's not thinking about how I would react to this" 

It's true that there are so many things around me that I associate with him. He was my life for nine years so that is only natural. But if I would be bitter or sad about I would have nothing left for me. I would learn to accept all these associations. I won't even think about him. 

slowly... surely...