Deal with it

There are so many things I want to do in life but I don’t really include “travelling” in that list. I don’t mind that I can’t go to many places or try new things. I feel like I have so many things that I can do here in front of the laptop that there is no need for me to move.

But new places can be exciting as well and if an opportunity opens up why should I decline it?

But along with that excitement anxiety ensues. I don’t even know why. I thought I am so used to being alone that I can handle wherever life toss me. But I was wrong. Whenever I get to think clearly by myself those fears resurfaces. Those questions and uncertainties would go haunting me just before the moment when I close my eyes and drift into my dreams. I don’t like it either but I can’t help it. During those idle times are my weakest.

What do I think about?

I think about the things I don’t know. For me it’s as dangerous as swimming in waters you don’t know how deep. I fear that I might not be able to do the right thing at once since it’s all fairly new. The first step is always the scariest; it’s the part that I really hate. I know how I struggle at everything when I’m starting so I often wish I could just skip that part. But unfortunately I can’t so I have to deal with it.

And because I don’t know a lot about something I am bound to mess up. I don’t like messing up especially when my life is at stake or when people are counting on me. It’s something that bothers me to no end. Now I know why comfort zones are named as such.

Yes, in short, I don’t like leaving my comfort zone.

But you know what, no matter how much I whine about this to myself I would still wake up the next morning and try it anyway. It’s something I know I would do. I know there would be a little voice inside me saying “If your heart beats like that, then it is an adventure.”

Adventures. I like adventures. Then I would smile again and all those fears would subside and hide beneath my subconscious. It’s a new morning again. Those musings I had done the night before are now all in the past.

So in the end no matter how I much I tell myself that I’m scared, I would still reject it all and just go on with it. That is one annoying part of me but also the part of me that keeps me going. I would not be able to be in half of the places I’ve been. Hey, they aren’t that many but for someone who dislikes new places and travelling that’s already a big achievement.

So I know today’s rant is incoherent again and I’m just pouring out ideas that I obviously didn’t proofread... and I know that it may be insignificant to your life but this is quite important to me. I may have to read this again in the near future just to remind me how troublesome everything was for me in the beginning. I might read this after a year and just laugh at myself for being this worried... but that’s me and this is my blog... so... deal with it XP

“Onwards to our next adventure!” 

Bye bye 2011.. you shall be remembered well

In a few hours 2011 will finally end but I will never forget all the things this year had brought me.

I met a lot of interesting people, some of them even left a deep impression on me which I would never forget. I admit that I don’t agree to some of them and I know that I won’t see some of the people I met but I enjoyed meeting them, knowing them and being with them. I wish I could know them better next year.

I also learned so many things this year, which can help me continue on with my life. I had my share of bad experiences and good ones. I had a lot of major and minor problems this year. Some of those problems made me rethink my life again and again. There are times where I just don’t know where I had gone wrong but since I’m still alive and happy I know it all ended well. So now, I can look back and laugh at those stupid times and harvest the things I learned from that. I cried, I laughed but most of all I learned.

I do not regret anything I did this year for it had let me to these experiences and if I didn’t make at least one of those decisions then my whole 2011 might have been entirely different.

So, thank you 2011!  I hope you exceed my expectations 2012!

I'm practicing a song - Invisible

My laptop got stolen a few days ago among with other things inside our apartment. I won't re-tell that story because I felt that I told it to my friends so many times already...

Anyway, because of that I am now very bored. All my files are gone and all the unifinished video and audio projects will have to be postponed until I get my hands on another laptop or PC I can work those with. I plan to use my PC at home but I won't be coming home until December. So all my plans would have to wait...

So I'm bored and this was done out of boredom: (I also think it's about time to post something new here)


Click here to listen to the post.

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About the song

[Title] Invisible
[originally sang by] Leah
[From] Eden of the East: King of Eden

UP AME 2011

Just posting UP AME 2011 pics! 

well you could tell from the pics that it was fun~ 

Next year uli! 

The new certain me

To that certain you somewhere out there,

Hey, I did it. I managed to experience the same thing you felt. I finally managed to step into the world you belonged to when I met you back then. I finally managed to be the one at the center of the stage, the one that people watched. I finally achieved something I only dreamt of doing. The same thing I saw you doing. Although I’m sure it wasn’t the same thing. I’m sure that if it was you then you won’t be blinded by the bright lights. I’m sure that if it was you then you won’t shake like I did. I’m sure you would be calm. I’m sure that you won’t be amazed by your own shadow or your own reflection. I’m sure you would be more focused. I’m sure you would know what you are doing when you are doing it.

Yes, of course, it would be different.

But you know what… I’m happy it was different. I have my experiences and you have yours. I don’t know anything about your experiences and because of that I can be proud of mine. I don’t know everything you felt and in that case I can treasure all the things I felt.

It was exhilarating. Until now, when weeks had passed, I can still remember it like it happened just a moment ago. I danced, I sang and I acted. I wasn’t afraid and I had so much fun. I didn’t care what people would think of me. I didn’t care about the problems I was experiencing that time. I casted off everything that I normally am and became a totally different person.  I didn’t even care to listen to the audience’s clap or cheering the whole time. During that time, I didn’t perform to please everyone else.

I did it for me.

Back then, I just wanted to do my best… and I think I did. I think that was my best. Maybe in some other time, when I would be fortunate enough to be given a second chance, then I would perform even better than my best.

So will I stop? Of course not. I have felt how fun it is and how hard it is, so if God will give me another shot at it then I will go for it!

However, I will not forget that you had been an inspiration for me. The desire to be a part of that world even burned greater because of you. I will never forget that day when I watched you on stage and cried on the way home. For that single instance, I thank you. You may not know me but I’m forever thankful.

Hoping you are still performing until now,

The certain me.

Reasons why I like working at night.

Yes, I do work at night but that doesn't automatically makes me a call center agent. Seriously, I do not like talking to random angry people on the phone. hehe.

If you would read everything here you will soon notice how unsociable I sound. I am not really friendly. I am just nice but not friendly "feeling close" type. That is why I really love my friends because (I think) they can understand me even when I'm like this :P That made me cherish them even more.

Anyway, moving on to the main point of this blog. Here are my reasons why I like working at night:

1. Because there's no sun. Since it's nighttime of course, I won't get burned by the sun and thus, my skin won't darken. I go out of the office around 6-7 AM and even if I do see the sun in the morning when I go home, it is still not as bright as it is during 12pm where people usually go out for lunch. XD

2. Because of reason #1 I can wear black clothes or long-sleeves. I studied in UP, Los Baños and during the entirety of my stay I noticed that my dark colored clothes usually stayed at the back of the closet.  I barely wear them. Also, I don't have any shirt that has sleeves longer than my elbow. Now, since there's no sun to worry about I can wear them freely.

Now you may say that "but you can still wear them even if you're in the dayshift since the office is air-conditioned anyway and the sun won't get you once inside." Yes. But since I don't have a car (I don't even want to learn how to drive) I have to commute. Just thinking about wearing longsleeves while inside the MRT or jeepney or even while walking to the office is already making me uncomfortable. So no.

3. Transportation is faster. I usually go out of the house around 8:30 PM. By this time traffic is already moderate. I don't know why, but traffic is lighter during that time compared to going out at 7:00 PM. If there's a reason I can think of it may be "rush hour is over"? But I really am not sure. I live 30 minutes away from the office so I don't pass by the main roads like EDSA or something... but I'm taking this events into consideration: if I go to the office around 7:00PM I get there in 35-45 minutes. If I go out at 8:30 beyond it would just be around 30 minutes or less. Of course other factors should be taken into consideration like when the jeepney driver wanted to wait for passengers etc. This is also the same when I'm going home from the office. There aren't much cars before 7 AM so getting home is a breeze.

4. Avoiding social stuff. Yes, it is sad that all of my friends are going to see this movie one Friday night and I still can't go because I have work until Saturday morning but I try to be positive by thinking this way: at least I avoided spending money. So by avoiding these night-outs especially the ones held on a Friday night I get to save money to spend on other stuff like food I want to eat or cosplay. Yey! \^o^/

5. It's quiet. It's nighttime so there's less people in the office. Solitude and less pressure. :P

6. Everyone's sleeping. So there's no one that would bug me while I'm working. There're less distractions at night. No one is going to talk to me in Facebook (except for my friends on the other side of the globe but they aren't that many) or send me texts. Because more than half of my friends are sleeping, I will never be tempted to check their status every five minutes since it would be the same the whole night long. Same concept with twitter or plurk. Because of this I can focus on working and get the job done at once so I could distract yourself with other things like reading manga, watching anime and/or sleeping. Also since they aren't updating at all I can read everything they had written for the whole day. Yes it would be less interactive but I imagine how happy my friend will be to see me reply to everything s/he posted. I have all the time in the world anyway... well as soon as I get my task done. I was paid to work not to talk to my friends anyway. =_=

7. "You would know who really cares. They are the ones who would stay all night or most of it just to be there for you." LOL. Just adding this here.

8. Sunday night... everyone is sleeping early for work EXCEPT FOR ME.

9. Monday morning... I see people rushing to go to work while I lie down on my bed with a smile.

10. It's dangerous outside since it's dark and because of that I have all the right to bring around self-defense things... taser, balisong, pepper spray, cutter, knife... sword, crossbow, whip, axe, nunchucks ... sweet. *evil grin*


I know there are more disadvantages but I don't want to write about that. :T I also know that there are more advantages and these reasons are quite simple but I am not thinking of those right now that's why they aren't here. :P

Ozine 2011 and other things

Yup I went to a convention called Ozine 2011 after a long time that I haven't been into any conventions before I've been so busy with work but thank goodness that I still have time to enjoy things like this.

I haven't written in this blog for the longest time because of the same reason. I only have internet at the office and I can't really write my blog while in there... right? I guess I can... but that would just be irresponsible.

Anyway here are pictures from Ozine 2011

To know the masked person that occasionally pops up in the pictures click here. Somehow even if he's my only companion attending this convention I was still happy. Uhh... I'm always happy when I'm with him. Hahaha. I should shut up now. ^_________^

Anyway, I'm also attending classes this summer... what kind of classes? I'll post it some day... hehehe...

I also bought a second-hand phone because my old phone is really starting to bug me. No one can call me properly on that phone and most of the time it shows me a white screen... how could I contact anyone with that? So there... new phone... and it's purple... and I'm very happy about it.

Well that's all for now. I want to blog about something else but I want to sleep now... so I guess next time will do.