Baguio 2018!

I went to Baguio again. This is like my 2nd time to go to Baguio this year alone. LOL. Two of my officemates are celebrating their birthday on this trip so I have been craving for Vizco's cake ever since we planned this trip. 


The accommodation was from Airbnb and we hired a van to go there and tour us around. Everything was prepared by someone else and I don't really plan to put the details here. Anyway, our itinerary is mostly DIY, but this is Baguio so everything is just there already. 



So like I said I've been to Baguio earlier this year so to make my trip a little more exciting, I’ve decided to do a vlog or something. 


Thus, here’s my 3-part video of the 2 day trip.


Part 1


 Arrival and first half of day 1




Part 2
 After sleeping and the darker half of the day





Part 3
 Day 2 and going home

Last post of the year

Just me preparing to sing for the New Year! Because I was sick during Christmas so I couldn't sing.




KARAOKE WITH A REVENGE!

WordVomit: 2016-10-07

As you grow older, you'll realize that the different kinds of love that you once read about are real and you'll experience most of them or receive some of them throughout your life.

You may fail to recognize it at first but if you are mature enough to accept what it is, it would be the greatest thing ever! I swear, the worst thing that you could do to yourself is deny your heart of love. For whatever reason you have: got hurt before, don't believe in love, etc... never... EVER... stop your heart from loving.

However, if your heart feels nothing anymore then we can't do anything about that. I mean we can't force it to feel something it can't feel. But that is a different issue and a different thing entirely....

although I hope that somehow, someday you'll get to feel love again. Because no matter what happens I still want to see you happy.

In eLBi we call it "Freshie"

Today I learned that certain universities call their freshmen as "Frosh". Why.

I am confused, but I'll keep an open-mind. The world is a mysterious place.

PS. German siya ng frogs. I don't know if that made this revelation better or worse.

20160428 word vomit

It did not matter whether he agreed with them or not. He knew their strengths and he knew their weaknesses: the crimes, the lies, the promises, as well as all their accomplishments. He assisted them on their wonderful plans and was heartbroken when they disappointed him.

…oh, how they had broken his heart too many of times. Again and again. Like a cycle of pain and deception that could only end in destruction.  

He could stop them; yet all he could do was bow down.

Who was he anyway, but just a country? And a country is made of its people. In the end only the people had the ability to choose.

So what if the choice was made blindly, with all decisions influenced by money or fame; or if the results was as dubious as acts done in the dark? The outcome, even if questioned by most, still marked the end of the race and like all the other contests --there could only be one winner.

This was the leader that the people had chosen and he could never interfere with the voice of democracy.

He was but a witness even if he was the one who suffered the backlash the most.

He could beg. He could plead. He could lecture them to think more about their future so that the next time, they could make a better decision.

But at the end of the day, it was their vote not his.

Matimtim kong pinanunumpaan na tutuparin ko nang buong katapatan at sigasig ang aking mga tungkulin bilang Pangulo ng Pilipinas

The cycle begins anew. He looked at the newest leader… his new boss.

He knew of this one’s records: the things this leader had done for the country and the mistakes this leader had committed. He always knew.

…pangangalagaan at ipagtatanggol ang kanyang Konstitusyon, ipatutupad ang mga batas nito, magiging makatarungan sa bawat tao, at itatalaga ang aking sarili sa paglilingkod sa Bansa. Kasihan nawa ako ng Diyos.

Did the people choose wisely this time or did they doom their selves again for another six years?

None of that matter.

Because as soon as the winner was announced, he had to work, smile and support this one in every way he could.

They had a country to run and he had to be beside this leader whether he liked it or not.

Trying to art

The month just started but I'm feeling productive already.

I'm still writing Heartbeats and despite all the blocks I've been going through I still managed to update. Sadly there's like a month gap between the recent chapters and it's disappointing compared to my weekly schedule last year.

I also made a oneshot fanfic this month...which is a great thing for me since I really planned to go on fanfic hiatus due to lack of inspiration.

But most of all, I can not believe how active I was in drawing. I'm still learning and my hands are still stiff as ever... but I'm getting there... :)

So... just for the month of March. I finished these:


Heartbeats: The twins by pyroclastic-debris on DeviantArt


My lovely OCs from Heartbeats. Thinking that they are definitely younger in this one... and happier? I get all sad whenever I think about them in my story so drawing them like this makes me happy.





ZOLE_Joy by pyroclastic-debris on DeviantArt


Also Joy! Second character in the ZOLE re-draw project! I really enjoyed the colors on this one... but HOW DO YOU HAND? HOW DO YOU FEET?!

---------

Like I said... I'm getting there. Hopefully I'll be more productive in my birthmonth

Write More! Write Now! Module 1

Recently enrolled myself to this course for writing, in the hopes of enhancing my writing abilities and to just give myself a small push to write more.


For the first module  I have to think of why I write and my 'one thing' I have to focus on. I know I should write my answer on paper and put it somewhere I could see it but I want to also share it here... lalang.

------
Module 1: Think big; think small

I write because there are so many stories inside my head that are just waiting to be told. There are many characters and tales so dear to me, that the only way to show my love for them is to tell their stories. I write because I want to express myself, I want to show other people how it is to live in my head. I want to share my thoughts and feelings and imagination, and in the end take the reader inside a new adventure in the hopes that he or she would like it the same way I do.


What’s the one thing I can do this month that will make everything else easier or unnecessary. Choose one most important writing task to focus on for right now:

I believe that would still be writing Heartbeats.

This month, I really need to fix my writing schedule in order to make things easier. I tried changing the deadline of each chapter to Sunday but that's no good, so I guess I can bring it back to Thursday, which still feels like the best day for me. But before this answer gets longer, the point is I have to get around writing that story.

I walked home from Mega today... it feels like shit

We were there. I was there. I WAS FUCKING THERE!
I was in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by people who were blinded by their faith and hypnotized by the strong and soothing (at medyo mangiyak ngiyak pa) voices of their leaders. They clung to their every word. They stayed in the streets; sleeping on the road and letting even their children get wet and hungry.

It was very repulsing, even more disgusting than the stench of pee and odor of the people around me.

We just wanted to go home. We just wanted to go back to our dry and comfy home. But you assholes blocked the roads, pushed me around, shouted in my ear, littered the already dirty EDSA, and made my short walk home feel like shit.

The whole time I was just thinking of our goal. Onti na lang makakauwi na kami. I tried my best not to voice my opinion and to not physically attack anyone. I am quite proud of my patience. It was such a feat. Because I swear, I was so angry with all the stupidity and foolishness.

Respect? Bullshit!

Hindi niyo nga nirespeto yung mga tao na nakatira sa paligid at higit sa lahat minura niyo na rin lahat ng mga tao na gumagamit ng EDSA. Hindi ko gustong respetuhin ang mga bobong tulad niyo.
Hindi ako naniniwala sa mga paniniwala niyo pero kaya kong tumahimik tungkol doon at hayaan kayo na mabuhay sa panaginip na yan, pero ngayon nakakaagrabyado na kayo.
That's all you.
That's not god or whoever anymore. Being there was all your decision.
So I will not respect you because what you did was awful.

I hate you. You are wrong.

Wala kayong pakialam sa kapakanan namin mas lalong wala akong pakialam sa inyo.

Kahit may nakikita akong mga taong natutulog sa kalsada, mga taong mukhang pagod at gutom, at mga basa sa ulan. Hindi ako nakaramdam ng awa. Siguro naawa ako sa mga walang alam na bata dahil nakaladkad lang sila doon ng mga magulang nila. Pero nagagalit ako sa lahat ng mga may-isip na, kahit pa sa mga matatanda, dahil ginusto nila yan kaya mabuti at magdusa sila.

Gusto ko pa nga makaramdam pa sila ng mas malalang bagay hanggang sa matauhan sila at mapaisip na hindi naman tama ang ginagawa nila. Gusto ko silang mag-isip at hindi maging tanga-tangang sumusunod sa kung ano lang ang sabihin ng mga pinuno nila. Gusto ko lang talaga silang umuwi.

Kung ayaw niyo respetuhin at sundin ang mga batas na namamahala sa bansang ito e di lumayas kayo!
Hindi namin kayo kailangan at mas lalong hindi namin gusto kayong makasama.

Separate yourself completely from our country please. We would love it if you go away.

In the end, I made it back home safely. But up until now, I still want to skin alive and torture each and every single person there.
I wonder if Abalos would give me a permit for that if I can secure millions of votes for him. I bet he will.

Slowly but surely 3 months had passed

The last few days were more than just distractions; I am actually having fun. 

Slowly but surely, I am enjoying myself. Slowly but surely, the dreams and nightmares about him decrease. Slowly but surely, I don't cry myself to sleep anymore.

I may never recover. I may never move on. But at least I'm more than functioning. I can feel again without having to cry because he isn't there to share these feelings with me. I can genuinely be happy without having to revert back to those painful emptiness again. I can express appropriate emotions to whatever anime I'm watching or stuff I'm reading without having to pull back to myself again and realize how lonely I am. 

I noticed how wild these emotions are now that I have no buffer. I easily snap now and about to explode. I'm still working on that. I will overcome that... slowly but surely. 

I am still unable to read that much manga because reading manga was 'his thing' for a long long time. It still leaves me with a bittersweet ache in my heart whenever I think that "he could be reading the same thing but I bet he's not thinking about how I would react to this" 

It's true that there are so many things around me that I associate with him. He was my life for nine years so that is only natural. But if I would be bitter or sad about I would have nothing left for me. I would learn to accept all these associations. I won't even think about him. 

slowly... surely... 

I'm talking to myself

A photo posted by Edz (@erysd) on Jun 15, 2015 at 5:38am PDT

I bought a new wig and wore it today. It is quite heavier than my other wigs but manageable. I got used to it after a while.

A photo posted by Edz (@erysd) on Jun 20, 2015 at 12:16am PDT

I find it cute on me. I wish you could see me wearing that wig. I hope you find me cute in it as well. 

I didn't even manage to begin my Retoree cosplay. Sure, I have the eyes and hair already but our sewing machine was broken last Sunday. Didn't even got to make a single stitch. I was disheartened to do anything about it after that, because I really wanted to make my own skirt, make changes on the polo blouse and learn how to do the collar. It's not really about spending money, I guess I just wanted to "level up" my sewing skills even a little. :(

Anyway, even with that I still pulled off a Retoree cosplay the night before Toycon. lol.

A photo posted by Edz (@erysd) on Jun 19, 2015 at 11:00am PDT

I also bought another wig... but it's not the right color for Retoree's tail :(. Ah well, I know I'll be able to use it on some other cosplay or some event in  the office. It's a Class A wig but thicker than the one I bought before and doesn't smell like Barbie.

A photo posted by Edz (@erysd) on Jun 18, 2015 at 11:42pm PDT

TOO BRIGHT! I must say. But yeah, I will have plans for this.

I saw two Jojo cosplayers at Toycon. One was Jotaro. No Dio though... sad. But they had a Jojo display among the other toy collections. Yay for Jojo!

Speaking of Jojo, I'll watch, in about an hour or so, the last episode of Stardust Crusaders. I really wanted to watch it with you. but I guess that will never be. So I'll just think that at least we're watching the same episode and maybe I would be able to watch it without crying. It's weird to feel that if I say goodbye to that season I'm saying goodbye to you again. It does not make any sense! XD And I shouldn't connect Jojo to you... I should stop connecting things to you no matter how easily they fall into place. I'll try not be sad about it and I'll try to burn all the bridges and connections until these things they don't hurt anymore.


So there... just wanted to pretend to be talking to you because I dread the day that you stop ignoring me and that I get to talk to you again. By then, I don't want to cry in front of you anymore and by then I certainly don't want to be in love with you anymore. 

A hard habit to break

Thinking about him is second nature to me. I wake up in the morning with thoughts of him and I fall asleep talking and sharing stuff with him.

Hugging him, kissing him, holding his hand.. I do these things as naturally as breathing. It's automatic. I don't even have to think about it.

Nine years is a long time. The things I did with him, the things I do for him are embedded deep within my subconscious. It's a habit formed and strengthened through the years. I don't even have to think about being with him, it just comes to me. That may be the reason why I still dream about him every night. My self doesn't want to let him go.

It can easily be said that I'm in love with a memory... with a habit... since I haven't seen him in a while. But bullshit. I love that man and everything he does.. even the littlest of things. I even adore the way he puts his chopsticks away. I have never loved an existence like that. And looking around, I don't think I can love another.. but that is easy, I don't think anyone else can love me so there's no pressure. I am unlovable. So unless you are family, who has no choice but to love me, I cannot be loved.

He proved it, right? I do not deserve love. Even he, the man I trusted with my heart and soul, thinks that I shouldn't be loved and cared for. He showed me that I am not the kind of person someone can share their life with. I am not the kind of person that can be a reason to live for. I have no significance, I have no impact on his life, and I am not worth anything. I am nothing.

There is solace in knowing that he easily discarded me in his life. Threw me away like some garbage. He was so fine with it that it is foolish of me to even cry about this now. He doesn't even think of me anymore. I even doubt that a part of me stayed in his life. I am so forgettable that all those years can easily be shrugged off. I cry thinking about this but I know that's the truth, else why would he let go of me so easily?

So even if all these things come back to me there is no way that it could happen again. Not with him like that.

I still love him. But just because you love someone doesn't mean it can go back to what it was before. Of course it's harder when you are the only one between the two of you that cares for the other deeply. He realized that this is not going to work. I made a decision. But I miss him terribly so, and I want to express and throw at him all the love in my heart. But he doesn't want that so I should respect it. I should stay away and not try to run his life... give him space to do what he wants. Let him be happy even if I'm not part of that happiness.  

Though it destroys me I have to stand by my decision and break this habit. Life will go on for me and I have to endure and fight these feelings. My goal now in life is to not feel anything at all; to discard feelings as easily as he removed me from his side. I am a ball of emotions but I will try my very best to be nothing. Step by step, one day at a time... I'll do this until I finally kill myself.

Because living is a hard habit to break.

Dear past me

Dear past me...

Who are you?
How does it feel to be that happy?
Who are you?


I feel that I don't know you anymore.

Your smile doesn't look familiar. The thoughts you had don't ring a bell. Your actions feel so awkward.

You are me yet I am not you.

As the days pass, you are becoming more and more of a stranger to me.

I envy you. I hate you. I want to be you. 

Who are you?

I don't know who this happy me anymore. I don't know how to be that happy anymore.

YAY 2015 : first post of the year

First post of the year! Hooray~

But let's look back at 2014 for a while here...

I turned 25 this year and even if I still cannot feel that feeling of being adult, there were many problems that I've encountered that proved to me that I've matured enough to go through it with a cool head and a calm appearance. I am still a blazing ball of emotions but somehow this year I managed to keep it inside the box. 

I might not be able to travel outside the country but this year was not devoid of any exciting activities. I went to Pagsanjan falls this year with my friends and went to Rizal's house with my family. Somehow I managed to finally find time to visit those tourist spots that I never really bothered to go to even though I've been so near them my whole college life. Hopefully someday I can actually visit Makiling. lol.

With the 2D shota Rizal

The funny thing about this though, was that I've written about a 2D shota Rizal before for an otome game I made with my friends. I didn't imagine to be meeting one someday... with all the 2D-ness. XD

The falls

We've seen a number of shows this year including Wicked, Chicago, Disney concert etc. I've also started to drag my sister to some of these events (mostly watching movies). It's nice fangirling with your sibling from time to time. Hopefully there will come a time when I don't have to pay for both of us so I can take her to the more expensive musicals. 

fangirling runs in the family

This year was also all about getting used to the new team. Somehow it became more than just "getting used" because I seemed to have enjoyed this company with little to no effort at all. True, the morning crowd was noisier and livelier than the night scene that I was used to work in for years but somehow I enjoyed it. I made new friends that I could had been friends with if I worked in the morning and I find the mid-shift team to be an interesting bunch.

During the company outing.
Because staying inside the room is more awesome with these people around

One of the many "payday dinners" I've enjoyed with Abi and Arvin this year

Regarding my other stuff, somehow I never really fulfilled my 2014 promise of one cover a month, so I'll just carry that over to this year's New Year's Resolution but changing that to one cover/project every 2 months. Ayan ah every 2 months na yan ah... UTANG NA LOOB gawin mo na yan. On a brighter side, James and I managed to finally do our cosplay collab and finished Kirishima's cosplay. And since I've bought a sewing machine this year, I made a few simple sewing projects, which included that tiger top I used when I sang Katy Perry's Roar during our company's outing.  

Sewing costumes and rocking that look at pictures

I've also tried to learn Japanese again this year, but still was not enough to actually take the JLPT. 2015? Not really sure if I should take that exam at all... but who knows. I must also add that buying that Kumyoung karaoke helped me a lot in reading faster. Karaoke really does help in reading (reading Hiragana that is)! 

I have a certificate~ yay

Overall, 2014 was really something else. There were a lot of good things, bad things, exciting things and terrible things.  There were times when I wanted to give up on everything and just dig a hole and hide inside it. There were also times that I wanted some moments to last forever. Somehow I pulled through and made it to another year. But I know it's because I was never alone during the whole ordeal. My family, James, my friends and office mates were always there helping me and making things more fun. Thanks 2014... 

now hoping that 2015 will be a more awesome one. 

Merry Christmas

Hoping this presentation would make you feel what Christmas is all about...

hay... kay hirap kumita ng pera.

Summoned by customs

Last Friday I was summoned by customs. This was due to the most recent purchase I made online, which was Granrodeo's G9 DVD. I hoped, like all the previous purchases, that it would arrive at the office. Unfortunately, customs found the item taxable and instead of the box with the DVD, this notice was sent to me last Friday. ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ

So I googled and google map'd the way there and this site proved to be most useful. Since it was Friday when they gave the notice I decided to go there by Monday.

I had 2 more days to wonder about what was happening to my package and how much I needed to pay. The customs' site did have an online  calculator but who knew... it was widely known that customs was one of the most corrupt department in the Philippine government.

Speaking of corruption, there were a lot of  "horror stories" I found on the internet regarding this: 200% tax, bargaining to lessen the taxed amount, long lines, inefficient service etc.

I found myself getting terrified as each day passed by.

Monday came, woke up really early... I mean... earlier than the usual (*´∀`*) eh-hehe. So I went there by bus and I arrived around 10:30-ish.

I gave the notice card and used my passport as my ID. Waited and waited some more to have either my name or my number called.  They opened the package in front of me to confirm if that was my package... just to see Kiiyan peeking from the guy's hand made me really glad. They put the DVD back in the box and violently taped it. They separated us yet again and made me wait some more.

But that was the only beginning... the computation now began.

Luckily, I did not become a victim of corrupt officials who would charge even more than the item's price. However, the tax is still too big... why do they have to be that much?

Anyway, so I paid the charges and got my package. I did become one of those people who went out happily with their package in hand. ヽ(；▽；)ノmi bebe was finally in my arms.

Resibo with computations

Post office fee

FINALLY MY BABY IS HOME

I have a thing for boxes

I really enjoy buying boxes or any kind of container for my things. I enjoy the feeling of putting my stuff in an organized manner inside the fresh store-bought container. The idea of keeping something and helping my future self to have an easier time to look for things… since the thing is already stored neatly… gives off a calming effect on me.

As I put my socks and towels inside a box I imagine putting also my negative emotions with it. The frustrations, stress, and annoyances will also go inside that box to be stored and to be looked into some other time. The moment I shut the lid I have this feeling of finality when I entrust my stuff to a future version of myself whom I don’t know yet. Whoever this future me is, I am sure she will look into the box and its contents as well. Who knows? The future me might thank me for this. Like a time capsule of emotions, where an older future me will look into it and learn something from the feelings of the past. I think this is what I enjoy thinking about the most.

Boxes are really nice.

I just hope that there won’t come a time when I have to put your body inside a small box too. :3

Rainy day thoughts: 7152014

I am in the middle of browsing stuff on the internet. A storm is passing by. I can hear the winds picking up and the rain falling outside. Here is me, hoping that the storm will pass by without actually causing harm to anyone. 

And out of nowhere I remember this one rainy night. It was a school night but I have forgotten what day it was, I remember that I was going home late from school. I was so afraid that time. I was scared that my mother would scold me because I went home late. It wasn't really late but it was already dark by then... so technically it is later than the usual time that I get home. I can't really remember the details anymore of why I was late... I think it was a legit school thing... but what is that school thing?

Nope. I can't remember. 

However, more than the specific details all I can remember is this fear of going home late. It was more than hearing from my mother when I get home. I don't really like the idea of going home when it's already dark out. No specific reason for it, I just don't like it. And it was not the kind of feeling where I want to rush home because I'm scared. The later it was, the more I don't want to go home. 

It's funny now that I think back. I was an amusing little girl. 

What amuses me more was that I even thought of stopping the tricycle into one parlor/beauty salon and asking the people there if they could take me in because I don't want to go home. I was seriously convinced that the people working there actually lived in their shops with their small beds and personal quarters inside that door that lead to god-knows-where. 

I was not just thinking about it. I was serious. I was already imagining what my life would be in the parlor.

But of course, that was all in my head. I didn't ask the driver to stop and I went home. My mother scolded me but it was ok. I went to bed and the day went on...

Someday, I would like to look back on all my anxieties now and laugh at them too. 

PS: I have no idea how they do shit in a parlor. I have 0 skills in making anyone pretty.

Umbrellas and stuff

While my officemate and I were walking a man we met on the street gave us an umbrella. He looked like a Chinese businessman and was decent in every way. My officemate thought that he's selling is the umbrella but apparently he just wanted us to have it. Actually it looked like it was a gift for him since there was a torn Christmas label on it I'm not really sure what his issues were with the gift but he wanted us, random strangers, to have it. That was nice. Free umbrellas and the year only just begun.


I then remembered that I also do that sort of thing. When I don't want what I'm eating anymore I give it to a beggar. Some people would say 'baka trip kayo nun' or 'nagandahan sa inyo' since both of us were female but I believe we just looked like two girls who needed an umbrella or two stranger that he can take the thing out of his hands.

So what's the big deal? It's just an umbrella? You don't have to blog about it.

It's not really about that. Lately, I noticed that people are nicer. Not that they aren't nice before but aside from the umbrella there have been security guards helping me get my doughnut even if it they were not in the position to help me, taxi drivers that are really kind and amazing in their own way and lots of other stuff.

I might be over thinking this but what if my friend was right...that these are omens. Whether good or bad I do not know.

Well, it could just be that the world is still nice despite of what is happening around me. It just feels weirdly sweet... like some trap that I might fell in to. This anxious feelings are so weird... what have I become?

But on another note, in a way of justifying my odd feelings, I think noticing is still better than taking them for granted. I am thankful for each little act of kindness. I put them to heart even if it's just nothing for the giver. I do this both for strangers and people I know. All your kindness are cherished even if they are forgotten. I mean, the memory might be wiped away but the feelings will stay.

ah and this turned into a cheesy post again... oh well.

So this is officially my first entry for the year! I do hope that these are good omens and I'll do my best to be kinder to others as well... so kind that they will doubt like this too.. mwahahahaha

posted from Bloggeroid

Keeping a list

I used to hate reading manga. I couldn't buy one since they're so expensive. I don't like reading them online since the pages load so slowly. Also, since I did not have an internet connection in the dormitory I have to rent a computer outside. Every second is paid so I have to manage my time and reading manga leisurely is out of the question. The first manga I enjoyed reading was One Piece. I also managed to finish Shaman King before. I tried reading some more but it's annoying to wait every week for a chapter that is released every month...

But Nex came to my life... or rather I bought Nex and ever since I had a tablet I could read whenever I want. So now I've been reading a lot of stuff... books, manga, etc. Especially shoujo manga. I need more!

Anyway here is my list. I'll try to remember the other stuff I've read but I would really appreciate it if you recommend more to me. 

I would prefer it if the series is already done. I usually read: sickeningly sweet shoujo, sexy sexy josei, or a really good shonen. I'm not that picky but I would love a decent art. I can tolerate a typical stupid heroine and a triangle-faced bishie. Although fish lips are out of the question. Ugh. Anyway, that is all. I'll try to find more stuff to read. yay~

My uncle

I just learned last that my uncle died. He was fairly close to me since he's the one we are with the most when we lived in Caloocan. He was the one who made the renovations, wiring etc in our house. 

But that's not what this entry is about...

He died because he got sick. I think he overworked himself and he was over drinking. Maybe all his internal organs failed and so he died. However, the details of his death weren't laid out to me that much because my mother told me of "another" reason why he died. 

They said that he died because he rejected an "aswang". This aswang offered him to become one of them and because my uncle said 'no' he died. 

These things are common stories in the province so I am not surprised anymore. Honestly, I do like to think that he died like that since that would be so cool. Other people might find it offensive and would say that we are insulting his death but it's not like that. People seriously believe this. 

Oh well.. I wasn't there when he died so who knows. I wonder... will I get in trouble if I post something like this? Oh well.