Sunday, December 23, 2007

Something to think about

Do you believe in destiny? I do. I think even if we try to run away from it we are still destined somehow to run away from it. There is such a thing as freewill... being a Christian I truly believe that God gave us a sense of choice.

However, you can't blame me from believing in destiny. There are some things that even coincidence can't understand or explain. There are some events, some group of people, some interactions, some things that are so coincidental or accidental that it must me fate.

The thought of destiny is also for the romantic type. It's one of the most common theme in novels about love. It is also good to think that there is someone out there that is meant to be your partner. But, as we now, life is never fair. Have you ever considered that maybe it is also your destiny to be alone? Have you ever thought that your destiny might not even be close to a happy ending?

I have thought about that many of a times. It was something worth thinking about.

Although I hate thinking... but that is another story... another article perhaps?

I've also been trying to predict my destiny and I have not been close to anything at all. If I were able to rpedict my destiny then what's the fun in that?

I don't like knowing what the future brings. If you already know what's going to happen tomorrow then you might not want to live at all. I think that is also the reason why people enjoy their lives. It is because everyday is a new day. Everyday is something new. "You can't step on the same river twice," as one philosopher would put it. You would have a reason to live your life because you don't know what tomorrow would bring. Am I being to optimistic? Probably. BUT if destiny already have a plan for us... or even God for that matter have already laid out our schedule for our whole life then won't it be a spoiler for you to know what it already is.

So what if you know that you're going to die someday... do you know how? Or when?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas post

Christmas is certainly one of the Holidays I would never ever trade for. First, because as a Christian it is the day that the Lord was born... of course some would say that it is not the exact day He was born... but if we go deeper into those complications then we might never celebrate His birthday. Second, because like any other occasion it is one reason where I can be happy for no particular reason. I like that.

I've been reading Artemis Fowl again. I think I was reading the same book last Christmas. But then again that Christmas was different from now.

It's only four days until Christmas but you could already feel it in the air. No matter how many times I am reminded that the world is rotting and that the people here are becoming poorer or life is becoming tougher, I would be forced to dismiss that thought because of the things I see around me.

I wonder why people always have that queer sense of happiness. Like I said, this is the season when one can smile for no particular reason. It is a holiday so we are all [forced] to be happy.

I like Christmas but sometimes I like the days before Christmas more than the day itself. It is the preparations for the grand day that makes it more exciting. The lights, the songs and, of course, the gifts. It is the preparation of these things that makes Christmas... well Christmas.

I also like Christmas because during these days I could finally rest. I tend to forget about everything about my school whenever I am home. That is why as much as possible I don't go home even if my house is only a couple of hours (say three hours) from LB. I just don't like to think about my acads when I'm home. Hey I'm home so I should rest and just be happy. When I'm home I can be myself again. I don't need to worry about who is looking at me, what other think of me or why I am like this... at home I can be me. The real me that my parents are required to accept.

Well I may not have the chance to write this Christmas... but oh well...


Friday, December 14, 2007

Random again...

"Sometimes life just makes me sick,
Makes me vomit really quick
Makes me jump and scream and fly...
Malabo ang buhay."

I was really nervous. It was already 2:00 and my topic for my Technical Writing course was still senseless. I don't know anything interesting about my course. BS Computer Science and I can't think of a topic?! I can't believe that I've been studying for three years and I can't apply what I've learned! How can I go on being like this? Would I survive? What about my SP or thesis?

I don't like being reminded of the fact that after I graduate I would actually put to use all these things that I've been cramming for three years so that I could put food into me and my family's mouth. It is in these hands and brain that I would entrust my life in that cruel outside world.

And so in the end, I thought about a rushed topic. I would just edit it again next week. All I want is to have something to pass when my professor asks about this requirement of the day.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


Nagswimming kami ni Jeo sa Villa Celedonia. Kahit na sinabi ko kay mama na madami kami... sa totoo lang dalawa lang kami ni Jeo. Masaya at malabo ang araw na ito. Ngayon ko lang napansin na isa akong mabait na babae. Kasi may isang grupo ng mga lalaki na nasa tabi namin. Grabe ang sasaya nila masyado. At sa isang hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan lagi na lang sila nakikisama sa amin ni Jeo. Tinuturuan ko sana si Jeo na lumangoy pero pati yung isa sa mga lalaking iyon ay gusto na rin na magpaturo sa akin. Grabe nga eh. Hindi ko naman sila kilala tapos feeling pa. Pero sa totoo lang hindi talaga ako naasar kasi ewan nakakatuwa sila. Simpleng manyak nga lang. 


Anyways... natutuwa ako kasi tinuruan ako ng Jeo ng onti sa paggigitara. Ang sakit sa kamay. Medyo nagets at naaalala ko. Hindi nga ako makapaniwala na seseryosohin ko yun. Kasi minsan kaya hindi ako natututo ay dahil hindi ko sineseryoso ang mga nagtuturo sa kin. Wow! Kaseryoso-seryoso pala si Jeo. Hindi ko alam yun ah. 

Sa isang mundong pinapagalaw ng salapi hindi ko sukat akalain na may naniniwala pa pala sa barter trade. Kasi nagkulang ang pera namin ni Jeo sa pamasahe. At dahil jan... binayaran namin yung driver ng kulang pero bilang kabayaran sa iba ay binigyan namin siya ng tinapay. Mukha nga silang tuwang-tuwa. Ganon siguro talaga ang mga gutom. Pero masaya dahil nakauwi kami ng matino dahil dun.

Sunday, May 6, 2007


I'm sorry for making this site my online rant-journal.

I'm really sorry but as a human being you also know how important it is to express yourself. Especially if you can't speak about it in the real world.

>>>>>I'm waiting for another post after that I swear I'll post this one<<<

To those two boys who are always talking about XP/Nya,

I am humbly asking you two to stop it. I know that you two really fantasize about that girl too often but you don't really have to let the whole org know about it. 

Sometimes whenever I'm reading those posts I'm doubting if you are the ones writing it. You two sound like two drooling perverted stalkers. I swear when that girl joins I shall tell her your codenames and make her read each and every post that you have written about her. I doubt if those fantasies would ever come true now... well unless if she is nice or naive. 

Stop being insensitive creatures! Don't you know that you are already hurting or annoying other people because of what you are writing? Well if you don't know... I'M ONE OF THEM!

I'm sorry for being jealous! I'm just another girl right? Too useless to be of your concern. But if that is the case then stop making me feel like I am significant to the both of you. If you want to then please stop treating me as your friend. You're just hurting me everytime I see you two going on and on about her. 

I know I'm not alone for I have already had a talk with another person who is annoyed with you two.

"Ang bait mo talaga kung ako yun hindi ko na kakausapin ang dalawang yun."

Maybe I should take that advice. It's really annoying listening to the both of you.


To someone I call kuya,

I miss you. But do you miss me too? You always say that but you act otherwise. Sometimes I even think all you tell me are lies. But I still believe in you... because I have to. For if I start to stop trusting you, then how can I say that I love you? 

What I really miss is the man you are a year ago. Maybe before you were possessed by your ego. Can you remember your promise to protect me? That's the reason why I trusted you fully. 

But somehow I think time made you get used to me especially when I cry. Or was that how you show your affection as time goes by? Is hurting me your way to show that I'm important? Or you just want me to be your servant?

Since you want to conquer the world or become its ruler whatsoever. I think I should think about it over. I shall let you go on to do whatever you want. And tell you how I feel... I shan't. But when the time comes I shall say goodbye... I think. For you might actually lose me in just a single blink of an eye. 

I know that you're just lonely for I am too. But that's the reason why you found me and I found you. Don't you realize that I'm here all along? You're searching for a friend, am I wrong? But can I not be that friend you're looking for? Or do I still have to beg?

I know that I may not be enough. I'm not that smart nor that tough. I know there are many things we cannot understand about each other. And that makes us fight even longer. But believe me when I say that I love you. For that is the only thing in my life that is ever true. 

Please change and try to understand. All you need to do is talk to me and lend me your hand. I'm listening, you know I do. And for the last time I shall say to you...

I miss you a lot even more than you know.


^Why do I feel like all the ends of the sentences rhyme? Oh well... maybe it's just my imagination


Again sorry for ranting. You could not read this if you don't want to. I'm not forcing you. But remember this: I'm just a human... I have a heart too.

Friday, May 4, 2007

I like talking to you... i think

It hurts... 

something inside of me hurts but I cannot pinpoint what exactly it is.

He is slowly hurting me without him knowing it. He doesn't have any right to hurt me for he is only a friend. But his words hurt. They hurt so much that I truly want to cry.

"Your tears make me laugh."

How do you know that I'm faking it? Can you feel what I am feeling?

Some people think that they know everything but they are totally WRONG! No man can know everything. Do you know the name of the Taho vendor that passed by the hospital 20 meters away from our house?

If you do... then... do you know when exactly the Taho vendor shouted the first "tahooooo" this week?

If no then... See! I told you so! Hehehehe

If yes then you must be that stupid taho vendor.

But my point really is that you can never know everything because you don't need to know it. What you already know and what destiny would let you know may suffice already.

I think I should stop ranting now... this feeling might even be worse than I think.

Thursday, May 3, 2007


Finally I'm home.

My province by the way is Leyte which is almost a one day trip from my home. We ride on the bus to get there then we get aboard a ship to cross the island and then ride the same bus again.

(The bus also goes inside the ship. So it is the same bus)

So we should basically live in that bus for almost one day. 


"Evil wins only when Good men do nothing." 
-sticker on the wall of the bus

"He who walks honestly, walk secretly" 
-it's a proverb... i think

"Una naging kaibigan kita
Ikalawa nagka-crush ako sa iyo

baka sa ikatlo ma-inlove na ako nyan sa iyo." 
-galing sa kapatid ko for his special cheverlou

"There are a thousand and one ways to kill a person

and one of those is to make that person fall in love with you."
-dreamt of that quote

"How can you make my stupid name sound so beautiful?"

"... it was beauty that killed the beast." 
-King Kong

Friday, March 23, 2007

What C is doing to us

Kuya and I were walking and talking about our debts to each other...

I owe him 71 pesos and so I gave him 100 pesos...

I forgot what is 100-71...
That was so funny and stupid at the same time. 

We really forgot even he does not know the answer. We looked for a claculator but we did not find anything. 

Generating a for loop to imitate a summation..

int num=100-71;
int i;
int sum;


printf("%d", sum);

Output: 29

We really generated a code but then after that we end up using the calculator function in his cellphone...

and got 29.

Stupid ne?

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Peter Pan is a boy who never grows up. That is the first implication of the author that the story (Peter Pan) is about getting old and how people always have a fear about it.

I think a character on the movie "Finding Neverland" also noted something about time and how it always chase us.
I believe that the crocodile chasing Capt. Hook is the symbolism used for this. That animal has a clock inside of him that's why whenever Hook hears clocks ticking he always fears that the crocodile is near to eat him. 

->>Captain Hook and the other pirates (but mainly capt hook) represents the grown-ups. The desire of Capt. Hook to know how Peter could fly or his desire to get Peter Pan is like how older people would want to trade places with younger ones...

Why is it that when we grow older we can never grow younger?

I do not know why I suddenly thought about Peter Pan. This is one of my favorite books. I always loved the adventure part... but maybe inside of me I also wish that I could always stay young.

Growing older may mean that you could do more things but somehow it is always better to be an innocent child again. (Maybe for me) Children have less worries and are more carefree. They do not need to worry about anything else -or rather that is what it should be...

waah I have to stop thinking about Peter or Neverland... 

for no matter how I try to get younger I would continue to change... to grow...

to learn more things...

to do more things...

to become more mature...

but for short to get old