I didn’t keep fighting in the end. Today is another end and here I am completely helpless and powerless. There was nothing more I can do… or rather there was nothing more that I could push myself to do. As I watched the clock slowly ticking and the time slowly passing, I realized that I don’t feel anything as of now.
If there was one thing I would proudly say: I have no regrets.
I won’t blame anyone basically because there’s nothing to blame about. I won’t even blame myself. Somehow I’ll continue life as it is. I know someone will hate me because of this… my parents perhaps, or the people who believed in me… but if you’re disappointed I ask you this “have you ever thought how I feel about myself?” If there’s someone who has any right to hate me or think low of me it would be me. If you’re not me then I wouldn’t entertain your insults. Come back when I actually care.
“But you could finish it if you just rushed it?” I want to do this with a DON! So no. I am not going to present a crappy and rushed SP. That’s one reason why I don’t have any regrets because I know in myself that I already did what I can.
“I knew you needed help.” I won’t be blaming anyone because first of all no one helped me. I won’t whine about being alone and such… because I chose to do this alone. I will graduate because of my skills. Call it pride or whatever you want but like I said time and again: as long as I know I can still do it I won’t ask for any help. I’ll know when I can’t do it by myself anymore… and that’s the time I’ll ask for help. I know my limits but until then I think I can do this by myself. If you really want to help me you can always give me moral support... maybe cakes or coffee.
Although I am sorry…
I am sincerely apologizing to those who believed in me. I just didn’t finish it. No excuses. No reasons. It was just not finished. And if I may have let you down then I would humbly bow down before you and say “I’m sorry” and smile again. I am very happy that you believed in me and continued to believe until the very end and I am hoping that you’re still going to believe in me. My fight isn’t over yet… so I still need you there. I won’t force you but I would be very grateful if you’d still believe in me. Just being there means the world to me.
Plans? So what now?
I will continue what I am doing. I will finish it. I assure you… I just don’t know how. I will confidently say this sem. But I can always say that since I am still working on it. I also plan to work even without graduating first… as to where I’m going to work. Well, I still don’t know myself. Care to help me?
It is during these times that I wish there’s a maid café in the Philippines. I would like to work there. My greatest dream though is to be a dubber or voice actress but I know I lack the skills.
Oh well… *stretches* I will continue working. My life isn’t over yet so I have to look and push forward. I will finish what I started no matter how long it takes. There’s still more work to do and I’m more than willing to do it.
I smile once more as I look forward to another day.