Sunday, October 31, 2010

Going home alone

I am used to it so I don’t really care. There are times though that I enjoy going home more than when I am with someone. I can walk at my own pace. I can listen to music and ignore everything around me. I can even have a mental conversation with myself… although the last one was not recommended.

Since I am alone I can take my time in enjoying stuff like this. I am often distracted too but I just don't wander off when I'm with someone. I don't want the person I am with to feel burdened because of my habits.

But I would love to walk home with someone, I want to have someone to talk with. It’s not healthy to talk to myself so at least I want someone to talk to or share things with. It gets lonely especially when I'm walking or when something would remind me of my friends or when I see other people with friends or special someones.
Also, eating isn't the same when I don't have anyone to talk to or share the food with. It's not really lonely but somehow it's not fun. I sometimes think of fun or interesting stuff while eating... but since I'm alone I can't laugh about it. That really sucks.

But seriously, I don't care about it anymore... I laugh and have a conversation with myself. Just mentally, of course, since I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy. I like to think that I'm having a date with myself. The thought seemed to be working for me. I don't feel a little bit lonely.

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