The world only they know...

When I was young whenever someone teases me my parents would say: “Wag mo nang pansinin sinabi nila.” So I tried to apply that lesson in life and it made me more confident in one or two ways.

But I had noticed that as you grow old you forget this lesson especially if you’re famous. Being famous makes people conscious of what other people are saying to them. You have to make sure of your every move... if your blog is still under construction then better if you don’t post it... or else your viewers might lose their interest of you or something like that – in the end I didn’t really understand. 

Actors had it even worse because they can’t even be at ease wherever they go... sometimes even if they are at home. 

Because they don’t have any sense of private life anymore the people around them even forget that they are humans too. Sometimes I even think they don’t go to the bathroom anymore. The image they project seemed so perfect that even if it is ruined a little bit their whole being is already destroyed. 

The law is even more helpful to these celebrities... if a writer or commentator would say bad things about a certain actor then the actor could sue the writer and if he wins he gets richer. I don’t really understand the grounds for libel but as far as I am concerned it’s like that. Why can’t little children do that? If they are being teased by a bully why can’t they sue the bully libel or something similar to that? Oh well I think libel is only applied when printing malicious and false information about a person... so I have to wait until the bully writes whatever he is teasing? Ok... then could I sue him?

I don’t know if I’m still young or just naive or just stupid... because I don’t really want to care about what other people are saying about me. I know it might hurt once I hear them but after that what could I do? If I know for myself that it isn’t true why would I react violently? I was always told back then that if I react to teasing then it just means that what they are saying are all true. So if you know that they’re just teasing then you should just ignore what they are saying... that’s the mature way to act as what I was told about.

Since ignoring false accusations is the mature way then does it mean that those people aren’t mature? Oh well maturity doesn’t really come with aging anyway.

After another random article which is totally incoherent once more... (I swear hindi ako papasa sa ENG2 sa essay na ganito) I part with these words:

Ano? Sinabihan ka nila na meron kang sex video scandal?! Huwag kang maniwala sa kanila hindi totoo yon.

That’s all.

PS: I hate Hayden Kho and all men who are like him... stupid, backstabbing, blackmailing, disgusting and lowly men. Reacting violently? Guilty.

Summer... OJT blues

I am starting my on-the-job training (OJT) this summer. Well that would be the only thing I would do the whole summer. 

I am learning many stuff everyday. This is the first time in my life that I am riding the MRT everyday. When I was younger I always have this strange thought at the back of my mind. I always have this idea that at some point the train would suddenly explode. I'm watching TV too much. That's why I hate watching the news. It's always depressing and terrifying... the worst part of it all... it's true.

I am also learning about rss and php now. Now I finally understoo how powerful those feeds are. So if you want to you could subscribe to my blog... hahaha.

I am never an internet addict but now I appreciate the things the web could do. Maybe someday I would become so tuned to it that it would finally make a permanent place in my life. 

I am also learning a few flash. I could do a bouncing ball now. Hahaha. I know I'm still far from producing a music video or game but soon I'll get there. Soon.

I'm working on a website now. I just hope all would end well. 

Trailer

a movie created by my siblings and me....

somehow it is a Twilight parody... somehow

The aftermath of another winter thanksgiving

“I would rather celebrate valentines WITHOUT a boyfriend than a winter thanksgiving with one at least I do not have to expect something and just be disappointed in the end.”

Warning I am not okay… so do not expect that you’ll like this… you have been warned. 

I thought that if one would work hard then he or she would be rewarded in the end. This is the day I’ve been waiting for… where’s my reward?

I have never been selfish. I gave you love, support even help whenever you needed it… I gave you even more than what you could ask for and what do I get in return. NOTHING.

It’s not about the gifts that would wear out or the chocolate that you would eat and digest or even about the flowers that would wilt.

It’s making me feel I am special.

Why do I always have to be the one who is taking care of you? Between the two of us I am always the one who attends to your every needs. I always look after you, take care of you and try my very best until you are happy. I always worry about you, think about what is best for you and what would make you satisfied.

When is it that it is my turn?

When would you return the love I shower you with? Why wouldn’t you listen to me? Why don’t you let things go my way? Why don’t you surprise me in a good way? Why don’t you give even a little effort in making me happy?

All I want is to feel that I am loved even in the simplest way… I don’t want anything grand. I just want it to be sincere. I just want to feel that I have a reason to do the things I am doing now… I just want to feel I am loved.

Because I am sure as hell that love doesn’t hurt like this. 

I am not sad though. I have finished crying my heart (even my lungs and eyeballs) out last night. I’ve passed through the hellish wave of emotions last night. Now I feel disappointed.

I’m disappointed in myself because I expected something from you.

I’m disappointed in you because you didn’t give me anything.

I’m disappointed in the whole human race because they’ve created this dillusional celebration called Valentines Day.

I am going to be selfish this time. I shall not blame myself. I’ll blame everyone.

Whenever someone needed my help I shall set aside whatever I am doing just to save that friend but now that I am plummeting into the pit of despair I could feel that I have no one to hold on to now.

I’m tired but I know that after everything… maybe tomorrow... I’ll go back to the usual happy me. No one would even know that I almost died last night when my chest was aching so much and I couldn’t breathe because of that suffocating pain that is ripping me apart…

Thank you showerhead for witnessing the torment I was enduring last night.

Thank you Tamad for listening to me this morning as I plan to murder everyone who enjoyed their Valentines… and when I was starting to sound like an atheist.

But no matter how you two were there… you never talked to me… you could never give me any advice or any verbal comfort –the thing I badly needed. You're just inanimate things that could only witness me burning from inside. But I would rather burn than to expect something from him... and be disappointed once more. Burning would guarantee my death... disappointment would never let me rest.

But at least I still have something (something not someone) to talk to...

I have no one human to talk to last night... it was crazy but I have no choice. I had no friends last night :)

Argh… this article is so incoherent… just like my thoughts. I put a warning on top right? Good.

I don’t even know why I am posting this. 

Anyway to stop myself from saying any more stupid, emo and mushy words I’ll end by saying this:

Man had evolved to the point that they don’t need anyone anymore but just themselves… (as if someone would come to save me anyway… ) the point where the only comfort they could ever get is to cry in front of the shower and rant in front of a stuffed toy.

Stop ranting, stop praying, stop hoping… do something.

Dido

My newest story is finished! Yey finally I can start writing another one. This story is entitled Dido:

Lawrence is the tutor of a girl named Fumi -a mysterious girl who resides in a supposedly cursed room. But Fumi is more than just weird and Lawrence can feel it. But will he find out the answers to his questions before he gets into something that he can't escape from or will the room's curse or get him first?

Traditional.vampire != Twilight.vampire;

Before I hit the age of 17 or something closer I used to always wrap around my blanket or hair around my neck or sometimes I place my hands there whenever I sleep. I was always afraid back in those days that some sneaky creature would go inside my room and try to bite me in the neck. At least with something to cover it the creature might have a hard time biting it or at least

I would know… somehow.

Vampires. This kind of monster had scared the hell out of me as far as I can remember. Until now I am still afraid of them… I mean your blood being sucked to death is really a scary thing… but becoming one of them… bloodthirsty and monstrous… is even scarier.

I could remember myself back when I was still a child. I had written a story about vampires. After having consecutive nights of nightmares I burned it and scattered its ashes.

Knowing their weaknesses, as what books and movies had told me, made me feel at ease. They can’t hurt me when the sun is out (but what about fluorescent lights… maybe that’s the reason I don’t like sleeping in the dark… but that’s another story). They are afraid of garlic but I also don’t like to eat them. Crosses and prayers can kill them but some movies say they don’t… there goes my faith.

In the beginning I was truly scared of vampires… and then there was Twilight…

If you don’t know Meyer’s Twilight then you are really left behind. Even if you haven’t read the book or watched the movie… at least you might have heard of it… or have seen a crazy fangirl.

Twilight’s vampires are different from the vampires I had known and feared. They are not afraid of crosses. (sigh. I always believed that it could kill them. Sigh.) They don’t have fangs. They don’t turn into bats. (Yeah I watch cartoons… a lot!) They have venom in their teeth, which can be used to turn another person into a vampire (not the drinking of vampire’s blood thingy). Unlike a vampire story I know, they become more civilized when they drink animal blood and the opposite when they drink human’s blood. And the last one which I think differs them from the rest of the vampire world… they don’t die in the sunlight…they sparkle and shine. Nice eh?

Because of the story and the nature of the vampires in the story, Anne Rice babies (people who were raised knowing Lestat’s story) would think that Twilight is another fan fiction involving vampires… only proofread.

I once told a friend of mine the story of Twilight… he was rolling his eyes, looking at me incredulously and telling stories contradicting everything about the vampires in that story. He just asked me to narrate the story… we are not discussing vampire legend. I tried to not say anything that could lead into a serious debate. I had done that quite a lot before that encounter… and I don’t want to do it again.

I like Twilight and New Moon and Eclipse (especially Eclipse) and Breaking Dawn and probably Midnight Sun (if it would be published in this lifetime)… even if:

1) Their stories are somehow predictable. In Eclipse, I already know that it was Victoria

behind the newborns even before it crossed any of the characters’ minds.

2) Some of the characters lack development. Esme will forever just be a mother-figure… maybe because vampires are never-changing? And I dislike Bella’s clumsiness… it was as if she was born clumsy... she only became graceful when she turned into a vampire.

3) It’s a cheesy romance novel. If you don’t like this genre DON’T read any of the books!

4) It ruins the image of vampires. Most of my friends strongly agree with this.

5) The characters are Mary-Sue. *ehem* Edward Cullen *ehem*

Even with all these combined I still love the four Twilight books. I have to admit that I am an Edward fangirl and I’m proud of it. I love the way he cares about Bella. I love the way Edward overreact just so that she could be protected. Edward resembles all of my beloved characters thus, loving him more.

Every time I read the book I could almost see big hearts pouring from the story and hitting me. I like it. It was like cupid puncturing me with his heart arrows.

It is a good love story. I fell in love with the story that’s why I think it was well-written. Even until the end (Breaking dawn… also broke a lot of fan’s hearts) I still think that it was a good story.

Even though many people discourage me from reading Twilight I would still continue to be a fan of the movie and the books. I don’t care if they don’t like it whenever I squeal because of Edward or Carlisle Cullen. I don’t care… because I know that whenever I read the books I become happy. (happy can’t even cover that feeling) I know that whenever I feel sad watching the movie makes me feel a little better.

I am also grateful for Twilight because it made me less afraid of vampires. I am still afraid but at least I don’t wrap something around my neck anymore.

I had realized that vampires are truly fictional characters. They aren’t real... so people could create and recreate characters like that easily. We should not stick to believing that Lestat is the real vampire and Edward is a fake because we would never know who the real vampires are. We could never prove that either one is the real vampire. Maybe real vampires sparkle in the sun… we would never know. We just have to be open-minded. We may have our vampire preference but please try to respect other people’s reference. Humans are not the same… maybe vampires too.

So what if it’s not normal? So what if I’m acting like an addict? So what if I am a crazy drooling fangirl?

I know that when you have also found the story you would truly love you would understand how I feel. And if you ever find it I would not criticize or discourage you… because I know how you feel… we just have the different objects we focus this feeling on.

I respect the point of view of my friends regarding the whole vampire issue… but I sure hope that someday they would respect mine and leave my Edward alone.

This debate is not over yet. I know that there would soon be someone who would talk to me about this again… argh do I have to? I think this battle would only be over when reality would show what vampires truly are.

But I hope that would never happen.

--Ren

Uninstall

I have not seen the anime but I loved the song...