Thursday, May 28, 2009
But there's always that something inside me that would tell me that accepting those things are wrong.
If he goes on like this then I would surely miss him. I don't know exactly what he is for me. Aside from being an old friend I know that there is something more. He is not my lover, and I am sure of that for I am now in love with someone else. But definitely he is more than a friend for me and a proof of that is I don't want him to get romantically involved with another girl.
I know that I am being selfish but I can't help it. Everytime I think about the consequences of this petty fight I tend to cry. I don't want to lose him. I adore him for he is my friend. I hate it when I don't hear his voice over the telephone. I hate it whenever he tells me that he doesn't want me to come over to their house. I hate it whenever I feel that I am nothing more but a highschool friend.
But most of all, I hate myself. Once more I am hating myself because of a boy... but the funny part about it is that he is just another highschool classmate of mine... well the most special highschool classmate of mine. If I could only love him again like I used to when we were younger then I would surely try to be his girlfriend... but I can't because I don't love him like that. Do not be mistaken. I don't love him to the extent that I would be his girlfriend. All I want is for our relationship to stay they were before... like we were in highschool.
I abhor the fact that I only noticed this now. He is one of the reason why I want to go home. He is also one of the reason why I never forget who I was back when I was in highschool. He is one of the reason why I study well.
Because once upon a time he was also one of the many reasons why I can smile in the midst of the emotional turmoil I am experiencing. He is one of the reasons why I don't want to give up on life.
And I hope that I would never lose him... ever... no matter how far the road of life would take me.
Isa kaming barkada. Magkakaibigan kami. Pag kailangan namin ang isa't-isa andyan lang kami sa tabi-tabi. Masaya kami kapag magksama kami kahit na ba may mga sarili nang nobyo o nobya ang isa't-isa hindi pa rin kami nawawalan ng oras para sa kaibigan namin.
Friday, May 22, 2009
When I was young whenever someone teases me my parents would say: “Wag mo nang pansinin sinabi nila.” So I tried to apply that lesson in life and it made me more confident in one or two ways.
But I had noticed that as you grow old you forget this lesson especially if you’re famous. Being famous makes people conscious of what other people are saying to them. You have to make sure of your every move... if your blog is still under construction then better if you don’t post it... or else your viewers might lose their interest of you or something like that – in the end I didn’t really understand.
Actors had it even worse because they can’t even be at ease wherever they go... sometimes even if they are at home.
Because they don’t have any sense of private life anymore the people around them even forget that they are humans too. Sometimes I even think they don’t go to the bathroom anymore. The image they project seemed so perfect that even if it is ruined a little bit their whole being is already destroyed.
The law is even more helpful to these celebrities... if a writer or commentator would say bad things about a certain actor then the actor could sue the writer and if he wins he gets richer. I don’t really understand the grounds for libel but as far as I am concerned it’s like that. Why can’t little children do that? If they are being teased by a bully why can’t they sue the bully libel or something similar to that? Oh well I think libel is only applied when printing malicious and false information about a person... so I have to wait until the bully writes whatever he is teasing? Ok... then could I sue him?
I don’t know if I’m still young or just naive or just stupid... because I don’t really want to care about what other people are saying about me. I know it might hurt once I hear them but after that what could I do? If I know for myself that it isn’t true why would I react violently? I was always told back then that if I react to teasing then it just means that what they are saying are all true. So if you know that they’re just teasing then you should just ignore what they are saying... that’s the mature way to act as what I was told about.
Since ignoring false accusations is the mature way then does it mean that those people aren’t mature? Oh well maturity doesn’t really come with aging anyway.
After another random article which is totally incoherent once more... (I swear hindi ako papasa sa ENG2 sa essay na ganito) I part with these words:
PS: I hate Hayden Kho and all men who are like him... stupid, backstabbing, blackmailing, disgusting and lowly men. Reacting violently? Guilty.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I am learning many stuff everyday. This is the first time in my life that I am riding the MRT everyday. When I was younger I always have this strange thought at the back of my mind. I always have this idea that at some point the train would suddenly explode. I'm watching TV too much. That's why I hate watching the news. It's always depressing and terrifying... the worst part of it all... it's true.
I am also learning about rss and php now. Now I finally understoo how powerful those feeds are. So if you want to you could subscribe to my blog... hahaha.
I am never an internet addict but now I appreciate the things the web could do. Maybe someday I would become so tuned to it that it would finally make a permanent place in my life.
I am also learning a few flash. I could do a bouncing ball now. Hahaha. I know I'm still far from producing a music video or game but soon I'll get there. Soon.
I'm working on a website now. I just hope all would end well.