Thursday, May 28, 2009

Another thought

>>>I don't know why I am so frustrated about it. I mean he is JUST my highschool classmate and I should accept the fact that his world and mine are two different things now. 

But there's always that something inside me that would tell me that accepting those things are wrong.

If he goes on like this then I would surely miss him. I don't know exactly what he is for me. Aside from being an old friend I know that there is something more. He is not my lover, and I am sure of that for I am now in love with someone else. But definitely he is more than a friend for me and a proof of that is I don't want him to get romantically involved with another girl. 
I know that I am being selfish but I can't help it. Everytime I think about the consequences of this petty fight I tend to cry. I don't want to lose him. I adore him for he is my friend. I hate it when I don't hear his voice over the telephone. I hate it whenever he tells me that he doesn't want me to come over to their house. I hate it whenever I feel that I am nothing more but a highschool friend. 

But most of all, I hate myself. Once more I am hating myself because of a boy... but the funny part about it is that he is just another highschool classmate of mine... well the most special highschool classmate of mine. If I could only love him again like I used to when we were younger then I would surely try to be his girlfriend... but I can't because I don't love him like that. Do not be mistaken. I don't love him to the extent that I would be his girlfriend. All I want is for our relationship to stay they were before... like we were in highschool. 

I abhor the fact that I only noticed this now. He is one of the reason why I want to go home. He is also one of the reason why I never forget who I was back when I was in highschool. He is one of the reason why I study well. 

Because once upon a time he was also one of the many reasons why I can smile in the midst of the emotional turmoil I am experiencing. He is one of the reasons why I don't want to give up on life. 

And I hope that I would never lose him... ever... no matter how far the road of life would take me. 

Isa kaming barkada. Magkakaibigan kami. Pag kailangan namin ang isa't-isa andyan lang kami sa tabi-tabi. Masaya kami kapag magksama kami kahit na ba may mga sarili nang nobyo o nobya ang isa't-isa hindi pa rin kami nawawalan ng oras para sa kaibigan namin. 


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