Have you ever experienced seeing everything you
ever dream of crumble in front of you? All your plans, hopes and wishes that
you were ever so careful to build suddenly go down and become rubble at your
feet.
Have you ever felt how it is to let go and lose
the single thing that can make you happy? That single person that could make
you really happy… like happy from the very bottom of your soul… just gone. And how ever you try to look for something that
can make you smile the effects are not the same and just don’t stick.
Have you ever hurt so much that the only way to
stop the pain is to not feel? When the pain drowns you, you have no choice
but to seal it all away. Since you are human sometimes you feel something:
happiness, sadness, anger, fear… whatever, but because you open the seal…even for a
tiny bit… the pain will leak out and take over. Back to crying again.
Have you ever looked down at yourself so much
that you can’t even let yourself die? Waking up you say to yourself, “You are a
dark-skinned fat ugly bitch and no one will ever love you” and this becomes
your daily mantra… the reality slap that will keep you going. You think of
improving yourself but you know it is futile and yet you try just to rub salt
to the wound. You used to have low self-esteem but now you are nothing. Not
even someone worth to kill. Living will be your hell and you shall suffer until
you rot inside the darkness of your thoughts.
I have ...
...and I sincerely hope no one else would ever feel the same way… because it sucks
so bad.
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