Have you ever experienced seeing everything you ever dream of crumble in front of you? All your plans, hopes and wishes that you were ever so careful to build suddenly go down and become rubble at your feet.
Have you ever felt how it is to let go and lose the single thing that can make you happy? That single person that could make you really happy… like happy from the very bottom of your soul… just gone. And how ever you try to look for something that can make you smile the effects are not the same and just don’t stick.
Have you ever hurt so much that the only way to stop the pain is to not feel? When the pain drowns you, you have no choice but to seal it all away. Since you are human sometimes you feel something: happiness, sadness, anger, fear… whatever, but because you open the seal…even for a tiny bit… the pain will leak out and take over. Back to crying again.
Have you ever looked down at yourself so much that you can’t even let yourself die? Waking up you say to yourself, “You are a dark-skinned fat ugly bitch and no one will ever love you” and this becomes your daily mantra… the reality slap that will keep you going. You think of improving yourself but you know it is futile and yet you try just to rub salt to the wound. You used to have low self-esteem but now you are nothing. Not even someone worth to kill. Living will be your hell and you shall suffer until you rot inside the darkness of your thoughts.
I have ...
...and I sincerely hope no one else would ever feel the same way… because it sucks so bad.