Oh hi, old me

Out of whim, I searched for the box where I kept my college stuff. The last thing I remember was that I kept all those things inside boxes. The “me” I know is quite organized. I must have labelled them somehow or even have an inventory of the school supplies. I can trust the old me to have kept them safe but somehow I can’t remember what happened to those things upon getting home. My mother must have stored them somewhere and I only have an idea as to where.

It’s hard to sleep when your heard is full of thoughts racing around with no direction. I think it started with the thought that I wanted to “write”… not type but write… I wanted to write a journal, a diary. From that I tried to recall when the first time I wrote on a diary. I think a project of some sort gave me the idea and from there I wanted to continue my own. So that was around grade school? I do not really remember. I remembered that I had a white notebook that I treat as my diary back when I was in college. That was my college life, or some of it, in written form and it was all inside one notebook. I sat up and decided to look for that diary. I wanted to read it and remember who I were back in my college days.

I searched my mother’s room. Under heavy plastic bags and other boxes that have contents I don’t know of, I found my boxes. Of course they looked the same as the last time I saw them. The index cards, new pencil, crayons, blue books and notebooks are still there as if waiting for me to use them for the new semester. Call me melodramatic, but seeing those things made me feel like greeting a very close old friend. It was nostalgic. I remember that I often get excited every start of the semester just by looking at school supplies. It was unfair and totally wasteful for me to leave them here when they can still be used so I salvaged some of the things that I could pass to my little sister. I know she could put them to good use.

After a while of digging around in the end, the diary was not there.

I just hope that the little memory of bringing that diary and some stuff back in the condominium is not a dream. I guess I just have to trust the previous “me” for that.

However all this searching didn’t end with nothing. I found my other diaries: grade school and high school. Somehow if this was accurate, then my official diary started when I was in Grade 4.

I tried to fall asleep by reading my Grade 4 self's handwriting and it was a very funny experience indeed. I noticed that I had a big problem with “dairy” and “diary”. I also found it cute that I used to write the time of my sleep to end the entry of the day: “I slept at 9:00” or “I slept at 8:30”. There are so many things that I don’t remember anymore while reading but it was nice to know the names of past friends or to know which toy I played for hours. I also read about the first time I got a laptop and how I thought designing cards was a game.

I decided to read this maybe until I get a new notebook I could write my life to. I know I already have a blog for that but of course there are some things that I want only the future me to read about. At some point the idea of innermost thoughts being all public scares me. 

This is halloween~

This year because of my new interests, Halloween had become my most favorite holiday. I think I like it even more than Christmas now.

The most powerful reason I have to love this holiday is that we can dress up and look ugly/weird/gory as much as we can without being judged as crazy. It is normal for people to paint blood on their faces and look fabulously ugly and I really enjoy the idea.  It is a celebration of blood and gore without having to have the intent on killing someone. And in a way, that is wonderful.

I am already set on my costume even before the date for our office Halloween party is already set. Since I’m preparing my Dead Master cosplay I might as well use it for Halloween. I don’t have the scythe, claws and horns yet but I won’t be cosplaying DM anyway so only the dress will do.

We already have cobwebs and tiny spiders all around the office. It was very nice to see that I'm not the only one who cares about Halloween. Usually people get excited about Christmas as soon as the "-ber" months arrive that they often forget that October and November still have holidays to offer. After Halloween we have All Saint's and All Soul's day and I believe those two should be remembered and considered as much as Christmas. But then again... an all out All Soul's day candle sale sounds ridiculous to me. 

I remember when I was younger I only saw Halloween on television. In my neighborhood no one really celebrated Halloween and we're supposed to always be gloomy and sad because of Nov1 and 2 because of all those things the holiday became even more inviting. In contrast to the sad "holiday" of remembering the dead, I see this holiday where children dress up in costume and can get candies. Of course to a little girl that holiday looks more fun... seriously.. the only fun thing about "Undas" is that we don't have classes those two days.

So I went to my dressmaker to check on my costume and to get fittings. In the beginning it was too tight then during the Halloween party it was too loose. Currently, the dress is still with her and I haven't seen what happened to it ever since. Somehow I haven't had a costume made that is perfect during the first fitting. :(

Aside from the dress I also prepared for my eyes. Of course I wouldn't want to wear my glasses in the party... unless my whole costume will go with it and I don't think it is. Unfortunately, my brown contact lenses (from my Conchita costume) are at home. I left it there accidentally. And since I'm a brat, instead of going home and just getting it, I went to the mall and bought a new pair. Sadly, the color I wanted is not available on my eyes... my eyes are around 5.00... it is really really bad. But I still found green ones that can reach my eye grade. I need green ones for DM and everything I'm doing now is really just a preparation for my Dead Master cosplay

Before the party my roommate kindly bough me this to satisfy my bloody needs. It's really fun to play with and I don't have to make my own bloody concoction which is very very nice for me and for the kitchen. But what I really enjoyed about this fake blood is the name: "Vampire Blood". What if somebody drinks it, will they turn into a vampire? LOL. Like my friend said "what will they sell next? Mermaid bones." Although secretly, I am looking forward for that time when they sell Memaid bones in Toy's r' us.

So this is my first makeup practice. I haven't acquired the fake blood here yet so I just used my red lipstick for "blood". I am not good with makeup but what the heck! This is halloween not the king's ball. I can just smudge everything and it will still look right for the occasion. I also tried my wig here already and I'm loving my fake curls. :3

I also ripped and dirtied my favorite white stockings. It's amazing how this stocking lasted longer than I expected, considering I just bought it at 711. It is quite thicker than the usual but I was thinking it would last me only a few weeks.... but as far as I can remember, this stocking had been with me for a year now take away a few months... but nearing that length of time. And today... I ruined them all for the love of Halloween. :3

In the end everything turned out fine for my costume. It was very fun to put blood on myself and to my office mates and if it's just me I would have blood all over my face and hands and stuff... but that would just be going over the top and where's the class in that?

So here are my pictures for that day: (including the one in the beginning of the post)

Here I am inside the ladies' room preparing

my original concept was to make me look like doll... well you won't always get what you want but this is good enough

I just think this picture is extra creepy :3

Of course after the party we still had to work. That's pretty much fine with me but if I could only wear my costume while working.. well I could wear it but that would be weird for the others... 

But I still continued to play with the fake blood since it's fun and even our teammates who had missed the party enjoyed the fake blood as well. Who doesn't like fake blood anyway? That is the only time you can play with blood in all its magnificent gore without thinking that someone got hurt acquiring it. 

I wish next year it could be like this again... and I hope next year my costume is bloodier and creepier!

-----------------------------

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes." 

Cosmania 2012

So rainy... I hate rain

I went to Cosmania.

Ok you can stop reading now since that is the only thing that this entry is about. But having no readers won’t stop me from writing this blog anyway. And who knows you might be one of the random cosplayers I took a photo of with my crappy cellphone camera.

Anyway, from what I’ve been around the internet when one blogs about Cosmania 2012, they will sure blog about Kaname or the other foreign friends they met at the event, unlucky for you, this entry isn’t that kind of blog.

 

I didn’t meet them. I didn’t even plan on meeting them, and I guess you can say that everything went according to my non-plan. 

You see, Cosmania had 3 kinds of tickets to offer: the “maykaya” ticket, the “mayaman-ako” ticket, and the “oh-I-have-money” ticket. The first ticket will get you have access to the booths, the second one will give you access to booth+stage/main events, while the most expensive one will let you meet and greet the foreign friends.

So knowing me, I bought the first ticket. I was hesitating at first since I really want to see the bands play and the cosplay catwalk and the main stage but I just have to admit I’m not that wealthy. So we have a one-room-only access where we have access to the merch booths and the side-stage sponsored by TV5.

Actually, it was really ok even if we just bought that ticket. The merch booths always kept me entertained in a convention since I love looking around and buying some things. I also got the wig I bought online, which is one of my goals for that day. Even if I didn’t see the catwalk, I already had my fill of cosplayers. I don’t really know if this has become a standard for every convention, but if you want to take pictures of cosplayers you would rather stay outside. Most of them are outside.   

Anyway, my companion for that convention enjoyed it. If it wasn’t for him not seeing the bands perform would make me sad.

the only thing he ate in the event

Because we didn’t stayed and watch the stage we manage to leave early. We had sushi for dinner and we went home. Even if we went home early we got very tired.

My Moral lesson: I can enjoy going to a convention even without watching the stage… oh wait… scratch that… I can enjoy anything as long as I’m with him. ^_^

Oh before I forget! The cosplayer pic strip:

Sadistic Vampire (Filipino version)

Audio : http://soundcloud.com/micelle/sadistic-vampire-filipino
Lyrics:

Halika dito sa aking tabi

Pangako, wala akong gagawing masama.

Gusto ko lamang na magkakilala pa tayo

Alam mo bang isa akong bampira

At ikaw ang aking bagong biktima

Dali at ibigay mo na ang munti mong leeg

can't stop loving you

Pinuntahan mo pa ako sa liblib na gubat na to

ganun mo ba talaga ako kagustong makita

Hangal ka man at nakakaawa, hinihirang pa rin kita

Hahayaan mo bang kainin ko na ang lahat?

Plaplanuhin ko ito

kung kakagatin lang kita ay boring naman

Lalapitan kita nang hindi ka matatakot

Kunwari proprotektahan mula sa mga hyena.

magpapanggap akong isang mabuting tao.

Kay dali lang na kainin ko ang mga loko-lokong iyon.

Ngunit kung masarap siya baka bagalan ko pa

Kahit ako man ay may panlasa rin naman

Halika dito sa aking bisig

Ang mahaba't malambot na buhok,

mga mata na humahalina sa kin

kay puting kinis, maliit na braso

Lika, mabait na bata,

pumunta sa aking tabi

bilisan mo! dalian!

Minamahal kita

katawan mo'y akin

kaya hindi ko hahayaan na may ibang

umangkin pa sa iyo

kaya tahimik ka lang

manalig ka sa akin

dahil hindi magandang pumiglas pa,

ano sa tingin mo, magandang binibini?

Kung may hangin mang lilipad sa

mga nakakayamot kong araw-araw

ang dugo ay unti-unting mabubuhayan

"hindi ito ang tipo ng lugar

na dapat puntahan ng batang tulad mo"

maginoo pa rin ako sa pag-alalay sa iyo.

Sumusunod ka nang hindi mo man lang alam na niloloko ka

Isa kang busilak at walang kamuang-muang na babae.

Natapos ang araw, ang buwan ay ngumiti nang kahinahinala

Maligayang pagdating sa entablado ko

sa loob ng madilim na gubat

nakayakap ka sa aking braso,

nakakainis na nga nang onti

"ayos lang yan,

wag kang mabahala,

proprotektahan kita

kung ibubulong nang dahan-dahan

mahuhulog ka lalo sa kin

ang mahikang itim

ay matutunaw na animo'y gatas

Habang paralisado ang iyong utak

ito'y magandang pagkakataon

dahan-dahan

kakagatin ko ang iyong leeg..

sa pagpawi mo ng gutom ko

tayo ay naging isa ngayon

ang sayang hapunan matapos ang mahabang panahon

ang babaeng nahihimbig

nang may masayang ngiti sa mukha

 ang humawak sa kanyang kamay ay si...

===================================

Sadistic vampire

Original on Nico

Music/Lyrics: オーP 

Translation:

-vocalochu.blogspot.com

-Google translate

-own interpretation

Images and clip

Artists:

しうか

鈴ノ助

Image 1

Image 2

PV clip

Vocacypher

So for the past weeks I've been making this cover for the YT Vocaloid Cypher. It was really fun to do. I made the lyrics, sing/rap it and upload it to YT as a new cover.  

First of all, I don't upload that often. It takes me a lot of time before a cover gets uploaded. I'm already working so the only time I can get to do this is when I get home after work. But, I usually get home tired and so instead of doing this... I rest. I also have other things to do during the weekend and as much as possible I try to spend my weekends with the people I love instead of being in front of the laptop again. 

So this is a good opportunity for me to upload a new cover. The project was made in the spirit of doing fun, "no-pressure" uploads again. My friend tagged me and I excitedly did this. The lyrics took me 2-3 days, the singing took me a weekend and a few days, and the video took me 2 days. Finally I was done. In the end, it was indeed fun. 

The lyric-making was frustrating. It was very hard to think of something so I ended up talking about myself. That was the easiest subject I could think of. I don't really rap that well and I was getting myself tongue-tied all over the place. The lyrics had to be modified just so I can sing it. Timing was very very important and all the time I was very focused on it. Finally, the video was simple on purpose since typography will take me months to finish and I have to pass the cypher before it gets cold. So this is my finished product. =3=

But what is "Vocaloid Cypher"? Is it a title of a song? No. An album? No. 

In my words, I'd say it's a "tag! You're it" singing challenge. This is a project started by Sohly. For more info about the project you can click here. For more info about the song itself just check the description, however the lyrics of the rap isn't there so I'll post the lyrics here. ENJOY~

Because I was tagged  in this Vocacypher thing

I need to rap now, when all I know is just how to sing

I thought it was a good challenge and so I give it a try.

I'll make my lyrics and rap so Let's see how this'll fly.

Now I know that you haven't heard me rap before,

but if you stayed you might like what I have in store.

I have an interest in rapping, and I’m fast in yapping

So I'll try my best and leave to you the rest

So my name is micelle, if I haven't told you yet.

and at first you read it as mi’sel I bet.

And if you look it up in a wiki I think you would see

that it is some particle but that isn’t me

The spelling might be the same but please pronounce it right.

or else I have no choice but to have you in a fight.

Oh yeah

I have been singing ever since I knew how to read

like how a tree starts with a little seed.

But I also write, and make videos too.

It’s because when I get bored I just find something to do.

When you don’t find me  doing something  creative

I have anime and manga… now that’s more productive.

And because of these hobbies I turn out to be

A fine little lady for all of you to see

So being an otaku doesn’t really hurt anyone.

As long as it is right and you’re having fun

I may look and sound young to everyone around me.

But I’m 23 as of this year actually

And everyone gets surprised because I am short

So I guess I didn’t get that growth spurt

I don’t really care now because I use it to my advantage.

I look cuter even though I am twice that age

I finished college and all and I’m already working

So now I make magic on programming.

So those are my hobbies, the things I do and stuff

So what I else… a btw I also like fluff.

I love voice actors they’re cool and all

And I dislike sports like golf and basketball.

I also tried acting just a year ago

I think I was quite good and I miss it so.

I like broadway

but I don’t have that much money 

So in reality I haven’t really watched that many

I also haven’t been outside my country at all

But I don’t feel my world is really that small

it’s the internet where I get to meet

A lot of foreign friends, now isn’t that neat.

My friends here too are also great

I’m happy to meet them I think it’s fate!

Finally I just have to introduce to you

My pet Tamad, he’s really lazy too

It sits around with that ridiculing smile.

But I know it loves us all the while

Now I don’t have anything at all

Maybe I could even try to stall

So what else to say,

I don’t have a clue

To keep thing song at bay

Do you know what I should do?

Since I have nothing else in my mind that pop

Let’s just end it with a stop-

My ex(-roommate)'s birthday

I wasn't supposed to blog about this but in the end I did. It was because of this post I made almost 2 years (give and take a few months) ago. 

But before we get to that what happened? Well it was my ex's roommate's birthday and we celebrated by playing and singing at Timezone. It was very very fun. 

They have this unlimited VIP card of some sort and you get to play for one hour with it. I didn't went on the details of it since I was too lazy to care about it... but what's important was: take this card Ren-chan and go crazy with it. So I did. Since I didn't bother about the details on how to use that card I just swiped it on everything I see ... if it works, "yay'... if it didn't "boo"... see how easy  my sleepy mind works? Ah yes... I was up the whole night before that and only had 3-4 hours of sleep in the morning before we met up in Trinoma in the afternoon. My eyes actually hurt at the end of the day. Anyway, I played some racing games and shooting games... and I got to fight PK and defeated her with powerful but pure button-mashing-out-of-ignorance technique.

After that was karaoke and even with 3-4 hours of sleepy I sang, dance and go crazy.  I really enjoy singing and enjoy it even more when I'm with these people. They're crazy... I'm a bit crazy... and we all don't care if we are. That's very good formula for having fun. 

It was weird though because something happened to us and it was my first time experiencing such a thing. My friend and I were about to go out and buy something to drink when someone suddenly went to the door behind me. I looked behind and there was this guy blocking the door of our karaoke booth. He wanted to join us...well he and his friends wanted to join us. I am unsure what to do so I decided to wait for him to go away and observe from outside... all the while glaring at his companions. What he did was rude and I have every right to show them that I didn't like what he did.

So as expected my friends didn't agree to what this guy wants... who would? I am not sure if I'm the only one who thinks like this... but I really thought it was already understood that you should know the people whom you are with inside the karaoke booth. Anyway, my friend said that as much as possible we would like to keep the booth for ourselves since we're celebrating someone's birthday but he said they too have a birthday celebrator. But that doesn't give them any right to just join in...right? So my friend said to talk to the our celebrator and checks if she agrees. 

Now, there are already 7 of us inside the room and the maximum is 5. In total we are 8 but there's one roaming outside since she doesn't want to sing. We are already violating that rule but no one really reprimanded us so I guess it can be tolerated. But one of us have to sacrifice and stand up the whole time. I have no idea how many that guy's group is but... seriously... the room isn't big enough for all of us.. literally.

So he went away with us promising him that when we are done we'll give the room to his group. Bitch, please. We came prepared. Even if we run out of tokens there's 7 of us who are willing to sing and shell out money to continue. We can stay there and sing until closing time. Sucks for him. 

So I went inside and decided not to drink first. My parched throat can still manage to sing just so we could prove that we are not going away any time soon.. Although I asked our roaming friend to buy us drinks... XD that's the second rule we broke... we snuck inside drinks. 

However, that wasn't the end of it... he came back D: He just went inside again, like it was no big deal, and grabbed one of my friends's shoulder/back. Since he was surprised, he finally snapped and shouted. The guy was stunned... and FINALLY all is well... and we sang happily ever after until we ran out of money and got hungry. It was nearly closing time then. ;)

We ate at Pizza Hut and that's when I decided to make the blog entry. I suddenly realized, after finishing the meal, that I was sitting at that same spot I was sitting when I made this blog post the pizza in the picture was from the same place. Ok maybe not the exact same spot since I know I was facing the mirror back then... but now I'm not but it's the same place where the table was. 

My plate this time

I love teasing these sisters...
that's my way of showing how much I love them :P

The celebrator is the one on the left... your left

ah... debating again. =_=

PK's awesome face XD

In comparison with the older blog post this time I wasn't alone. I was with friends. Both are nice experiences but the feeling are very different from each other. The happiness I felt from solitude and having my own pace is different from the fun I can experience with friends. Neither is greater than the other but both are memorable. I know I've been throwing this word out too often... but it was really fun. Having someone to actually talk to, to joke to, to laugh with and to get pissed off with... is just priceless. 

The delayed gift: The Novo adventure

So today my brother and I went to Novo. It is one tricycle, one bus ride and one LRT ride away from our house. It's not that near but I have been to further places so I can't really call it "far" from my point of view. 

The reason why my brother and I went there was that we needed to give a birthday gift to our youngest sister. Her birthday was on the 8th but because of the rains and floods the trip got delayed for a few days. 

So why Novo? Because we wanted to get a wig for her. Now I only know 2 places to look for cheap wigs: Cubao and Novo in Laguna. Laguna is out of the question since it's shitfar. If we go to Cubao I have to blindly find the store first since I don't know the exact store. I knew there was a Novo branch nearby so that's our only option. 

By the way, to anyone reading this that's in the Philippines and knows a place where I could get cheap wigs within/near Quezon City please tell me... ;A; I beg of you... 

Anyway... 

This was interesting for me because both of us don't know where that department store is. Thanks to google I learned beforehand where to go and what it looks like in the front. But that's all I know. Now, my brother and I are raised to stay inside the house. I don't like going out and don't really go to places until college. So we're not really street smart... at all... we're learning but we have a long way to get there. 

However, both of us love adventure and this drove us to go. I don't like riding on planes but I love the sense of adventure. That exciting feeling of going somewhere and seeing something new is very lovely for me. Like Luffy said, "if you can feel your heart pumping then it is an adventure." And pump goes my heart! Because of this feeling and the encouragement from a certain pirate king candidate I decided to continue this. 

My mother and my little sister wanted to go too but I didn't want to... but I'll get to that later on.

So after running for the bus, walking around the station and figuring out where to go and walking down the street while hoping it's the right direction... we made it.

I knew it was cheap there... but man! I was only looking for wigs but I was tempted to buy a lot of other things too. Sadly, the selection of wigs are pretty limited and the ones I was looking for aren't there. After a long discussion, asking a saleslady to comb a wig we didn't buy, and being busted for looking at their secret stockpile of wigs... we bought a wig with the right length but with a slightly different color. I know she'll be happy with it anyway and I know how to fix the color issue anyway. 

So before that we looked around the place for a while since both of us were hoping that there are other wigs somewhere else in that place... Novo had 3 floors and we were pretty positive. While walking and noticing how cheap the stuff is we started to joke around. If my mother was there with us... we will stay there longer,  and we would have new clothes and other things we don't really need. And if my little sister would see the cheap school supplies on the second floor I bet she would suddenly have all this requirements for school that weren't required before. Those two are suckers for these things. I am not really a fan of buying just because they were cheap but the temptation of buying stuff was really strong. I even took a random metal scrub and I told my brother, "hey you want to buy this?" "why?" he'd reply, and I would say "I dunno it's cheap... and I think we need this". Of course we were joking. Why on earth would I buy a metal scrub for our house.. we have ton of those already. Even until we were standing  in line I saw a glimpse or urinals and asked that joke again. 

It was a fun trip. I really enjoyed trips with my siblings... mainly because I can easily throw jokes at them and they usually understand my humor. I can't even begin to imagine what my boyfriend will say to me if I use the same joke... or my roommates ... 

Anyway, so here is the "loot":

Ugly camera is ugly... deal with it... anyway... here's what included there:

• 2 wigs one brownish/goldish yellow and one black (for my mother since she wanted one too)
• 2 tiny hat thing with ribbons and feather one black and one yellow... for me and my sister.
• 1 wig cap so she won't use mine anymore.
• 1 comb since I broke the handle of the old one
• 1 Mirror
• Green chains (not included in the picture) since it's cheap and we might need it
• some mascara and gold eyeliner for my sister

So after having a snack in KFC, being trolled by the rain, and waiting for a bus that would take us home... we finally got home....

...and my sister pretty much enjoyed what she got. My mother also had fun trying the black long haired wig. 

It was tiring but fun and I get to have new stuff as well... in the end it was all good.

Just checking if I am gay....

Recently, I’ve been attracted to men who my friends and colleagues think are “gay”, “gay-ish”, or even “effeminate”. I’m not bothered by this because I don’t really care. People can be attracted to someone because of many reasons and I am sure of the reasons why I am attracted to them. It is just one/any/all of these things: voice, talent or skill, passion for what they do, and that adorable charm that makes my heart melt... and shoulders… don’t forget the shoulder porn (things I learn from Tumblr).

I am not attracted to someone because of their looks because I won’t really give a fuck how they’ll look like if I don’t wear my glasses. My eyesight is like this… take a picture, now apply Gaussian blur on it like five times on Photoshop and I believe my eyes are still worse than that blurry thing. Now how on earth could I tell how beautiful or handsome someone’s face is or how sculpted or defined that person’s body is… when I won’t even be able to see something a feet and a half away from me? That’s why being attracted to someone’s voice is perfect if you have eyes like mine…

And about the other stuff like talent and passion… maybe I could post that some other time. Wait. Maybe I already posted it. XD I dunno.

Anyway, back to the topic I want to hold on to… yes the “gay” thing… I don’t really understand why people want to think they are gay. Well NPH is gay no question about that but the others aren’t. As long as they haven’t opened up being gay, and as long as they don’t have a boyfriend I will still believe that they are straight … and that I have a chance with them… just joking… it’s impossible.

I am not offended though, if I say I don’t care. I don’t. Really. Care. I don’t think there’s anything wrong if they are indeed homosexual. The talent, the voice, the passion and the charm will still be there and I will still turn into a mushy unintelligible jelly pond. What hurts me is that when people say that they are gay it sounds to me like they make that person less awesome… and maybe if they are gay then I don’t have a chance with them (which is again impossible in the first place)… and I don’t like that at all. I like dreaming and these people are awesome.

They are not gay, not because being gay is wrong… it’s because they are not homosexuals at all. It’s more a fact. I just don’t like calling a cat a dog when in fact it is a cat. Or someone calling a parrot a chicken when it is in fact a parrot.

The machismo shit people like to throw around is really annoying me. Just because that guy is gentle and says sweet stuff then he’s suddenly gay?! I am not sure about their definition of gay but I do not like to associate that adjective with them. It’s like saying that straight men cannot be sweet. It’s like saying that men are always rough, emotionless and insensitive.  It’s like doing something nice, gentle or good is only a feminine act. Bullshit. If men are all like that then I won’t mind being a lesbian for gay men.

I sound butt hurt now, don’t I? Hahahahahaha.

Then all these things would make me think… what if I’m gay now?! D: What if after being fed all these yaoi, BL, and shounen-ai things and being able to tolerate it… I finally turned into one of them. *shiver* Because I have to face it, the best fangirl materials came from fandoms with BL on it so now I’m used to seeing these things. And these fans are just amazing. The things they draw, write, create are simply amazing. They are very talented people contributing beautiful things for their community. Isn’t that really nice? But just don’t put hardcore stuff there. I feel uncomfortable *cringe*. I respect what they like but I can’t stop being uncomfortable. Sorry.

So just to check if I am still me, this is quite important for someone like me, I test myself sometimes. I should tell you that I do not enjoy it at all. It’s like taking bitter medicine… no matter how awful it taste it will solve the problem. So there… I am still not a fujoshi. Thank god!

Magic is timeless: Fangirling over Penn & Teller

Recently and until this moment, I’m addicted to Penn & Teller. It started with watching Penn & Teller: Bullshit! Yes, I like the show very much.  I learned a lot from it even though I don’t agree to everything they show there. There are issues there that are happening in my country as well but their arguments won’t be applicable here. Sucks for us. Anyway, I’m not really good when it comes to holding on to statistics and any numerical information in my head so I’ll stop and won’t let this blog entry go to that direction. I won’t argue as well since I am bad at debates or any form of persuasion. So I’ll just turn this blog entry to a nonsensical ramblings of a fangirl, since that’s what I like doing and what I think I’m good at. *wink*

By the way, you can stop reading now if you dislike fangirling or anything related to it.

So let’s continue… like I said, I love Penn & Teller. Penn is the talkative half of the duo. He is really loud, opinionated and usually condescending. Meanwhile Teller is the quiet but scheming mastermind of it all. Together they complete this duo that does gory, eccentric magic that usually blows my mind off. I love magic and the two of them makes me love magic even more. I like the blood, the execution, the skill, the artistry and their passion. It sucks that I live oceans and miles away from them and I cannot watch them perform live …but you know there is something that is more disappointing than that… I am quite sad that I wasn’t born earlier. I am actually regretting something I have no control over. This is the first time (well first that I can think of) that I want to be born earlier.

This duo had a movie called “Penn & Teller Get Killed” it was shown around the year I was born. At that time the two of them were already shown in Public TV and were already rising stars. They were already making a bigger name for themselves while I’m still in diapers! (or lampin or whatever catches my poop)… but that didn’t stop me from appreciating the movie and from appreciating the two. The movie is even playing while I write this on my laptop. Teller is just so adorable. I have to be honest though, at the end of the film I have no idea what was the point of it all. Maybe after a few more times of watching it I’ll get it. Hopefully…

I’m thinking that maybe if I was born earlier, then by now I might be successful enough to actually go to Vegas and afford to be on one of their shows. Maybe I could even watch Exorcist while knowing Teller is one of the creative minds that helps in scaring the shit out of me.  

So after that I continued watching more Penn & Teller on YouTube, searching wiki and going to some of the websites that contain them. I even started tracking them on Tumblr and following them on Twitter. I do hope they are actively updating their Twitter so I can be a happy little fangirl again with every new tweet.  Heck! I even started caring about shows like “The Celebrity of Apprentice” because of them… and it made me dislike Clay Aiken more :P So yes, even though I didn’t live at the same time as they were younger, and even though I have no way of going to Broadway or Las Vegas or to London … I still manage to satiate my fangirling. THANK YOU INTERNET!

So as I continue on doing this, I realized something. It doesn’t really matter. The whole “I wish I was born earlier” is now senseless. So what if Teller is over 60? He is still the god of sleight of hand of his time plus he is still so adorable. And Penn is still one of the most fascinating minds I have ever heard; he is just kick-ass awesome. However, I have a bias over Teller because I like how he works behind the scenes and his facial expressions are priceless … but all in all I love them both to bits and pieces.

As long as I watch their performances, their skill put in front of an audience I feel like time won’t really be a problem for me. It wasn’t a problem for them. As they grow older they improve on their old acts and even make newer ones. I have seen the card-stab trick for a number of times now and it never fails to amuse me.

Magic will always be something that amuses me. No matter how many times magicians guess the card, or produce something out of thin air… even if I already know the secret behind cups-and-balls… I will always be amused. Magic tricks are simply astonishing. When I see a trick I’ve never seen before I feel like I’m a child again with eyes full of awe… then I would revert back to my old self and be amazed of the skill and talent behind the trickery. Even if they are tricks performed long ago or recently, since I just saw them they are all new to me.  Magic is timeless. The effect they have on people who ever they are will never change even if they are performed at any time or at any place.

I’m not sure how long this fangirling will last but until now this is all I ever watch and think about. I also have this undying urge to learn magic… but since I know I’ll be very very bad at it I managed to suppress it.  AND… I have this big desire to glomp Teller but since that is not good and frowned upon by society I managed to lock those desires somewhere under my bed.  

Finally, I have officially added: “Watch Penn & Teller live” as one of the things I would want to accomplish before I die…. Almost as equal as watching GR live and below “shake Eiichiro Oda’s hand”.

[June 4-5 2012] Dream

Notes: Not really sure if I'm going to keep a dream journal but for now I just want to post this one here. I can't really stop thinking about it.

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Flash. The man on the wall turned into stone. That was my signal. I waved my hand and the creature hiding under the table turned into stone too.

The scene repeated itself making sure that there was no mistake. It was a simple task, really. When the man turns to stone I should turn the creature under the table into stone. No more no less.

Flash. It was flawless.

We gathered around the pavilion. I looked around just to have a look at the people. There were three plump men: one with red hair, one with blue and one with green. They were all grinning happily at me with eyes full of warmth and kindness. I smiled back. I felt happy to be with them. I held my hand out and felt a hand hold on to mine. I looked at my side and saw the boy I love. I saved him too. I grew happier just to see him there. I kissed his hand and was about to say something when the demon on my other side interrupted me.

“A life per life” he said with a grin. His unusually straight teeth gleamed at me.  I rolled my eyes.

“I know but couldn’t you just let me go free this time. This is a very large cargo... even for me, to bear.” I said gesturing around the men.

“Five people. Piece of cake.”

“For you old fiend... but I’m only human.”

The demon looked at me as if I said something foolish. I didn’t even miss the slight shake of his head.

“A transporter, nonetheless.” He said in a tone that usually meant the end of our discussion.

I held out of my right hand to him and he licked from wrist up and around my elbow. I winced in pain.

I looked at the people with me and to the boy holding my hand. I guess it was worth it.

When the deal was done it was now time for me to work. The demon stepped out and the people left went around me in a circle.

I snapped my fingers and concentrated on taking everyone with me.

The world whirred around me and I got sucked inside the whirlwind of worlds and endless space. But as that went on, I held myself and the four people with me in perfect stillness. My feet were lifted up but the moment that it did the stone floor slid down my soles again as if I made a small jump.

Transporting was a success.

“Well that was a nice experience.” The gentleman with the red hair uttered.

Suddenly, a pang of pain hit my abdomen. It was fast but very painful. When it disappeared, I could feel myself already falling.

My head didn’t find the floor though.  Being surrounded by people who love you was handy during times like these.

“What did you promise me, honey?” the soft voice of a man said.

“I can’t die.”

“You got it ducky.”

A flash of visions came to me. My future perhaps? A time when I’m no longer living but I still can’t die.  I saw a spectre of myself still clinging to a dark and dead world.

I opened my eyes. The nearest to me was a bald guy even more plump than the guests. I was on his lap the whole time.

I shook my head so hard and slapped myself awake.

“Welcome back to mermaid cove.” The bald man said as he hoisted me up to stand straight.

“Are you ok?” The boy asked me. I nodded and I simply kissed him on his cheek.

We walked, led by the bald man and obviously going towards the large balcony.

From there I saw the wide blue sky with white clouds lazily passing by. The mountain topped with green was just under the blue of the sky. I felt at home seeing such scenery.

When we reached the balustrade, I just had to breathe deep and hold onto this scenery.

“Anyway, this is the last stop of our trip. Here, we say our goodbyes.” I said to the three men with brightly hued hair.

“I’m sure we would see each other again.”  The man with the blue hair said.

I tossed myself to him and embraced him by the neck. “I would be very pleased if we would.”

He placed me down and gave a hearty laugh.

“Now if you excuse me, how do you go down there from here?” The man with the green hair said.

“I can show you. Follow me.” The boy said, he gave me quick smile and walked with the plump man with green hair.

The two vanished behind a bush where I know the staircase was located. A sudden gush of wind came from behind me. I whipped my head around with a big smile on my face. Surely, flying away from us was a large blue dragon. His head still looked back on us with the same kind eyes that looked at me the whole time.

The man with the red hair bowed at me and jumped over the balustrade. He had a light body for such a big man.

The moment he jumped away from the balustrade his body just extended. His neck, his arms, and his body they became wider then bigger. His arms stretched out and in one flap he shed his skin revealing blood red scales. He flapped his arms once more and just when I thought his transformation can be caught by my eyes he had already became a full grown dragon without me knowing.

My brain won’t ever comprehend how marvelous such transformations were.

He flew away quickly catching up to the blue dragon who went head.

“Hey!” I heard a voice from below the balustrade.

I looked down.

The balcony was a mere twenty feet from the wide water below. The crystal clear water looked shallow seeing how visible the rocks were but it was deep enough to occupy a gigantic green tortoise. On its shell was the boy, waving his hands towards me and calling for me.

I squinted my eyes. I saw how the mermaids followed behind the tortoise. I knew they were around there because of him. I gripped the balustrade and jumped over it. It was a straight descent into the water.

I splashed unto the water, hoping to see him when I surfaced.

Forward to a few weeks after that...

I surfaced at once when I saw a white skull passing by in front of me. The water looked darker now.

The mermaids turned into normal human women. Their fins turned into feet. The ones with fins were usually the lucky ones. There were other mer-creature in mermaid cove that didn’t have fins but rather tentacles, so when they turned into normal women their other tentacles turned into whatever limbs it wanted to be.

They used to look magical but now such creatures looked strangely grotesque.

I paddled into a large rock and climbed my way up. I surveyed the surrounding. The creatures around me were confused, depressed or distraught with grief. Some, especially those who had gone crazy had drowned themselves.           

I looked at my left at a rock only a few meters away from me.

“What have you done?” I asked.

The woman with long haired had already wrapped her naked body with the fur of an unknown animal.

“I just transported all of mermaid cove to this world. I don’t see the problem in that.”

“The problem is that in this world mer people do not exist and as this world’s law dictates they will be forced to turn into humans to fit in.” I said almost through gritted teeth. This mermaid didn’t know a thing about transporting.

“Then that’s good. All of us now fit in.”

“This isn’t exactly fitting in.” I gestured towards the oddly shaped creatures around us. They were neither human nor mermaid.

After the world had changed a creature into a state that satisfied the law then it can be considered irreversible and final.

She walked away. 

inSOMAnia 4

This year’s inSOMAnia was special to me. It was the first time that my organization, UP SOMA Soshiki, held a convention outside of UPLB. It was the first time it was held inside a mall. But aside from the venue, it was the first time that I had attended inSOMAnia as an alumni. Also, this was the first time I sang on stage in a convention. There was just a lot of firsts for me in this convention.

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A few days before inSOMAnia I had been going over and over with myself whether I’ll perform or not. My friend and I had been interested before. We talked to the current members and opened up the topic. When I read the letter they gave to us, I gave up hope. There was an audition and we have to sell tickets. The audition ended last Feb 25 and it was already Feb 28  when I asked again about this.

I have decided then that I would not sing anymore as a performer but rather, I will join the karaoke contest. XD

Suddenly, when I have finally decided which song to sing in the karaoke contest they contacted me and asked if I will still perform.  It was 3 days before the actual thing. I am not that confident. I don’t have a song prepared and even if I pick a song now I will have problems regarding the lyrics. If only it is in English or Filipino. I know I would embarrass myself in front of everyone. I know all these, but I still said yes.

Here is my reaction before the actual performance...

Anyway, enough about singing... there’s more about that later. I would rather talk about the event itself.

The members encountered a lot of things this time that I was really proud of them for pulling off the whole event. It was sad that there’s no merch booths and food booth. It was a good thing that the event centre was near the food court and so people can easily come out and eat and go in again.

I was really impressed with the ticket system they had.

It was like this: the whole convention centre was filled with activity booths. The booths were seemingly easy mini games. To join the games you have to buy tokens from the main booth. Once you win from a booth you can get points. If you accumulated enough points then you may get the corresponding item from the main booth. The items ranged from button pins, keychain, shirts, gloves etc.

Aside from the activity booth, the event also had the usual cosplay competition, band performances and art contest. I even saw the “Pinoy Superman” and his chin of absolute perfectness during the cosplay competition. He was fabulous as Ulric. I would never forget the last line in his speech “Hindi lahat ng kontrabida ay pangit” which is so true...

So here are the pictures and some videos of the event. Because of this year’s convention, I am really looking forward for the next... congratulations children... you pulled it off. I am so proud of you. 

Pictures here

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Some of the videos here:

Feb Fair 2012

Pumunta ako ng LB para ayusin ang clearance ko. Ang tagal na rin simula nang magtapos ako pero hindi ko pa rin makuha ang diploma ko dahil hindi pa ako cleared. Kaya dahil naisip ko na panahon na para makuha ang diploma ko ginawan ko na ng paraan para ma-clear na ako.

Siyempre, nakatiming na feb fair ako pupunta para masaya. Maganda ang fair sa UPLB, may perya, may banda, maraming pagkain at kung anu-ano na pwedeng mabili. Pero hindi yan ang gusto ko puntahan sa  fair. Tuwing feb fair may tinatawag na “cosplay day” ang org ko, ang UP SOMA Soshiki, kung san nagcocosplay ang mga miyembro at paparada palibot ng fair. Simpleng tradisyon na napakasaya. Ang tagal na rin nang huli akong tumuntong sa LB nang nakacosplay. Matagal na rin na hindi ako nagcocosplay.

Siyempre may listahan ako. Ayoko naman na isa lang gagawin ko samantalang minsan-minsan lang ako makabalik ng eLBi. Kaya eto ang mga kelangan ko gawin:

1. Ayusin ang clearance at iba pang papeles
2. Magcosplay ng Conchita
3. Makabonding ang mga kaibigan ko
4. Makilala ang mga bagong miyembro ng SOMA

Natutuwa akong sabihin na nagawa ko naman ang lahat ng yan.

Feb Fair/Cosplay day

Noong nakaraan na taon lang nagkaroon ng perya sa UPLB feb fair. Ang daya di ba? Samantalang ang napala lang naming dati ay brownout. Pero ok lang, hindi man ako nakapunta nung nakaraang taon ngayon ay nakabawi na ako.

Sa totoo lang takot ako sa mga rides. Sa EK nga hindi ako makasakay sa mga rides dun dahil sa takot. Ayoko nang hinahagis-hagis ako, ayoko nang nahuhulog at higit sa lahat ayoko ng nahihilo. Kaya alam ko na hindi ako magandang kasama pag pupunta ng Star City o Enchanted Kingdom. Masaya naman ako sa pagiging KJ, kesa naman mamatay di ba? Kung natatakot ako sa EK pano pa kaya sa perya rides? Dinig na dinig ko yung bakal na parang may pumipitiik sa bawat ikot nung ride. Parang masisira na lang yun bigla. Pinakakinakatakot ko ay baka biglang ma-Final Destination pa kami.

Kaya eto kami at ng mga kaibigan ko habang nag-iisip kung san pupunta

Oo nga pala, nakita ko rin ang mga batang miyembro ng SOMA. Ang cute nila sa mga cosplay nila at naaaliw lang talaga ako. Sa org house rin ako nakitulog ng gabing iyon. Buti na lang may mapupuntahan pa rin ako kahit na matagal na akong wala sa LB. :3

Magcocosplay sana ako kaso maulan at maputik sa Freedom Park. Kaya ayun hindi na lang. Sayang talaga.  

Bonding...


Kinabukasan, kanya-kanya naming ginawa ang mga kelangan naming gawin. May pumasok sa klase, may mga naglakad ng papel at iba pa. Kumain rin kami ngayon dun sa restaurant na gusto ko talagang kainan. Nakalimutan ko yung pangalan (Auntie Pearl’s )pero grabe ang sarap ng pagkain dun.

Nagphotoshoot kami pagdating ng hapon. Maulan pa rin kaya sa loob lang kami kumuha ng larawan. Hindi na talaga kami gusto paglakarin sa feb fair ng ulan na ito. Nananadya na nga ata eh.

Pagkatapos nun ay karaoke. Masaya magkaraoke kasama ang mga kaibigan. Kahit na hindi ganun kaganda ang pagkanta masaya pa rin. Nakakalimutan ko sandali lahat ng mga iniisip ko. Nakakatanggal talaga ng stress ang pagkakaroke para sa kin.

Eto ang ilan sa aming mga pagwawala: Video 1: James | Video 2: Kana and James duet | Jibun wooo

Hay...

alam ko... talagang nakakapagod...

Natapos ko naman agad ang buong proseso ng pagcclear at pagkuha ng diploma. May natutunan pa nga ako na bagong kanta. Ang buong akala ko kasi “UP Naming Mahal” lang ang kelangan kong kantahin. Handa naman akong kantahin ang kanta nay un at matagal ko nang saulado iyon. Nagulat lang talaga ako na may ISA PANG kanta na DAPAT kantahin. “Sulong CAS”. Hindi ko alam kung san galing, pano sumulpot, at sinong nakaisip na irequire siya. Hindi ko talaga alam ang kanta. Ngayon ko lang narinig ang kantang iyon... pero dahil gusto ko na matapos ang lahat at marami pa akong mas masasayang gagawin... sinaulo ko ang awitin na iyon. Sa loob ng isang oras. Malamang narindi na ang kasama ko sa kakanta ko nun pero kelangan ko maLSS sa kantang iyon para tumugtog siya ng tumugtog sa utak ko.

Nakanta ko naman. Kaya nakapagpatuloy ako sa aking paglalakad ng papel.

Matapos ko makuha ang clearance ko nalaman ko na makukuha ko na rin ang diploma ko sa oras rin na iyon. Astig. :D Kaya onting hintay lang at nakuha ko na rin ang diploma ko.

naghihintay lang ng diploma

sobrang bagot kung anu-ano na lang ang pinipicturan ko eh XD

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Masayang bumalik sa LB kahit na sobrang nagtaas ang pamasahe at marami na akong hindi kilala. Hindi na ito ang “LB ko”. Wala na ang mga teacher, instructor, classmate, tindera at mga lugar na alam ko. Napalitan na sila ng mga bagong mukha at bagong tindahan. Ang mga alal-ala na ginawa ko sa lugar na ito ay hindi na rin ganoon ka-linaw.

Ngunit kahit na ganoon, parang nanumbalik sa kin ang mga nagdaan na panahon nang bumalik ako nitong mga nakaraan na araw. Kasama ko kasi muli ang ilan sa mga tao na nagbigay kulay sa aking pananatili sa LB noon. Naglakad kami muli sa parehong kalsada na nilalakad namin noon papuntang klase. Parang normal na araw lang noong estudyante pa ako. Kaya kahit sandal parang walang pinagbago ang LB... parang naging “LB ko” uli ang lugar.

Ang saya... sana mangyari uli ito...

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eto pang ibang mga larawan na kinuha ko  ^_______________^