You are a dark-skinned fat ugly bitch and no one will ever love you

Have you ever experienced seeing everything you ever dream of crumble in front of you? All your plans, hopes and wishes that you were ever so careful to build suddenly go down and become rubble at your feet.

Have you ever felt how it is to let go and lose the single thing that can make you happy? That single person that could make you really happy… like happy from the very bottom of your soul… just gone.  And how ever you try to look for something that can make you smile the effects are not the same and just don’t stick.

Have you ever hurt so much that the only way to stop the pain is to not feel? When the pain drowns you, you have no choice but to seal it all away. Since you are human sometimes you feel something: happiness, sadness, anger, fear… whatever, but because you open the seal…even for a tiny bit… the pain will leak out and take over. Back to crying again. 

Have you ever looked down at yourself so much that you can’t even let yourself die? Waking up you say to yourself, “You are a dark-skinned fat ugly bitch and no one will ever love you” and this becomes your daily mantra… the reality slap that will keep you going. You think of improving yourself but you know it is futile and yet you try just to rub salt to the wound. You used to have low self-esteem but now you are nothing. Not even someone worth to kill. Living will be your hell and you shall suffer until you rot inside the darkness of your thoughts.

 I have ...

...and I sincerely hope no one else would ever feel the same way… because it sucks so bad.

When someone else's hero dies

Today the RWBY, Roosterteeth and Monty Oum fandom grieves. It was a very sad news indeed. Monty Oum died at 33, that was the first news I read yesterday morning.
Now, I can't say that I'm part of the fandom but I enjoyed Dead Fantasy once upon a time and I'm very amazed by how much of a workaholic he is. I seem to easily look up to workaholic people (Oda ehem). True, I may have seen only one video clip of RWBY ... and I think that was only a teaser video ... but that scene made such a big impact to me. Even to this day there are scenarios in my head that was like that scene. No one said that you can't be inspired by the art just because you are not part of that fandom.

I have no right to cry but I'm crying. I feel that the community lost an amazing man, someone who can do more if only given more time. Sayang. That is what I feel most of all. Sayang talaga, bakit ganun.

My heart goes to all the fans. I've seen a lot of fanarts, animations, and cosplays inspired by him. He had touched so many hearts and I just can't even begin to imagine how they are feeling. I have heroes too and I don't know what I'd do if they are taken like this from me.

He will be missed. I know he will. The inspiration hehad given to his fans will bear fruit someday. I hope to see those someday. Maybe heaven will be a more efficient place now that he is there.


PS
so many tears because of deaths this year.. I hope we could all survive this year.

Nee~ sukidesu

「micelle」世界は恋に落ちている
Music and Lyrics by HoneyWorks



So this is this month's cover... of course it always begins like this. I get to record until February (luckily March or April) but it will slowly fade by the middle of the year when I already have a lot to do. *sigh*

Sadly, I can't upload the video to youtube due to copyright and stuff. I "tried" to make an original video that I can upload but I know that I won't be able to get around doing that so I guess this will do.

YAY 2015 : first post of the year

First post of the year! Hooray~

But let's look back at 2014 for a while here...

I turned 25 this year and even if I still cannot feel that feeling of being adult, there were many problems that I've encountered that proved to me that I've matured enough to go through it with a cool head and a calm appearance. I am still a blazing ball of emotions but somehow this year I managed to keep it inside the box. 

I might not be able to travel outside the country but this year was not devoid of any exciting activities. I went to Pagsanjan falls this year with my friends and went to Rizal's house with my family. Somehow I managed to finally find time to visit those tourist spots that I never really bothered to go to even though I've been so near them my whole college life. Hopefully someday I can actually visit Makiling. lol.

With the 2D shota Rizal

The funny thing about this though, was that I've written about a 2D shota Rizal before for an otome game I made with my friends. I didn't imagine to be meeting one someday... with all the 2D-ness. XD

The falls

We've seen a number of shows this year including Wicked, Chicago, Disney concert etc. I've also started to drag my sister to some of these events (mostly watching movies). It's nice fangirling with your sibling from time to time. Hopefully there will come a time when I don't have to pay for both of us so I can take her to the more expensive musicals. 

fangirling runs in the family

This year was also all about getting used to the new team. Somehow it became more than just "getting used" because I seemed to have enjoyed this company with little to no effort at all. True, the morning crowd was noisier and livelier than the night scene that I was used to work in for years but somehow I enjoyed it. I made new friends that I could had been friends with if I worked in the morning and I find the mid-shift team to be an interesting bunch.

During the company outing.
Because staying inside the room is more awesome with these people around

One of the many "payday dinners" I've enjoyed with Abi and Arvin this year

Regarding my other stuff, somehow I never really fulfilled my 2014 promise of one cover a month, so I'll just carry that over to this year's New Year's Resolution but changing that to one cover/project every 2 months. Ayan ah every 2 months na yan ah... UTANG NA LOOB gawin mo na yan. On a brighter side, James and I managed to finally do our cosplay collab and finished Kirishima's cosplay. And since I've bought a sewing machine this year, I made a few simple sewing projects, which included that tiger top I used when I sang Katy Perry's Roar during our company's outing.  

Sewing costumes and rocking that look at pictures

I've also tried to learn Japanese again this year, but still was not enough to actually take the JLPT. 2015? Not really sure if I should take that exam at all... but who knows. I must also add that buying that Kumyoung karaoke helped me a lot in reading faster. Karaoke really does help in reading (reading Hiragana that is)! 

I have a certificate~ yay

Overall, 2014 was really something else. There were a lot of good things, bad things, exciting things and terrible things.  There were times when I wanted to give up on everything and just dig a hole and hide inside it. There were also times that I wanted some moments to last forever. Somehow I pulled through and made it to another year. But I know it's because I was never alone during the whole ordeal. My family, James, my friends and office mates were always there helping me and making things more fun. Thanks 2014... 

now hoping that 2015 will be a more awesome one. 

Merry Christmas

Hoping this presentation would make you feel what Christmas is all about...

hay... kay hirap kumita ng pera.

Summoned by customs

Last Friday I was summoned by customs. This was due to the most recent purchase I made online, which was Granrodeo's G9 DVD. I hoped, like all the previous purchases, that it would arrive at the office. Unfortunately, customs found the item taxable and instead of the box with the DVD, this notice was sent to me last Friday. ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ

So I googled and google map'd the way there and this site proved to be most useful. Since it was Friday when they gave the notice I decided to go there by Monday.

I had 2 more days to wonder about what was happening to my package and how much I needed to pay. The customs' site did have an online  calculator but who knew... it was widely known that customs was one of the most corrupt department in the Philippine government.

Speaking of corruption, there were a lot of  "horror stories" I found on the internet regarding this: 200% tax, bargaining to lessen the taxed amount, long lines, inefficient service etc.

I found myself getting terrified as each day passed by.

Monday came, woke up really early... I mean... earlier than the usual (*´∀`*) eh-hehe. So I went there by bus and I arrived around 10:30-ish.

I gave the notice card and used my passport as my ID. Waited and waited some more to have either my name or my number called.  They opened the package in front of me to confirm if that was my package... just to see Kiiyan peeking from the guy's hand made me really glad. They put the DVD back in the box and violently taped it. They separated us yet again and made me wait some more.

But that was the only beginning... the computation now began.

Luckily, I did not become a victim of corrupt officials who would charge even more than the item's price. However, the tax is still too big... why do they have to be that much?

Anyway, so I paid the charges and got my package. I did become one of those people who went out happily with their package in hand. ヽ(；▽；)ノmi bebe was finally in my arms.

Resibo with computations

Post office fee

FINALLY MY BABY IS HOME

Cosmania 2014

I went as Kirishima, complete with the cannons, and James went as Jesus. He had to do a simple cosplay because his actual task is to support me with the cannons he made. We were 'almost' prepared for anything. We had been planning for this. Our time has come. 

Seriousness aside, it was really fun. What made it fun was the Kancolle cosplay group we just happened to had met on that day. They were such a nice and fun bunch and I enjoyed how they love Kancolle.

The night/day before

We were cramming. We were cramming like there is no tomorrow... rather... we were cramming like tomorrow is just around the corner. 

But in the end, we didn't make it. for Saturday. To make it worse, it even rained. Props with water-based paint really isn't good to carry around in the rain. 

A decision needed to be made: I had to drop out of Potted Potter. 

Potted Potter was my Sunday thing. The plan was I'll go to Cosmania Saturday and Potted Potter on Sunday. I really wanted to see Potted Potter that's why I was determined to finish all my stuff before Friday. But not everything was just "my stuff" I somehow forgot a single important factor -James' stuff.

And we had to cram that all the way to Sunday. 

Come Sunday, we had another problem: the cannons were too bulky for public transportation! Only during these times do I wish I have a car. Good thing we found and rented a van.

In the end we made it safely to the venue and had fun.