Sometimes I smile

Every morning whenever I fight my way through the battlefield that is rush hour EDSA I try my best to smile. I smile to annoy people, to entertain people, and to make fun of the whole ridiculous shitty system.

There are mornings though that I don't smile just to smile. There are mornings that are truly beautiful that I just can't control myself from pulling my lips to a smile. I had long forgotten how to be a morning lark, but now it's coming back to me.

But sometimes I try to imagine what it would feel like to see a single smiling face in a pool of stressed scowls. Dare I hope that I make someone's day just by actually trying to be pleasant in the morning.

Short review of "Memoirs of an Imaginary friend"

I’m not really good a reviews but I just need to post something about this book. 

Just finished listening to this precious precious audiobook. The premise was interesting and the execution was superb. I won’t post any more details so as not to spoil anyone who will read this, but it’s about a special boy and his imaginary friend, narrated from the perspective of the imaginary friend. 

I listened to this because a good friend of mine recommended it. She was amazing and the book is perfect for someone like me. 

This book made me cry and smile and made me feel how lucky I was to have imaginary friends. Most of all, it made me feel that it was not wrong to have imaginary friends.

I too have imaginary friends, and I love every single one of them. I do not want them to ever fade away. Listening to this made me realize how wonderful they really are and how I love them so much. Although I don’t talk about them to real people they are still there. Without them, I won't be the person I am today.

I recommend this to everyone who had imaginary friends or to someone who is curious as to what having an imaginary friends feels like. 

I recommend this to everyone who needs a friend and to everyone who wants to feel the warmth and love of real friends, even if that friend is imaginary.

I am trash

I am trash.
Of course I knew that before, but I had to be reminded of it every single night.
I don't even feel anything anymore when I'm reminded of it.
I just accept it as it is.
I even joke about it from time to time.

I am trash.
No fancy words. No tears to cry. No pain in my chest.
I just know. I am trash.

Watching real people series and stuff

Warning: Fangirling. Don't read if you don't want to read me ramble.


So recently, I've finished watching Parks and Rec. The whole marathon was so worth it; all 7 seasons of seeing characters develop wonderfully, of watching a strong story unfolding and a closing with a good clean ending. The other sitcom that I'm still watching up until now is TBBT, and compared to that the subtle comedy (I say subtle because of the lack of laughs?idk) and unique characters are a breath of fresh air.

Currently, I'm still having withdrawal symptoms and I bet I'd watch everything again. It's short and it's fun. I could watch this until 6 in the morning... and you bet I already did that!



Anyway, my favorite character in that series must be Andy, played by Chris Pratt. He started off as this big annoying baby with two broken legs, but he's actually sweet... and really really dumb. Then I started seeing him like a big adorably puppy that just loves everything because everything is awesome. (YES! I did that!)

But good lord, did I fall in love with him when he was with April. Honestly, I envied their relationship and how they just love each other through thick and thin, in success and in weirdness. Making Pratt a regular in the series was already, for me, the best decision the people behind the series could ever make... but pairing Andy and April topped even that!

I don't even know how to begin in describing how I love their pairing. Even if they were just hugging at the background is enough to make my heart flutter... so how do I even start to explain what emotions it asks of me whenever I see them role-playing or making out. There is a mixture of pure envy and pure happiness. Of course, I'm still rooting for them. They're my OTP. And I love their reactions and interactions with each other that I could not even imagine the character could exist without the other.

On a side note, *sigh* I want to cling on to someone like Andy as well.

So now, I am obsessed with Chris Pratt. I even watched Jurassic World, Lego Movie, Guardians and Jurassic World ,again, this weekend. Yes. In that order. Contemplating on watching his older movies as well if I could only have the extra time... but for now this will do.

My preference has been distorted in a new way again, having to add this new obsession. Apparently, I am attracted to facial hair. I've seen Andy without facial hair in the series and he looked odd... he's far more attractive when he has facial hair. Oh god. I can't believe I just heard myself say that. D:


Moving forward, since I just finished this series, people continued to recommend more stuff to me. Sitcoms and series they believed I would like. It's not that I appreciate it all but... ugh... my list! Just when I thought that I cleared a chunk of it, considering that the last season just finished and most of the anime I'm watching are done; here we are again with a brand new list. This time with more real people series!

Honestly, I could only watch a handful of real people series. As much as I love them and their stories are cool, I just could not keep up with all that. And also, there's the factor that real people bore me. So for now I'll just continue to take note of their recommendations and sweep them all under the rug until I find time to pick up at least one episode of it.

But hey, I don't mind being this obsessed again just as long as he will suddenly turn out to become Star Lord by the end of the series XD

Heartbeats

So I've been writing originals again and I finally get to upload the first chapter of Heartbeats! Yay.

It's a story based from a dream I had around 4 years ago. Back then the dream was fairly simple and straight to the point... like 3 pages or something...  but somehow I've developed the characters and the setting even more and that short dream turned into a long story.

I already have the whole thing floating in my head so I just have to write and refine it. It's nice to write about characters of my own, since I've been writing and thinking about fanfics for quite a while now.

So there... hopefully I improved from the last original story I posted on wattpad and hopefully I can stick to my "I upload every Thursday" rule. 

---

Sasha has a strong heart, a single heart that gives off a wonderful beating sound. However, her heart beats not for her but for the people she cares about.
    
    Her heart beats for the guy she likes; a guy who can stand being around her and will readily give a smile to her when she herself can not. 
    
    Her heart beats for the man she admires; the man she believes in with every inch of her existence. She would go to hell and back for him with just a single word.
    
    But most important of all, her heart beats for her brother. The brother she was born to care for. She will do anything to protect him and to make sure that he will be a stronger person. 
    
    The world may be a very dangerous place, but Sasha is determined to do everything just to keep those hearts beating… 
    
    ...even if means stealing other people’s heartbeats or even if it means giving up her own.

>Start reading

I walked home from Mega today... it feels like shit

We were there. I was there. I WAS FUCKING THERE!
I was in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by people who were blinded by their faith and hypnotized by the strong and soothing (at medyo mangiyak ngiyak pa) voices of their leaders. They clung to their every word. They stayed in the streets; sleeping on the road and letting even their children get wet and hungry.

It was very repulsing, even more disgusting than the stench of pee and odor of the people around me.

We just wanted to go home. We just wanted to go back to our dry and comfy home. But you assholes blocked the roads, pushed me around, shouted in my ear, littered the already dirty EDSA, and made my short walk home feel like shit.

The whole time I was just thinking of our goal. Onti na lang makakauwi na kami. I tried my best not to voice my opinion and to not physically attack anyone. I am quite proud of my patience. It was such a feat. Because I swear, I was so angry with all the stupidity and foolishness.

Respect? Bullshit!

Hindi niyo nga nirespeto yung mga tao na nakatira sa paligid at higit sa lahat minura niyo na rin lahat ng mga tao na gumagamit ng EDSA. Hindi ko gustong respetuhin ang mga bobong tulad niyo.
Hindi ako naniniwala sa mga paniniwala niyo pero kaya kong tumahimik tungkol doon at hayaan kayo na mabuhay sa panaginip na yan, pero ngayon nakakaagrabyado na kayo.
That's all you.
That's not god or whoever anymore. Being there was all your decision.
So I will not respect you because what you did was awful.

I hate you. You are wrong.

Wala kayong pakialam sa kapakanan namin mas lalong wala akong pakialam sa inyo.

Kahit may nakikita akong mga taong natutulog sa kalsada, mga taong mukhang pagod at gutom, at mga basa sa ulan. Hindi ako nakaramdam ng awa. Siguro naawa ako sa mga walang alam na bata dahil nakaladkad lang sila doon ng mga magulang nila. Pero nagagalit ako sa lahat ng mga may-isip na, kahit pa sa mga matatanda, dahil ginusto nila yan kaya mabuti at magdusa sila.

Gusto ko pa nga makaramdam pa sila ng mas malalang bagay hanggang sa matauhan sila at mapaisip na hindi naman tama ang ginagawa nila. Gusto ko silang mag-isip at hindi maging tanga-tangang sumusunod sa kung ano lang ang sabihin ng mga pinuno nila. Gusto ko lang talaga silang umuwi.

Kung ayaw niyo respetuhin at sundin ang mga batas na namamahala sa bansang ito e di lumayas kayo!
Hindi namin kayo kailangan at mas lalong hindi namin gusto kayong makasama.

Separate yourself completely from our country please. We would love it if you go away.

In the end, I made it back home safely. But up until now, I still want to skin alive and torture each and every single person there.
I wonder if Abalos would give me a permit for that if I can secure millions of votes for him. I bet he will.

Slowly but surely 3 months had passed

The last few days were more than just distractions; I am actually having fun. 

Slowly but surely, I am enjoying myself. Slowly but surely, the dreams and nightmares about him decrease. Slowly but surely, I don't cry myself to sleep anymore.

I may never recover. I may never move on. But at least I'm more than functioning. I can feel again without having to cry because he isn't there to share these feelings with me. I can genuinely be happy without having to revert back to those painful emptiness again. I can express appropriate emotions to whatever anime I'm watching or stuff I'm reading without having to pull back to myself again and realize how lonely I am. 

I noticed how wild these emotions are now that I have no buffer. I easily snap now and about to explode. I'm still working on that. I will overcome that... slowly but surely. 

I am still unable to read that much manga because reading manga was 'his thing' for a long long time. It still leaves me with a bittersweet ache in my heart whenever I think that "he could be reading the same thing but I bet he's not thinking about how I would react to this" 

It's true that there are so many things around me that I associate with him. He was my life for nine years so that is only natural. But if I would be bitter or sad about I would have nothing left for me. I would learn to accept all these associations. I won't even think about him. 

slowly... surely...