One day more

Bye bye 2011.. you shall be remembered well

2011-12-31T02:21:00.000-08:00

In a few hours 2011 will finallyend but I will never forget all the things this year had brought me.

I met a lot of interesting people, some ofthem even left a deep impression on me which I would never forget. I admit thatI don’t agree to some of them and I know that I won’t see some of the people Imet but I enjoyed meeting them, knowing them and being with them. I wish Icould know them better next year.

I also learned so many thingsthis year, which can help me continue on with my life. I had my share of badexperiences and good ones. I had a lot of major and minor problems this year.Some of those problems made me rethink my life again and again. There are timeswhere I just don’t know where I had gone wrong but since I’m still alive andhappy I know it all ended well. So now, I can look back and laugh at thosestupid times and harvest the things I learned from that. I cried, I laughed butmost of all I learned.

I do not regret anything I didthis year for it had let me to these experiences and if I didn’t make at leastone of those decisions then my whole 2011 might have been entirely different.

So, thank you 2011! I hope you exceed my expectations 2012!

I'm practicing a song - Invisible

2011-11-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

My laptop got stolen a few days ago among with other things inside our apartment. I won't re-tell that story because I felt that I told it to my friends so many times already...

Anyway, because of that I am now very bored. All my files are gone and all the unifinished video and audio projects will have to be postponed until I get my hands on another laptop or PC I can work those with. I plan to use my PC at home but I won't be coming home until December. So all my plans would have to wait...

So I'm bored and this was done out of boredom: (I also think it's about time to post something new here)

Click here to listen to the post.

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About the song

[Title] Invisible
[originally sang by] Leah
[From] Eden of the East: King of Eden

UP AME 2011

2011-11-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

Just posting UP AME 2011 pics!

well you could tell from the pics that it was fun~

Next year uli!

The new certain me

2011-11-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

Tothat certain you somewhere out there,

Hey,I did it. I managed to experience the same thing you felt. I finally managed tostep into the world you belonged to when I met you back then. I finally managedto be the one at the center of the stage, the one that people watched. Ifinally achieved something I only dreamt of doing. The same thing I saw youdoing. Although I’m sure it wasn’t the same thing. I’m sure that if it was youthen you won’t be blinded by the bright lights. I’m sure that if it was youthen you won’t shake like I did. I’m sure you would be calm. I’m sure that youwon’t be amazed by your own shadow or your own reflection. I’m sure you wouldbe more focused. I’m sure you would know what you are doing when you are doingit.

Yes,of course, it would be different.

Butyou know what… I’m happy it was different. I have my experiences and you haveyours. I don’t know anything about your experiences and because of that I canbe proud of mine. I don’t know everything you felt and in that case I cantreasure all the things I felt.

Itwas exhilarating. Until now, when weeks had passed, I can still remember itlike it happened just a moment ago. I danced, I sang and I acted. I wasn’tafraid and I had so much fun. I didn’t care what people would think of me. Ididn’t care about the problems I was experiencing that time. I casted offeverything that I normally am and became a totally different person. I didn’t even care to listen to the audience’sclap or cheering the whole time. During that time, I didn’t perform to pleaseeveryone else.

Idid it for me.

Backthen, I just wanted to do my best… and I think I did. I think that was my best.Maybe in some other time, when I would be fortunate enough to be given a secondchance, then I would perform even better than my best.

So willI stop? Of course not. I have felt how fun it is and how hard it is, so if Godwill give me another shot at it then I will go for it!

However,I will not forget that you had been an inspiration for me. The desire to be apart of that world even burned greater because of you. I will never forget thatday when I watched you on stage and cried on the way home. For that singleinstance, I thank you. You may not know me but I’m forever thankful.

Hopingyou are still performing until now,

The certainme.

Reasons why I like working at night.

2011-05-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do work at night but that doesn't automatically makes me a call center agent. Seriously, I do not like talking to random angry people on the phone. hehe.

If you would read everything here you will soon notice how unsociable I sound. I am not really friendly. I am just nice but not friendly "feeling close" type. That is why I really love my friends because (I think) they can understand me even when I'm like this :P That made me cherish them even more.

Anyway, moving on to the main point of this blog. Here are my reasons why I like working at night:

1. Because there's no sun. Since it's nighttime of course, I won't get burned by the sun and thus, my skin won't darken. I go out of the office around 6-7 AM and even if I do see the sun in the morning when I go home, it is still not as bright as it is during 12pm where people usually go out for lunch. XD

2. Because of reason #1 I can wear black clothes or long-sleeves. I studied in UP, Los Baños and during the entirety of my stay I noticed that my dark colored clothes usually stayed at the back of the closet. I barely wear them. Also, I don't have any shirt that has sleeves longer than my elbow. Now, since there's no sun to worry about I can wear them freely.

Now you may say that "but you can still wear them even if you're in the dayshift since the office is air-conditioned anyway and the sun won't get you once inside." Yes. But since I don't have a car (I don't even want to learn how to drive) I have to commute. Just thinking about wearing longsleeves while inside the MRT or jeepney or even while walking to the office is already making me uncomfortable. So no.

3. Transportation is faster. I usually go out of the house around 8:30 PM. By this time traffic is already moderate. I don't know why, but traffic is lighter during that time compared to going out at 7:00 PM. If there's a reason I can think of it may be "rush hour is over"? But I really am not sure. I live 30 minutes away from the office so I don't pass by the main roads like EDSA or something... but I'm taking this events into consideration: if I go to the office around 7:00PM I get there in 35-45 minutes. If I go out at 8:30 beyond it would just be around 30 minutes or less. Of course other factors should be taken into consideration like when the jeepney driver wanted to wait for passengers etc. This is also the same when I'm going home from the office. There aren't much cars before 7 AM so getting home is a breeze.

4. Avoiding social stuff. Yes, it is sad that all of my friends are going to see this movie one Friday night and I still can't go because I have work until Saturday morning but I try to be positive by thinking this way: at least I avoided spending money. So by avoiding these night-outs especially the ones held on a Friday night I get to save money to spend on other stuff like food I want to eat or cosplay. Yey! \^o^/

5. It's quiet. It's nighttime so there's less people in the office. Solitude and less pressure. :P

6. Everyone's sleeping. So there's no one that would bug me while I'm working. There're less distractions at night. No one is going to talk to me in Facebook (except for my friends on the other side of the globe but they aren't that many) or send me texts. Because more than half of my friends are sleeping, I will never be tempted to check their status every five minutes since it would be the same the whole night long. Same concept with twitter or plurk. Because of this I can focus on working and get the job done at once so I could distract yourself with other things like reading manga, watching anime and/or sleeping. Also since they aren't updating at all I can read everything they had written for the whole day. Yes it would be less interactive but I imagine how happy my friend will be to see me reply to everything s/he posted. I have all the time in the world anyway... well as soon as I get my task done. I was paid to work not to talk to my friends anyway. =_=

7. "You would know who really cares. They are the ones who would stay all night or most of it just to be there for you." LOL. Just adding this here.

8. Sunday night... everyone is sleeping early for work EXCEPT FOR ME.

9. Monday morning... I see people rushing to go to work while I lie down on my bed with a smile.

10. It's dangerous outside since it's dark and because of that I have all the right to bring around self-defense things... taser, balisong, pepper spray, cutter, knife... sword, crossbow, whip, axe, nunchucks ... sweet. *evil grin*

I know there are more disadvantages but I don't want to write about that. :T I also know that there are more advantages and these reasons are quite simple but I am not thinking of those right now that's why they aren't here. :P

Ozine 2011 and other things

2011-04-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

Yup I went to a convention called Ozine 2011 after a long time that I haven't been into any conventions before I've been so busy with work but thank goodness that I still have time to enjoy things like this.

I haven't written in this blog for the longest time because of the same reason. I only have internet at the office and I can't really write my blog while in there... right? I guess I can... but that would just be irresponsible.

Anyway here are pictures from Ozine 2011

To know the masked person that occasionally pops up in the pictures click here. Somehow even if he's my only companion attending this convention I was still happy. Uhh... I'm always happy when I'm with him. Hahaha. I should shut up now. ^_________^

Anyway, I'm also attending classes this summer... what kind of classes? I'll post it some day... hehehe...

I also bought a second-hand phone because my old phone is really starting to bug me. No one can call me properly on that phone and most of the time it shows me a white screen... how could I contact anyone with that? So there... new phone... and it's purple... and I'm very happy about it.

Well that's all for now. I want to blog about something else but I want to sleep now... so I guess next time will do.

This weekend...

2011-02-20T08:38:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went to LB. I was supposed to go to Komikstrip but I didn't wake up early so I missed everything... yup... everything... I didn't even go inside.

Well somehow I was thankful for not going inside. I might "accidentally" buy things like manga or comics. I can't really spend so much right now since I have to buy a bag and I think there's something else I need to save my money for.

So I met up with friends and we decided to do something else. I also got a copy of our game. It looks awesome hahaha. I'm not being biased but considering how short the time we had to do it, it was pretty cool to actually make something like this. The stories they had told me about the people who tried our game were all funny. They didn't even realized that the character they were playing was a girl. Maybe putting 'What a beautiful day... and I'm a girl.' should be done in the beginning of the game. Just to make things clear before they can proceed. Hahaha. But of course I'm not serious about this. I think... XD

Anyway, I really wished I can go to Feb fair though... I somehow want to buy something like this...

It's cute. It's comfortable. It's warm on my head... and it's a wolf hat! I just wish that I would find where I can buy these things. I want a wolf on my head as well... without killing any animals.

So as usual... we sang. It was the usual karaoke place that we always go to if we want to sing Japanese songs. I really think this is becoming a habit of mine. I truly enjoy singing with my friends. Even if we can't read Japanese (well kanji to be exact), or we are not hitting the right notes we still keep on singing... it's just pure fun!

Compulsory valentines post

2011-02-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I remember posting in this same blog almost on the same day with nothing but hate and pain inside my heart.

I do believe that back then I would never even think that this day would come. I celebrated Valentines with nothing but joy inside my heart. Although it's funny since I celebrated Valentines with the same person from the earlier post... so I wonder... what changed?

Have I learned my lesson now that I shouldn't be expecting too much? Had he learned his lesson that he should appreciate me more? Did I be more contented in what I have? Are we more mature now?

I would never know the answer to these things but... who cares? As long as I am happy now and not crying my heart out then it should be good. That's what really matters anyway, right?

So just to fill up space... because I haven't written in this blog for more than a month... I would write a general Valentines thingy based purely on my opinion and from what I've learned in life

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Imagine this situation...
You go inside a restaurant you've never been in. The menu overhead looks delicious but you've heard many bad things (as well as good things) about the food in that place. You're in a dilemma... shall you try eating there or not?

Tried but everything was bad
You tried the food there but it was just not good... mediocre would not even describe the food you've eaten. You wasted your money and your time for eating there . You even got sick because the food was just bad.

Didn't order anything and left
You left. You will never know how good or bad the food was. You turn around and leave because you are afraid to explore things you didn't know about. So until now you would wonder what would have happened if you take the risk...

Okay... somehow I tried to connect the situation with love. If you can see the connection already then you're thinking the same way I do... if you don't.. well try to understand what I'm saying here. Please.

Love can only be understood once you actually felt it. Seeing it in movies, reading it in books or just knowing about it from different mediums will never cut it. It might give you the feeling of what you want to have but can never tell you what you will really have once you're in that situation. Sometimes the things you know about love based on those mediums may look like the real thing but somehow it would not be exactly the same. For one... the person you love might now be a vampire *rolls eyes*.

It's the same as how food looks so delicious in commercials or how everything seems perfect in TV: the cheese melts perfectly, the toothpaste have that twirl in the end, everyone loves burgers... well it may have similar resemblance in real life but once you're there you would know the difference.

So you've seen the commercial, heard good and bad stories from people who've experienced it and have known all about it... but would that be enough for you to try it and once you try it would you enjoy the feeling or would you have a bad stomachache.. or in terms of love, a broken heart.

You could just turn around and forever ask yourself a lot of "what if it was like this" or "what if it was like that".

You could also try it and in the end cry under the pouring cold water from your shower, curse the day you knew the person and be bitter about love...

or you could be the third one

Tried it... and just be happy
There is no such thing as "happily ever after" in eating in some restaurant or fast food... you would just enjoy the food while you're consuming it. Just be happy that you're there with your hunger satiated. You will come back for more or try the new things that will be presented to you. You may not like the other things on the menu or may be sad that some of the items you've loved will be gone.

But that's just the way life is. That's just how restaurants are... and more importantly that's just how people are. Nothing is constant so try to appreciate them while they are still there. You would never know when the place will close down or when your loved one will be taken from this life.

uhm... I don't know what to say anymore so I guess this will be my last paragraph. Don't be afraid to step inside and try it. Be it love or a new restaurant. Who knows... you might actually like it and you might even grow old with it and I'm speaking for both your loved one and the restaurant.

hehehehe

Christmas 2010

2010-12-26T03:09:00.000-08:00

December 26… yup it’s time for a Christmas blog post! I think it’s required or something. Moving on…

As I grow older I feel that my material gifts keeps on decreasing. This Christmas I received only one gift from my friend but aside from that I have no other gifts from my friends. I also received money from my parents but I haven’t used it to buy anything yet and due to circumstances I can’t really use it to buy the thing I want to buy. I also received gifts from work and I’m so thankful that they added me to their list even if I’m still new. *tears of joy* Plus my mother finally bought me a hula-hoop. (\^o^/)

But it wasn’t like this when I was younger. Let’s say 10 years ago I eagerly woke up every December 25 so that I could use my new purse/bag and go around the neighbourhood. My ninang/ninong just lived nearby back then so I can easily pester them every Christmas. I used to come with my brother as well so even my brother’s godparents give me gifts too. I always get a lot every Christmas… toys, money, and school stuff. I always enjoyed receiving stationary and writing materials for some reason even more than toys. The point is I never ran out of gifts and I remember my hands would get tired from tearing those Christmas wrappers.

But now everything is different.

I think people are getting poorer or maybe I’m just getting older or maybe I am getting more contented.

I suddenly stopped wishing from anything from anyone. “It’s better to give than to receive”. I started believing in that quote quite strongly than ever before. Sometimes even if they don’t give me any material things just a simple “Merry Christmas” out of their busy schedule would suffice. I know that they can’t give anything else so I am grateful to have received something from them at all. Yup, I guess I got older. Only old people would think of things like this.

But seriously there was only one gift that I was waiting for this Christmas… sadly I didn’t get it. Oh well.

Moving on… even if I didn’t get more presents and that certain gift I guess I was happy this Christmas. There is no such thing as the perfect way to spend Christmas… how you spend your Christmas Eve is surely your best way of celebrating Christmas. My brother and I watched One Piece episodes and Invader Zim (Hooray for Zim Marathon!) on Christmas Eve while eating our humble feast. That was very enjoyable and I think it’s the best way we could spend our Christmas.

So there is my Christmas post… there’s something else I would be posting but I’m too lazy to post that for now…

Anyway

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Going home alone

2010-10-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

I am used to it so I don’t really care. There are times though that I enjoy going home more than when I am with someone. I can walk at my own pace. I can listen to music and ignore everything around me. I can even have a mental conversation with myself… although the last one was not recommended.

Since I am alone I can take my time in enjoying stuff like this. I am often distracted too but I just don't wander off when I'm with someone. I don't want the person I am with to feel burdened because of my habits.

But I would love to walk home with someone, I want to have someone to talk with. It’s not healthy to talk to myself so at least I want someone to talk to or share things with. It gets lonely especially when I'm walking or when something would remind me of my friends or when I see other people with friends or special someones.

Also, eating isn't the same when I don't have anyone to talk to or share the food with. It's not really lonely but somehow it's not fun. I sometimes think of fun or interesting stuff while eating... but since I'm alone I can't laugh about it. That really sucks.

But seriously, I don't care about it anymore... I laugh and have a conversation with myself. Just mentally, of course, since I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy. I like to think that I'm having a date with myself. The thought seemed to be working for me. I don't feel a little bit lonely.

Some things...

2010-10-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

Looking back…

Sometimes after accomplishing something a person will look back at the days of anxiety and endless nights of caffeine just to laugh at the experience. It feels good. However, in my case even if I’m in the middle of those days I already look forward to that certain day of recollection. “Someday, I’ll look back on this day and laugh about it.” That’s one of the ways on how I motivate myself. I always look forward to that tomorrow where everything should be ok.

Anyway, I finished it. The SP I worked on for many months… I’ve finished it. I never thought that it would be near perfect but it somehow exceeded my expectations. There were many wrong moves and mistakes in the past but I don’t like regretting them. I think of them as very important factors that brought me to where I am now.

I am looking back at those days and nights.

I am laughing. I do feel good.

Being in LB

I always like being in LB. That place gives me some sense of freedom. Ewan. Even though half of me feel embarrassed staying in other people’s houses, the other half can sleep soundly without even thinking about such embarrassment. I like being with friends and that’s for sure. They never let me feel loneliness. I am so grateful for having friends like those.

I like LB. But I know that Elbi now is not my home anymore. My time had passed. I know LB had always welcomed me but those welcoming smiles would decrease every year and someday there won’t be a familiar smile anymore. I’ll become just another stranger in a place I once called my home.

There are still left though but even with all that I still felt like it’s not my home anymore. I know exactly what or rather who is missing.

The main reason why I feel contented in LB just wasn’t there anymore. This made a lot of difference. This made the whole place unfamiliar to me.

Although I know it’s already too much to ask but I wanted him to be with me as well. If we could walk the same street, road or grass we used to walk on then maybe I could feel like I’m 2 or 4 years back in time again. Maybe I could also recall what it felt like to be home in LB again.

SOMA cum laude 2010 video

2010-08-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

I'm always proud of my videos... I treat them like my babies or something... I just love making videos and will find any excuse to make one.

If I add all the time I spent in making this video it would take one day. This one is very special because the video clips were really behaved while I was making it. The clips were cooperating with me and so was my laptop. In the end I can't help but watch it again and again and again...

This one I made to promote SOMA's activity (note: any form of excuse) I wasn't required to make a video but I volunteered myself just for the pleasure of making a video.

Trivia about this video:
1. Even though R2 was also covered by the quiz contest. I had no idea that it was included so there are no r2 clips found here.
2. I actually used the trailer for code geass episode 24-25 on the video. I just placed it there and the timing and emotion I was aiming for was there. I was too amazed to even think it was accidental.
3. The code geass clips doesn't have subtitles... since I used the English dub version. The only voice I like in the English dub of Code Geass was Cornelia... No one would ever be able to defeat Jun Fukuyama as Lelouch.
4. I got lazy on that part where the videos were zooming out. Even my brother knew I could've at least cleaned that part...
5. I edited O Fortuna since it was so long and because the volume levels of the silent part and the loud parts were so significantly different that it is annoying.

as you can see I enjoyed myself. Whatever the outcome of this video I was happy.

I want to draw!!

2010-08-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

I was scanning around fanarts when I suddenly realized that I want to draw again. I know it's easy to draw but I can't even submit my drawings to DA or something... I can scan my drawings but they're not "clean" enough for me. Even after scanning it I want to erase some traces of paper... color over the other parts... you know photoshop things. My real problem is that I just can't do it properly on a mouse. I want a tablet so bad... T_T after I get done with this SP I swear I'll demand a tablet from my parents and draw until my creative juices run dry!

Anyway just recently I lost my voice and surely I got my voice back again. I always think that every time I lose my voice the moment it comes back it would be better and more beautiful... you know... like when you're body building... you strain your muscles to get better muscles. I just think it works like that.

Well I lost my voice because of this song

Note to self again: DON'T EVER TRY TO SING LIKE Nodoame. Seriously I can pull off this song without hurting my throat but somehow Nodoame's version influenced me a lot and thus the lost of voice.

and the moment my voice started to come back (like after a week or so...) I started recording this song and finally uploaded it on youtube.

as far as my SP is concerned... well... don't want to talk about it.

One Piece: One day

2010-07-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

So this is the new Opening song for One Piece. It's okay I guess... better than the Impel Down - Kaze wo Sagashite combination last time. It's just that it's a bit sad for a war arc. The animation was good and each major player in the arc had well-deserved screen time each showing off their powers. No big spoilers though *ehem*Sabo*ehem*Ace'smagmahole* so I'm quite sure that it's a good opening song for the anime-viewers only.

Watching Eclipse

2010-07-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

My sister and I watched Twilight saga: Eclipse this Saturday with Jam. I never thought Jam would come all the way to SM Fairview to watch it with me. Jam's place was very far from SM Fairview. I was glad she could watch it with me. I've watched the first two movies with her... it sort of become a tradition of ours. ^______________^

Anyway the movie was great. I've read the book and of course I noticed some differences from the original material but it was alright. I mean... I was expecting it to be different at some point because the theater of my mind is totally different from the big screen.

I had so much fun fangirling with them. Eclipse was really cool. Carlisle, Jasper and Alice, Jacob (lalo na mga hirit niya), jealous Edward... It's really better than Twilight and New moon combined. Eclipse is my favorite book among the four and now I think it's my favorite movie among the Twilight saga.

Toycon2010

2010-06-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

Went to Toycon2010 yesterday. Although I was expecting it, the number of people still astounded me. I still enjoy going to conventions.

Somehow even if there are some people around me who were losing interest in things like these, I still managed to be the same. I don't know when this kind of fascination will fade.

Right... back to Toycon.

I am frustrated since somehow I don't feel like I completed my trip to Toycon this year. The number of pictures I've taken were too few. There were some cosplayers whom I wanted to take pictures with but I didn't have any chance. There were also so many toys and stuff I wanted to buy but somehow I don't have any money for it.

Yes like this fine figure here...

Oh well ever since ever I always knew that buying stuff isn't the reason why I go to Toycon. I enjoy just looking at the things that I know I would never have.

I bought myself a keychain though... just a simple reminder that this year's toycon wasn't a dream.

Next year... I hope that somehow next year I wouldn't have to keep myself from buying the things I want.

Well I plan to cosplay next year... but then again all these are just plans...

I'll have to wait what will happen until it actually happens.

Going out on Thursday

2010-06-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

There was one time when I woke up early in the morning and everyone was just being noisy around the house... at that point I suddenly wished I was back at LB. That’s when I decided on this: if I ever graduate I would try to get a job that is far from home so that I could live somewhere else again. I love my family but if you’re with them most of the time I feel like I'm suffocating. I try my best to please everyone most of the times. They can’t understand the things I do and don’t do, the decisions I make and don’t make… since they’re my family I often just give up and let them be even if it annoys me. I don’t want that kind of life. Ever since college I had realized that my life isn’t about anyone else but me. I should be the one making the final decisions. I should be the one who will take the step.

I know my limits and the reality that I am still a student that’s why I don’t pretend that I can live without my parents unlike some other teenagers or people similar my age. I know very well that I cannot live on my own right now, that’s why I just let my mother do what she wants with my life but as soon as I can live on my own I would surely break away from here.

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Anyway, last Thursday (June 10) my friend and I went out since she wanted to go to church. I happily went with her. I missed her and I would rather go out and hurt my feet from walking than to stay inside the house and hurt my butt from sitting.

We decided to meet in Megamall but since my friend was exploring another route I arrived at our meeting place earlier than her. So I went with a date with myself. I went to some toy stores and gift shops. Somehow at that moment I hoped that I already have a job. There’re so many things I want to buy for myself and for other people too bad that I don’t have any extra money with me.

When she finally arrived we had lunch and went to church by walking there. It was a long walk and I was thankful that I wore flats that day. We stayed there for a while praying silently. I prayed about lots of things that at some point it seems like I’m talking casually rather than praying. I haven’t done this for a while. My heart felt lighter and at ease after that.

I wonder if you know where we went

We then stayed at a bookstore for a while just reading on the floor.

Inside the mall...

My friend never rode on an MRT before and that was her first time. I was just glad I was with her. I remembered my first time riding the MRT. It was very exciting.

We then went to Trinoma. Since our other friends were not there yet, we went around the mall. I bought myself some USB-powered light. I was really planning to buy one. We also went to Comic Alley where I found this cute Len plushie. I wanted to buy it so bad. I was holding on to it the whole time we were inside the store. I almost imagined that it was mine.

Isn't he adorable?

But alas, I don’t have enough money so I had to leave it there. GOODBYE LEN!

Len Kagamine... soon you'll be mine

After that was karaoke. Because of the rain they were late. I was really worried about the time because I needed to go back home.

Although it annoys me to no end, I just had to go home before everyone. We just had dinner and they send me home.

Afterwards I learned that they went to another place to drink after I left. Even though I was a little envious I still stopped myself from reacting childishly. I believe that next time I would be with them until we all go home. Stupid curfew. Someday… I won’t have one anymore! Yeah!

1+4=6

2010-06-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

Finally the Den Den Mushi (Snail phone) is complete. It’s a very nice little project since we could still use the phone afterwards. At first, I thought my brother only wanted to make a Den den mushi for display but when I saw the phone parts scattered inside our room I knew this is going to be an interesting project.

But of course the den den mushi isn’t as perfect as it should be. This was handmade and it was pretty obvious from the appearance alone. It also doesn’t make the den den mushi ringing sound which upsets us so much. Finally, the voice form the other line doesn’t come out from the den den mushi’s mouth. But even with these faults it was still awesome (well at least for us). COME ON IT’S A WORKING DEN DEN MUSHI! ß One Piece fan.

Anyway here’re the things we used to make this:

Phone parts – make sure that phone was working before and will still work after you acquire the parts.

Cutting stuff – scissors, cutter, knife even a small saw were used

Paper – you need lots that’s why we used that old telephone directory

Carton – something harder than paper to provide the base for the shape.

Sticky stuff – to stick the paper together. Gawgaw (Starch or cornstarch I guess…) + warm water = gooey sticky stuff. But you could use other concoction like glue + water…

Coloring stuff – we used poster color.

We started by making the den den mushi. Of Course we have some sort of plan or rough sketches on how to do it. My brother and I thought of it together… while discussing very significant issues (like the recent chapter of One Piece and conspiracies of the World Government)

By the way here's our plan

We made two halves of the snail where the phone parts would be placed inside. The carton was the foundation for the layers and layers of paper. The snail’s shell was just two circles while the snail itself was a right triangle. We dipped the torn paper on the gooey sticky stuff and stick them on to the carton while making sure that it was still in the right shape as according to plan. It’s like playing with clay… just sticky and made of paper.

Once everything was settled inside we put them together.

Left side part 1

Left side part 2

Right side

The receiver of the phone also had a special casing.

Since the telephone directory provided us the paper we need we can’t paint it with its color at once. The numbers and letters from the paper would be too noticeable. So we had to coat it with white first making sure that no one would be able to tell what paper we used.

white Den den mushi

white receiver

Then after that was my favourite part… we would paint it with the colors we chose. My brother wanted to make a Marine den den mushi, my sister wanted the Strawhat’s den den mushi (she even started making hats). In the end we decided to have our very own version. We didn’t buy anymore paint, instead we made used of what colors we already have around the house.

Colors we have

Painting..

Another angle

what to use for the shell?

Pink and black? hmm ok

painting

Creepy snail

Why so gay?

Finally... after almost a week?

Finished!

In the end is what worth it! We are happy for our creation... well we worked hard... and we were doing this together.

Hmm... how about a Thousand Sunny in a bottle? Hmm...

Tagapaglingkod ng kasamaan and updated website

2010-06-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my Servant of Evil fandub... this is quite special since I really love Len Kagamine... but somehow I still don't know if I like the final outcome or not. I really tried my best in singing and translating this song. I hope it turned out quite favorable.

I think I like fandubbing now even though I know how my voice sucks... I wish I could sing better in the future.

Oh well... I tried and I enjoyed making it. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's eardrums with this song.

Anyway here it is:

---------------------------------------------------------------

I also changed my website's layout since all that pink was getting annoying...

well here it is Randomness - the official website.

Things I want to do

2010-05-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I do things not because I know I'm good at it or because I'm getting paid for it but because I like doing it.

There's just this random idea inside my head waiting to explode and most of the time I can't sleep without thinking about it. Songs. Videos. Drawing. Fanfic. Story... whatever.

That's why I just do it. I am not talented so most of the times the end is uglier than what I had imagined...

I am no good in drawing.

I am not a good singer.

I'm not really a good writer.

I also cannot act well...

but at least that's over. I've let one idea out of my head and for a night I can sleep well.

Well, the most important part was that I enjoyed it. Thinking about it, making it and having the guts to share it. It makes me happy and it lessens stress.

So aside from my SP... I decided to do things on the side

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Finished stuff:

Magnet fandub

Drawing and coloring with watercolor:

Come with me : Trying to remember how to use watercolor.

Deremof : Based on one of my stories (unfinished) I like drawing these characters...

April : One of my favorite characters. Let's just say if I'm Stephenie Meyers he's my Edward.

Cleansing : Based on that story that I have already finished. I love drawing this again and again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

on going stuff:

Den den mushi - an actual phone... I mean it's really working although it doesn't ring the same way and the snail's lips and hands aren't moving. We destroyed our old phone just to get those parts.

Fanfic - it's a One Piece fanfic...

Lost Boy AMV - Kaidan Restaurant ending song using One Piece clips... I even think about it while eating.

Other stories/novels that haven't been updated in ages.

With a DON!

2010-05-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

I didn’t keep fighting in the end. Today is another end and here I am completely helpless and powerless. There was nothing more I can do… or rather there was nothing more that I could push myself to do. As I watched the clock slowly ticking and the time slowly passing, I realized that I don’t feel anything as of now.

If there was one thing I would proudly say: I have no regrets.

I won’t blame anyone basically because there’s nothing to blame about. I won’t even blame myself. Somehow I’ll continue life as it is. I know someone will hate me because of this… my parents perhaps, or the people who believed in me… but if you’re disappointed I ask you this “have you ever thought how I feel about myself?” If there’s someone who has any right to hate me or think low of me it would be me. If you’re not me then I wouldn’t entertain your insults. Come back when I actually care.

“But you could finish it if you just rushed it?” I want to do this with a DON! So no. I am not going to present a crappy and rushed SP. That’s one reason why I don’t have any regrets because I know in myself that I already did what I can.

“I knew you needed help.” I won’t be blaming anyone because first of all no one helped me. I won’t whine about being alone and such… because I chose to do this alone. I will graduate because of my skills. Call it pride or whatever you want but like I said time and again: as long as I know I can still do it I won’t ask for any help. I’ll know when I can’t do it by myself anymore… and that’s the time I’ll ask for help. I know my limits but until then I think I can do this by myself. If you really want to help me you can always give me moral support... maybe cakes or coffee.

Although I am sorry…

I am sincerely apologizing to those who believed in me. I just didn’t finish it. No excuses. No reasons. It was just not finished. And if I may have let you down then I would humbly bow down before you and say “I’m sorry” and smile again. I am very happy that you believed in me and continued to believe until the very end and I am hoping that you’re still going to believe in me. My fight isn’t over yet… so I still need you there. I won’t force you but I would be very grateful if you’d still believe in me. Just being there means the world to me.

Plans? So what now?

I will continue what I am doing. I will finish it. I assure you… I just don’t know how. I will confidently say this sem. But I can always say that since I am still working on it. I also plan to work even without graduating first… as to where I’m going to work. Well, I still don’t know myself. Care to help me?

It is during these times that I wish there’s a maid café in the Philippines. I would like to work there. My greatest dream though is to be a dubber or voice actress but I know I lack the skills.

Oh well… *stretches* I will continue working. My life isn’t over yet so I have to look and push forward. I will finish what I started no matter how long it takes. There’s still more work to do and I’m more than willing to do it.

I smile once more as I look forward to another day.

Nodoame's nico nico medley

2010-05-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

What? I like his version... this is so fun to listen to.

PointFive

2010-05-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

copypasta:

Dasoku, clear, Asamaru, amu, and Micchan are releasing an album under the unit name PointFive(.5). Jack is included as a guest vocalist. The CD is produced by PUPI, with artwork by Akiakane. There are going to be covers of VOCALOID songs, as well as new, original compositions. The only producer I know so far that is participating is Nem (he wrote Scissorhands). Genres include acapella, rock, and ballads, creating an overall tone of "harmony".

Twilight Saga: Eclipse

2010-05-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite book among the four as to why tell you later but first:

We all know that Twilight is a mushy teen romance novel that has vampires in it... and since I'm a fan of cheesy teen romance I like it. But among the four books this one is my favorite.

1. Love Triangles: My favorite part of romance is when the girl is being fought over (being fought over by two handsome men is a big plus). I know it would be frustrating to choose over two good men but somehow every woman secretly wants that to happen to her. (Haba ng hair!)

2. More action: Since they get to have more fight scenes here than the other books. Come on! It's a newborn vampire army so of course there should be more fight scenes and flying body parts. Even though it was not presented properly in the book because it was from Bella's perspective I love to imagine Victoria being ripped apart by Edward...limb by limb... head flying...yeah I know there's something seriously wrong with me.

3. Edward is becoming more and more like the guy I actually want to marry and a guy who would never exist in real life. Bella wants sex. Edward wants marriage. If someone like Edward would tell us to wait because he wants to get married first I would never let go of him. It's love and not just mere lust. I have always dreamed of a guy who is not only after a woman's body but who is after a woman itself. But that just made Edward's existence less probable in real life.

It's this June so I would surely watch it. I've already planned to watch the movie with my younger sister... and I know it would be a great fangirling experience.

"I would fight for you until your heart stops beating."

One Piece: Episode 0

2010-05-07T10:57:00.000-07:00

I just watched One Piece Episode 0 on Youtube... come on it's really awesome~~ but somehow the video was removed.

If I only live in Japan I'll probably be one of those people who had lined up for Strong World but since I live in a country that will never show Strong World I can only cry.

I want to support One Piece to the fullest but what can I do? I'm not earning money yet... oh well.

SP

2010-05-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

I finally had time to change what my blog looks like. I missed posting something here.

I haven't really done anything else nowadays. My day is filled with One Piece and my nights are concentrated on making my SP. I know I can finish it… not sure when though.

Anyway, I was browsing all of my accounts one night then I decided to check on my ongoing fanfics. I really enjoy writing fanfics that’s why seeing it having more than a thousand hits on ff.net made me really happy. I want to continue writing that fanfic but I don’t have the time. SP should be my first priority before anything else.

It’s so easy to be distracted though. Even though I know that I should remain focused there are some people around me who’re causing me problems. It’s quite annoying really. FOCUS. FOCUS. I should not be bothered but I cannot do anything about it.

I wonder if I’d really be able to finish this SP without going insane.

I really want to sleep... a long never-ending sleep...

One Piece

2010-04-03T08:32:00.005-07:00

One Piece?

It inspired me to dream big! Life is a big adventure and everyone has their own "One Piece" to search for. Even if your past is too grim, or even people laughs at your dream or even if there are many obstacles on your way if you keep working hard and do everything for your dream... you're gonna make it happen!

--------------------

If anyone would ask me if One Piece inspired me I'll answer them with a very sure 'Yes... a lot.'

I know that One Piece is fictional but the values and beliefs imparted by some of the characters in the story had made a big deal on my life.

Dreams. Luffy and many other characters had inspired me to dream big that no matter how many laughs at or ridicules your dreams... they are your dreams and by doing something you can make it happen. It is not bad to dream big especially if you're willing to fight or work hard to achieve it. Seriously... this is better than being lazy all this without any goal in life whatsoever.

Nakamas. I know there had been many other stories that teach people about friendship I don't know why but One Piece had the biggest impact on me regarding this issue. Zoro's bond to Luffy is so deep and strong that I hate it when people put malice to it (making it yaoi material and stuff). It is so wonderful to have a big dream an there are people who would support you until the end... it's so beautiful... working to achieve everyone's goal.It is also very heartwarming to know that there are people around to support you and would just be there even in the toughest of times. Sometimes a person would be a hundred times stronger if he or she just acknowledges the fact that he or she is not alone in life. Like me... I have my family and friends whom I would do anything to protect.

Treasure. Something that's greater than money. Like (for Whitebeard) a family or freedom, or companions. I think life is a quest.. a quest to find you're treasure. It may not make you the wealthiest man or woman on earth but it would make you the happiest and most contented.

Smile. Even in the darkest of days, even in the worst situations, even in the face of certain death... a smile can turn anything around. If there is something Luffy inspired me to do... is to smile and just believe.

Even if One Piece is fictional the values and lessons it imparts and the fire it bring to the reader's hearts worldwide are more realistic than anything else in this world.

It's been a long time... time to rant!

2010-03-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while journal. It’s been a while since I wrote here and because of something I decided to write again.

It started with a question inside my head. I never really thought about it for a while with it but I think that thinking about it seemed important.

The question was: why am I doing all these ‘weird’ stuff?

If you know me then you would understand if you don’t then I hope you find this short rambling to be interesting.

I smile whenever I hear that question inside my head. I never really answered it myself until now. However, upon thinking really hard it made me realized how long the explanation for such characteristic.

When I was younger… like 10-16 years old young… I was a very shy girl. I never really spoke whatever it is inside my head. I never really liked talking to anyone. I would rather hide inside my head and talk to myself. I know then that my train of thought is just different from everyone else’s so I never really say anything about what’s going on in my head.

Like I said, I was shy. I never really speak unless necessary and finally I was always afraid.

Although I was shy there was something that I’d really want to achieve. It was something that cannot be achieved especially is one is shy and quiet. No. I don’t want to be famous. Fame is something that’s not even on my list. Rather than being famous, I wanted to be remembered. I doesn’t matter how many or how long but I just want to be remembered by anyone and everyone I’ve met. I want to have a piece of me inside their hearts and minds that whenever they pass me by on the streets they would call my name, or at least wave at me, or at least look at me and say ‘hey I know her…’

Like a game character said, “to be forgotten is worse than death.”

But the problem is I was as shy. The wall would even be more memorable than me. Because I’m too shy and afraid I became too normal. No one really remembers a person who seems like everyone else.

“People remember those kinds of people… the weird ones.” Another person said that to me once. She was talking about a classmate of mine… soon later that certain classmate of mine turned my whole world inside out.

He inspired me at some point and changed me. He didn’t even know what he did. It just happened.

From then on I started to change myself. Little by little, I learned how to speak up. Slowly, the things inside my head were flowing into words. Bit by bit, my true self surfaces.

But alas, I still live in the world of normal people and though I try to pull myself out of this shell chains of the norm entangle me once more and I helplessly go back to being normal again. The persistent mask hiding who I really want to be removes and put on back to me a few times.

So the battle went on. I guess I was confused a lot as to who I am. I lied a lot too. I don’t like lying but I often do it to myself.

Good thing I entered college that time. I had a chance to change who I was. I was planning to change my nickname too but in the end I failed since I’m used to my old nickname.

In the beginning I was still the same me. I hate it. I really thought I missed my chance… but then I met my crazy roommates. Each and every one of them taught me such important lessons about myself. I even think one of them influenced a quarter of who I am now.

But seriously, the one who influenced me a LOT is the same person I love now. It started with a game called corruption. It was an interesting game and I thought that I would win. In the end the game just made me remove the mask. It wasn’t really the game but rather the person. That person tore the chains that bound me as if they were only pieces of paper.

He changed me. Even more than anyone could.

However, the way he changed me was harsh. It wasn’t encouragement or little talks that made me who I am now but rather self-loathing and soul-crushing harshness that whipped me into shape. I hope that person didn’t mean any of those. I love that person… but that’s another story.

Anyway because of that person my thoughts flowed out easily without any trace of hindrance. I guess with those wretched mask and chains out of the way I can say what I think easily.

And thus, I have decided.

But as soon as I decided that it kind of blend into whom I am. I think then I speak. My wild ideas rampaged out and made me who I am now. Somehow I do not have regrets for I know this is how I really am.

There are times when I don’t mean it and then there are times when I intend to do those things. It was all for the sake of not becoming normal. It was all for the sake of being remembered. I smile, I laugh I do all those stuff so that at least a part of me would hold onto your memories.

“Yes. The last time we would be having a conversation we would talk about chest hairs.”

I always wanted to be the only person who they can talk like this and the only person who could talk about stuff like these. I do weird dances whenever I’m stressed out. I enjoy thinking out of the box. I love talking about non-existent things. I am illogical. I am irrational. I am emotional.

So that’s the answer to that question after all these musings. I am like this because I want to be a part of your memory.

However, of course there are people who cannot accept me. I do not hate them though. I accept them for who they are, I respect their views and I acknowledge our differences. I try to blend in as much as I can but I know that I can’t please anyone. I don’t force them to like me. In fact, I don’t expect them to like me at all… maybe I’m just wishing that they would remember me even when I’m part of the other list.

I still have no regrets though. I know that answering that question would further make me question what I do but I have no regrets. I have met wonderful people and it was because of them that I am now writing this and saying all these stuff. I have become who I am and I’m just happy being here.

Don’t like it? Ok then.

Pictures~

2009-08-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

While I was walking I saw this tiny box... somehow I think there's something wrong about it... I just don't know if I'm green-minded or it is just normal.

Now this is hilarious... I saw this while buying a screwdriver...

What sign? I don't see no sign! Haha. Only in the Philippines. ^_^

while waiting...

2009-08-27T00:22:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I last updated. I was really busy these past month and even now I'm still busy.

----
People have different defense mechanism. Some regress, some don't want to remember and some pretend they are strong.

I am terrified of death... seriously I have clung to life and became addicted to it that much that now I am fearing death.

I believe in God but I also think rationally at the same.

Memories, emotions, senses and everything is perceived by the brain. We are who we are because our brain is working. Now imagine death... well your brain dying. Everything would be cut off. No memories, no emotions, no senses no nothing...

It's just a dark thing that would go on forever and you won't even feel forever. Time is something that the brain just made up in the first place. You can't sense anything... you can't even have a you in the first place.

The darkness, the nothingness, death in itself is scary.

Like I said I have became addicted to life that I fear death.

And because of that fear everytime that topic would be involved I act stupidly and childish.
"Health, long-life... life yuck."

I know... it's just a phase. I would finally treasure my life even more once I would have children of my own... however... how could I bear a child with the thought that somehow he or she would die too?

To live is to think that tomorrow you could just die.

It maybe just a phase and I would grow out of it but what they don't see that it is just a defense mechanism in the first place. I don't want to die that's why I am showing them that I don't want to live long.

I know it is weird but what could I do? I can't help myself.

It's scary. Being nothing. It is seriously freaking me out.

Tatak Andrade

2009-07-12T01:07:00.000-07:00

Just another home video.

Point of no return

2009-06-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

I really don't know why I only find out my mistakes only during the point of no return. I really hate it. I really want to be careful all the time and try to think before doing anything but in the end I end up regretting what I'd done.

I really hate it. I hate myself everytime I do stupid things like that.

But hating myself, regretting what I've done etc... really can't help me.

So that's the cue for me to stop wallowing in self pity and start doing something to solve my problem. The problem is clear... I know the solution... now the part I hate the most -waiting time.

>>>>>

I'm going back to LB... although it's not until Sunday but I'm starting to get excited. I want to sleep in my new room and start a new semester. I also have to fix my schedule and make sure to get 10 units, fix my INC status in 2 of my majors and of course fix my life before actually starting a new chapter in my life.

I just hope that I won't screw up. The thing I hate the mst about myself is that the simplest problems are only in front of my face waiting to bite me but I just don't see it...

so I screw up... and the problem became bigger because I'm in the point of no return.

For him... and only him...

2009-06-01T05:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to hate him. They say that I don't need a friend like that. He doesn't know me anymore and I don't know him. I now it was just a poor choice of words and he just overestimated me. I know he was just joking but I can't stop myself from hurting. Harsh words are still harsh and it could mean differently from one person to another.

Seriously I've already forgiven him from all the things he'd done to me... maybe because his littel acts of kindness towards me are those acts of kindness that I truly missed. I could never forget everything he'd done to me up until now. If you could be less perveted then I could have already fallen in love with him... again. But I know him too well to even think about having those feelings for him. 7 years.

We drifted too far away from each other that when we met once more it was different. I was too selfish to even think that he would not change. Now I know him better and even though I had a hard time... I was happy.

He overestimated me because he doesn't know the person I am now he overestimated me. Because I changed a lot from the way I was before... I was a big disappointment. I changed and I disappointed him because of it.

And yet even though he hated me that day... he still never left me. Right then and there I wanted to go back to the person I was four years ago to the person he almost loved. But I guess once you move forward there is no turning back.

I'm really realy grateful for everything. I was selfish, irrational, stupid and childish ... and yet he never left me. I am really grateful and yet I still can't say "thank you". I wanted to thank him and yet I can't say it.

I'm totally inefficient... useless...

so don't you ever look at me like that again. Demmet! I'm worthless!

Another thought

2009-05-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

>>>I don't know why I am so frustrated about it. I mean he is JUST my highschool classmate and I should accept the fact that his world and mine are two different things now.

But there's always that something inside me that would tell me that accepting those things are wrong.

If he goes on like this then I would surely miss him. I don't know exactly what he is for me. Aside from being an old friend I know that there is something more. He is not my lover, and I am sure of that for I am now in love with someone else. But definitely he is more than a friend for me and a proof of that is I don't want him to get romantically involved with another girl.
I know that I am being selfish but I can't help it. Everytime I think about the consequences of this petty fight I tend to cry. I don't want to lose him. I adore him for he is my friend. I hate it when I don't hear his voice over the telephone. I hate it whenever he tells me that he doesn't want me to come over to their house. I hate it whenever I feel that I am nothing more but a highschool friend.

But most of all, I hate myself. Once more I am hating myself because of a boy... but the funny part about it is that he is just another highschool classmate of mine... well the most special highschool classmate of mine. If I could only love him again like I used to when we were younger then I would surely try to be his girlfriend... but I can't because I don't love him like that. Do not be mistaken. I don't love him to the extent that I would be his girlfriend. All I want is for our relationship to stay they were before... like we were in highschool.

I abhor the fact that I only noticed this now. He is one of the reason why I want to go home. He is also one of the reason why I never forget who I was back when I was in highschool. He is one of the reason why I study well.

Because once upon a time he was also one of the many reasons why I can smile in the midst of the emotional turmoil I am experiencing. He is one of the reasons why I don't want to give up on life.

And I hope that I would never lose him... ever... no matter how far the road of life would take me.

Isa kaming barkada. Magkakaibigan kami. Pag kailangan namin ang isa't-isa andyan lang kami sa tabi-tabi. Masaya kami kapag magksama kami kahit na ba may mga sarili nang nobyo o nobya ang isa't-isa hindi pa rin kami nawawalan ng oras para sa kaibigan namin.

>>>>

The world only they know...

2009-05-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

When I was young whenever someone teases me my parents would say: “Wag mo nang pansinin sinabi nila.” So I tried to apply that lesson in life and it made me more confident in one or two ways.

But I had noticed that as you grow old you forget this lesson especially if you’re famous. Being famous makes people conscious of what other people are saying to them. You have to make sure of your every move... if your blog is still under construction then better if you don’t post it... or else your viewers might lose their interest of you or something like that – in the end I didn’t really understand.

Actors had it even worse because they can’t even be at ease wherever they go... sometimes even if they are at home.

Because they don’t have any sense of private life anymore the people around them even forget that they are humans too. Sometimes I even think they don’t go to the bathroom anymore. The image they project seemed so perfect that even if it is ruined a little bit their whole being is already destroyed.

The law is even more helpful to these celebrities... if a writer or commentator would say bad things about a certain actor then the actor could sue the writer and if he wins he gets richer. I don’t really understand the grounds for libel but as far as I am concerned it’s like that. Why can’t little children do that? If they are being teased by a bully why can’t they sue the bully libel or something similar to that? Oh well I think libel is only applied when printing malicious and false information about a person... so I have to wait until the bully writes whatever he is teasing? Ok... then could I sue him?

I don’t know if I’m still young or just naive or just stupid... because I don’t really want to care about what other people are saying about me. I know it might hurt once I hear them but after that what could I do? If I know for myself that it isn’t true why would I react violently? I was always told back then that if I react to teasing then it just means that what they are saying are all true. So if you know that they’re just teasing then you should just ignore what they are saying... that’s the mature way to act as what I was told about.

Since ignoring false accusations is the mature way then does it mean that those people aren’t mature? Oh well maturity doesn’t really come with aging anyway.

After another random article which is totally incoherent once more... (I swear hindi ako papasa sa ENG2 sa essay na ganito) I part with these words:

Ano? Sinabihan ka nila na meron kang sex video scandal?! Huwag kang maniwala sa kanila hindi totoo yon.

That’s all.

PS: I hate Hayden Kho and all men who are like him... stupid, backstabbing, blackmailing, disgusting and lowly men. Reacting violently? Guilty.

Summer... OJT blues

2009-05-08T00:46:00.001-07:00

I am starting my on-the-job training (OJT) this summer. Well that would be the only thing I would do the whole summer.

I am learning many stuff everyday. This is the first time in my life that I am riding the MRT everyday. When I was younger I always have this strange thought at the back of my mind. I always have this idea that at some point the train would suddenly explode. I'm watching TV too much. That's why I hate watching the news. It's always depressing and terrifying... the worst part of it all... it's true.

I am also learning about rss and php now. Now I finally understoo how powerful those feeds are. So if you want to you could subscribe to my blog... hahaha.

I am never an internet addict but now I appreciate the things the web could do. Maybe someday I would become so tuned to it that it would finally make a permanent place in my life.

I am also learning a few flash. I could do a bouncing ball now. Hahaha. I know I'm still far from producing a music video or game but soon I'll get there. Soon.

I'm working on a website now. I just hope all would end well.

Trailer

2009-03-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

a movie created by my siblings and me....

somehow it is a Twilight parody... somehow

The aftermath of another winter thanksgiving

2009-02-14T23:48:00.000-08:00

“I would rather celebrate valentines WITHOUT a boyfriend than a winter thanksgiving with one at least I do not have to expect something and just be disappointed in the end.”

Warning I am not okay… so do not expect that you’ll like this… you have been warned.

I thought that if one would work hard then he or she would be rewarded in the end. This is the day I’ve been waiting for… where’s my reward?

I have never been selfish. I gave you love, support even help whenever you needed it… I gave you even more than what you could ask for and what do I get in return. NOTHING.

It’s not about the gifts that would wear out or the chocolate that you would eat and digest or even about the flowers that would wilt.

It’s making me feel I am special.

Why do I always have to be the one who is taking care of you? Between the two of us I am always the one who attends to your every needs. I always look after you, take care of you and try my very best until you are happy. I always worry about you, think about what is best for you and what would make you satisfied.

When is it that it is my turn?

When would you return the love I shower you with? Why wouldn’t you listen to me? Why don’t you let things go my way? Why don’t you surprise me in a good way? Why don’t you give even a little effort in making me happy?

All I want is to feel that I am loved even in the simplest way… I don’t want anything grand. I just want it to be sincere. I just want to feel that I have a reason to do the things I am doing now… I just want to feel I am loved.

Because I am sure as hell that love doesn’t hurt like this.

I am not sad though. I have finished crying my heart (even my lungs and eyeballs) out last night. I’ve passed through the hellish wave of emotions last night. Now I feel disappointed.

I’m disappointed in myself because I expected something from you.

I’m disappointed in you because you didn’t give me anything.

I’m disappointed in the whole human race because they’ve created this dillusional celebration called Valentines Day.

I am going to be selfish this time. I shall not blame myself. I’ll blame everyone.

Whenever someone needed my help I shall set aside whatever I am doing just to save that friend but now that I am plummeting into the pit of despair I could feel that I have no one to hold on to now.

I’m tired but I know that after everything… maybe tomorrow... I’ll go back to the usual happy me. No one would even know that I almost died last night when my chest was aching so much and I couldn’t breathe because of that suffocating pain that is ripping me apart…

Thank you showerhead for witnessing the torment I was enduring last night.

Thank you Tamad for listening to me this morning as I plan to murder everyone who enjoyed their Valentines… and when I was starting to sound like an atheist.

But no matter how you two were there… you never talked to me… you could never give me any advice or any verbal comfort –the thing I badly needed. You're just inanimate things that could only witness me burning from inside. But I would rather burn than to expect something from him... and be disappointed once more. Burning would guarantee my death... disappointment would never let me rest.

But at least I still have something (something not someone) to talk to...

I have no one human to talk to last night... it was crazy but I have no choice. I had no friends last night :)

Argh… this article is so incoherent… just like my thoughts. I put a warning on top right? Good.

I don’t even know why I am posting this.

Anyway to stop myself from saying any more stupid, emo and mushy words I’ll end by saying this:

Man had evolved to the point that they don’t need anyone anymore but just themselves… (as if someone would come to save me anyway… ) the point where the only comfort they could ever get is to cry in front of the shower and rant in front of a stuffed toy.

Stop ranting, stop praying, stop hoping… do something.

Dido

2009-01-04T15:33:00.000-08:00

My newest story is finished! Yey finally I can start writing another one. This story is entitled Dido:

Lawrence is the tutor of a girl named Fumi -a mysterious girl who resides in a supposedly cursed room. But Fumi is more than just weird and Lawrence can feel it. But will he find out the answers to his questions before he gets into something that he can't escape from or will the room's curse or get him first?

Traditional.vampire != Twilight.vampire;

2008-12-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

Before I hit the age of 17 or something closer I used to always wrap around my blanket or hair around my neck or sometimes I place my hands there whenever I sleep. I was always afraid back in those days that some sneaky creature would go inside my room and try to bite me in the neck. At least with something to cover it the creature might have a hard time biting it or at least

I would know… somehow.

Vampires. This kind of monster had scared the hell out of me as far as I can remember. Until now I am still afraid of them… I mean your blood being sucked to death is really a scary thing… but becoming one of them… bloodthirsty and monstrous… is even scarier.

I could remember myself back when I was still a child. I had written a story about vampires. After having consecutive nights of nightmares I burned it and scattered its ashes.

Knowing their weaknesses, as what books and movies had told me, made me feel at ease. They can’t hurt me when the sun is out (but what about fluorescent lights… maybe that’s the reason I don’t like sleeping in the dark… but that’s another story). They are afraid of garlic but I also don’t like to eat them. Crosses and prayers can kill them but some movies say they don’t… there goes my faith.

In the beginning I was truly scared of vampires… and then there was Twilight…

If you don’t know Meyer’s Twilight then you are really left behind. Even if you haven’t read the book or watched the movie… at least you might have heard of it… or have seen a crazy fangirl.

Twilight’s vampires are different from the vampires I had known and feared. They are not afraid of crosses. (sigh. I always believed that it could kill them. Sigh.) They don’t have fangs. They don’t turn into bats. (Yeah I watch cartoons… a lot!) They have venom in their teeth, which can be used to turn another person into a vampire (not the drinking of vampire’s blood thingy). Unlike a vampire story I know, they become more civilized when they drink animal blood and the opposite when they drink human’s blood. And the last one which I think differs them from the rest of the vampire world… they don’t die in the sunlight…they sparkle and shine. Nice eh?

Because of the story and the nature of the vampires in the story, Anne Rice babies (people who were raised knowing Lestat’s story) would think that Twilight is another fan fiction involving vampires… only proofread.

I once told a friend of mine the story of Twilight… he was rolling his eyes, looking at me incredulously and telling stories contradicting everything about the vampires in that story. He just asked me to narrate the story… we are not discussing vampire legend. I tried to not say anything that could lead into a serious debate. I had done that quite a lot before that encounter… and I don’t want to do it again.

I like Twilight and New Moon and Eclipse (especially Eclipse) and Breaking Dawn and probably Midnight Sun (if it would be published in this lifetime)… even if:

1) Their stories are somehow predictable. In Eclipse, I already know that it was Victoria

behind the newborns even before it crossed any of the characters’ minds.

2) Some of the characters lack development. Esme will forever just be a mother-figure… maybe because vampires are never-changing? And I dislike Bella’s clumsiness… it was as if she was born clumsy... she only became graceful when she turned into a vampire.

3) It’s a cheesy romance novel. If you don’t like this genre DON’T read any of the books!

4) It ruins the image of vampires. Most of my friends strongly agree with this.

5) The characters are Mary-Sue. *ehem* Edward Cullen *ehem*

Even with all these combined I still love the four Twilight books. I have to admit that I am an Edward fangirl and I’m proud of it. I love the way he cares about Bella. I love the way Edward overreact just so that she could be protected. Edward resembles all of my beloved characters thus, loving him more.

Every time I read the book I could almost see big hearts pouring from the story and hitting me. I like it. It was like cupid puncturing me with his heart arrows.

It is a good love story. I fell in love with the story that’s why I think it was well-written. Even until the end (Breaking dawn… also broke a lot of fan’s hearts) I still think that it was a good story.

Even though many people discourage me from reading Twilight I would still continue to be a fan of the movie and the books. I don’t care if they don’t like it whenever I squeal because of Edward or Carlisle Cullen. I don’t care… because I know that whenever I read the books I become happy. (happy can’t even cover that feeling) I know that whenever I feel sad watching the movie makes me feel a little better.

I am also grateful for Twilight because it made me less afraid of vampires. I am still afraid but at least I don’t wrap something around my neck anymore.

I had realized that vampires are truly fictional characters. They aren’t real... so people could create and recreate characters like that easily. We should not stick to believing that Lestat is the real vampire and Edward is a fake because we would never know who the real vampires are. We could never prove that either one is the real vampire. Maybe real vampires sparkle in the sun… we would never know. We just have to be open-minded. We may have our vampire preference but please try to respect other people’s reference. Humans are not the same… maybe vampires too.

So what if it’s not normal? So what if I’m acting like an addict? So what if I am a crazy drooling fangirl?

I know that when you have also found the story you would truly love you would understand how I feel. And if you ever find it I would not criticize or discourage you… because I know how you feel… we just have the different objects we focus this feeling on.

I respect the point of view of my friends regarding the whole vampire issue… but I sure hope that someday they would respect mine and leave my Edward alone.

This debate is not over yet. I know that there would soon be someone who would talk to me about this again… argh do I have to? I think this battle would only be over when reality would show what vampires truly are.

But I hope that would never happen.

--Ren

Uninstall

2008-08-30T06:19:00.000-07:00

I have not seen the anime but I loved the song...

random= new random();

2008-08-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

And here I thought that my dream of acting on that stage would come true… but I should’ve known better than to be part of a world that I chose not to be in…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My place is the world of science where everything must be accurate, precise, certain… a constant must only have one value and one value alone for if it has other values then the final answer might not be trusted at all.

Your place… well the arts with all its beauty and splendor is wonderful. One object can have many interpretations that depend on the emotions it stirs inside of people. Even if a thing can be of different value to different people it would still be considered significant.

As I stare onto your realm where fantasy and reality collide, I can’t help but wonder… what if I chose your world over mine?

Would I still be the same? Would I meet the same people? Could I become your friend?

I know that I do not have any right to not be contented. My world is as beautiful as yours so I don’t have any right to whine or complain.

I have my friends. You have yours. You have your things to do. I have mine.

I know that every now and then we would meet each other. Maybe at some diner or at the streets or even worse we might be seatmates in one of our classes. It may be too much but I would like to talk to you someday… like what we do with our friends.

But if I would be an unlucky man then I might not meet you at all. You would die without knowing that I lived. You would never know that there was a certain me who took interest to a certain you the moment I saw you on the stage. During that time when fantasy, the world I longed to be, took the whole of you and presented you in a different light. No! You would never know that because I wouldn’t let you. I would not let you know that there was a certain me who wanted so much to be in your world.

---------------------------------------------------------
By: Edralyn Lorenz O. Andrade
“The certain me who would certainly forget…”

I'm dying this day... I'm dying today

2008-07-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

Ikamamatay ko talaga ang mga miyerkules ko...

grabe ngayon lang ako nakapagpahinga..

Minamalas ata ako sa 124 at ayun nag system shutdown nanaman ang sanity ko ako sa huling mga minuto ng klase... kelangan ko na talagang pigilan yun.

Tapos sa 150 lab ayun wala pa rin... parang umuulit lang ang lahat last year the only difference ay hndi na Jam ang katabi ko kundi isang Chad na.

Buti na lang at nakabawi ako sa 150 lecture... eto ang masarap kapag inuulit mo na ang subject kasi naaalala ko pa rin ang mga piraso ng mga napag-aralan ko last year ha memorize ko pa nga formula nung Xr nung False position eh... my gawd!

natapos ko na ayusin electives ko kulang na lang ay pirma. Nakuha ko na groupings ko sa LTS2 at oo ikamamatay ko rin ang Lunes ko lalo na tuwing may exam...

hay naku buti naman nagawa ko lahat ng naka-lined up kong gagawin... bukas naman uli...

NEXT!

Start of a full blown... umm...

2008-06-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Classes are starting as well as the rainy days. I know that summer is finally over. I hope I could make this semester a truly memorable and enjoyable one.

I am taking LTS 2 (Literacy Training Service) where we would actually teach little children. Well, sometimes other LTS students are not teaching children... anyway I am so excited. I really wanted to be a teacher when I was young and enrolling in this is like making that dream sort of come true.

I just hope I would make a good job.

Aside from LTS all my courses are my majors. I sure hope I would not die because of that. Although I have not reached the required number of units I still feel that things would not be easy for me.

I just wanted to have something on my blog today that's why I wrote something now.

Wish me luck this sem!

Real air

2008-06-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

There was once a quote from the Matrix where Morpheus asked "Do you think that 's air you're breathing?" or something similar to that...

If he would ask me I would answer "No." What I am breathing right now is death.

I was riding an ordinary bus that time. Looking out the window I noticed how polluted the city is. When I look ahead all I can see are the cars hiding in the smoke they leave behind.

I hate how those vehicles give out black fumes... it is as if they want to kill everyone. Murderous people... and yet they don't even know that what they are doing is practically murder.

I yawned... in the middle of what I was doing I felt my chest hurt. I think I had inhaled some of the smoke. I hate that feeling...

If there was one thing that I don't like in this world that would be air pollution. It is just to much that it is not humane anymore. Many people die because of this problem and yet no one really pays that much attention too it. Especially the smokers.
I once saw a man with his child. The child was walking. I think the child was about 5-6 years old. It was a cute sight but the only thing I didn't like was the fact that the child's father was smoking while walking with her. Little did the father know he was already killing his daughter slowly.

Sigh. I still hope that there's a future for all of us... and I still believe that there would be a day that I would wake up breathing REAL air.

That day you told her to come with you

2008-06-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

This is a new story of mine... I finally finished it after many failed attempts of writing it. I don't want to write it at first because I think that it would not turn out good... but I wrote it anyway since I have no other story in in mind.

I don't know if it is good or not.

If you ever read this story please leave a comment. Thanks

I want to go to sleep!

2008-05-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

Hndi nanaman ako pumasok ngayon... hndi ko alam kung babawiin ko pa yung absent ko sa klase kahapon...

Hndi nanaman ako nakatulog ng matino kagabi at ang masama pa nun wala akong karamay sa aking pagpupuyat. Kelangan ko na talaga maibalik ang dati kong tulog kung hndi patay-patay ako pagdating ng pasukan.

Tinatapos pa rin namin ng mga kapatid ko yung videos na ibibigay namn kay papa... malapit nang mag-June at isa pa lang ang nagagawa namin. Pakiramdam ko nauubusan nanaman ako ng creativity... grr... kung meron man ako wala na siya ngayon.

As of now nag-aabang ako matapos ang dinadownload ko kaya ko lang naman kinuha yun ay para mainspire ako. Wala akong inspiration at dail dyan wala akong maisip na kakatuwa...

hay naku...

May post....

2008-05-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for quite a long time. I do not know what to write...

I am actually having classes this summer just to have something to do. I do not like it when I am getting bored. I also don't want to stay inside the house and do all the chores. Studying is actually one of my greatest excuse for not helping in those chores. I know I am evil....

After having more than 5 sessions here's a few things that I've learned.
1. Fixing a computer is quite easy... reading everything on the screen and listening carefully to the sounds the PC makes is the tricky part of it.
2. Installers... you can't get enough of it.
3. The motherboard is truly the mother of all boards...
4. If it does not sound the way it used to sound. It is probably broken.
5. If it does not look the way it used to look like. It is probably broken.

and a lot more...

>>>>>>
I've also finished one story... the next thing I'm going to do is post it here...

well that's all for tonight.

Just to have something this summer

2008-04-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

>>>>

Ayoko namang langawin blog ko di ba? So just to have something this vacation.

=^_^=

>>>>
I am not busy this summer actually I have nothing to do. I am even too lazy doing household chores because after doing those chores I am left with nothing to do.

I wonder if people could just stop eating. If we eat and do nothing we get fat because the carbohydrates in our body are not burned. Now since I do not have anything to do I would just stop eating!

I wish it would be possible. If I could do that then I do not have to get fat, I will also save a lot of money since I don't need to buy food.

It sounds like a great idea... but then again even if I am practically part of the bed I still get hungry.

I noticed how a lot of people today are already concerned with our environment. Well, ABOUT TIME PEOPLE!

I am not an environmentalist or something... I cannot even plant anything right. If I plant something they die. Anyway, I also care for the environment becaue first and foremost this is the only planet where we live. If we do nothing now and just destroy it who knows what will happen the next morning when we wake up.

We should all be thankful that we have something where we could stand on. We should be thankful that we can still breathe. We should be thankful that we are still alive.

And how do we show our gratitude? By not becoming greedy and doing our part. Even if it as little as walking if the destination is fit for human feet or putting your litter on the trash if everyone would do it then everything would add up and become a major conribution to the world.

I truly have nothing to do this summer... and as the result I tend to have these kinds of thoughts... grr...

but anyway, let just try to love our planet. We only have one planet so let's take care of it.

Philippines a Century Hence: Another point of view of another aspiring Filipina

2008-03-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

Probably ten or so years from now when supposed I would be living in another country and would be truly successful I would look at the Philippines and think about her. Do I still want to come back or not? Thinking about that issue I probably would remember that once upon a time during my crazy college days I took a subject called PI 100. Remembering so many things I learned from it, with all honesty, I may consider going back to that country and just become a Filipino once again no matter what that statement would mean. I hope that by that time if the Philippines will be in such a mess I would want to be a Filipino because I want to help my country get better or if the Philippines would be a prestigious country then I would become a Filipino because I’m proud of it.
Unlike Rizal I have no intention of become a clairvoyant. In his article “Philippines a century hence” it appeared that Rizal is a clairvoyant having such ideas of what the future is and becoming quite right about what he is saying. Rizal in some of his works had showed how much he cares about the future. In his diary he had already dreamt about his death during a rather odd night. In Philippines a century hence he is saying things that might happen to Philippines and some of the countries. In his novel El Filibusterismo he is thinking of what this fight should be and is suggesting of a revolution as an answer to it all. Again El Fili is his work for the future. He might not be saying things about computers, or playstations or internet that would probably make him look like a crazy fortune teller but at some point he seems to look like a fortune teller –an intelligent one.
Roman numeral number one talked about the past. He writes things about religion and stuff like that. Here he is actually interpreting how the Philippines had lost its legitimate civilization. Filipinos become enticed with what the foreigners could offer. She forgot about her religion, her lifestyle and her original form. Because of these foreigners she forgot about her freedom and slowly she even forgot about herself as the time goes by. Colonization is not the act of giving a civilization to those barbarians but rather it is the decline of the national spirit of the ones colonized. Even until today the Filipinos are still more interested in foreign bodies. They would rather have relationships with foreigners rather than Filipinos. They would rather buy an imported item than a “tatak pinoy”. They would rather praise other countries than their own. There may be a few who still go out in the open and declare their love for the motherland in their day to day life but most of the Filipinos I see now do not have the right to be called Filipinos.
Rizal also talked about in the first part about the efforts of the 19th century intellectuals, where he was one of them, on rescuing the country from decline and fall. They have enough ideas and love for their country to be called heroes but since what they are doing back then does not made the Philippines free it was as if it was all futile. Like now, there are some Filipinos who have the potential of a hero but most of the people around him would not dare recognize this and even put the flame of nationality out. It was like they are trying their best to pour water over the flame so that it would die out and the person would be like them –always searching for a light that they think could only be found in other countries. But the light is already inside our country and it is very near to us. We just have some trouble looking for it because we are putting it out slowly!
If everyone would just let the flame burn then the whole country might light up and outshine other countries. But then again... that is somewhat like a dream... so it seems.
Roman numeral number two investigates the Philippines’ status quo. It was the Philippines during Rizal present time. Like that what Simoun suggested in the Bapor Tabo that the Filipinos should be given more work and suffering. It might be because once the Filipinos reached their certain boiling point they would finally realize that they cannot take it anymore and just fight for their freedom. I think it is a nature of some people that they would just become martyrs and take and take all of it thinking that someday it would be better without even doing anything to make it better. And once these kinds of people snapped there would be chaos.
The uprising of an entire nation would just bring one thing and that is violence. If people would fight it is expected that lives would be lost, properties would be damaged and normal everyday living would not be normal. But if this is the only way to make things better then so be it. However, not everyone is thinking that fighting is a solution. To some people fighting and dying in fight is the noblest thing to do. It is an honor to die fighting. Surrender and lost is such an embarrassment to the point that they would rather kill themselves than to succumb under another flag.
However like I said there are other people who believe that there is another way. Because for them life is important and every life should be saved. Death in the battlefield is just wasting your life without even knowing what your death could mean. In this part, Rizal seemed to hesitate probably because he did not want too much bloodshed. Because of this some people would think that Rizal is a coward. But he isn’t he just thinks that life is important and a blood bath is unnecessary.
The next Roman numeral talked about reforms. Rizal is a reformist, like what almost everyone thinks about him. This part showed him that he is at some point a reformist. If a war will not solve anything then let’s just make reforms. It is a peaceful and logical way. It is these intellectuals that think like these. Somehow it makes sense I mean people are logical creatures, since that is what separates us from animals, that maybe we can just talk things out to make them better. Humans are bounded by their laws and with these laws we can change the world. Humans are capable of thinking of ways can help him in making his life more comfortable and by putting it into black and white the word can be eternal. It is something that even as time passes by the people could still see it. Like what Rizal did in his novels. He might knew that he would die someday since everyone dies somehow so he made sure that he would leave something behind. Again, Rizal is thinking about the future. Because of all the things he left behind the people of the future became aware that someone as brave, as intelligent and as controversial as him existed. For him he might’ve done that on purpose because he did not want to be forgotten as the years go by.
Like I was saying the third part talked about reforms. He listed reforms. There can be a way that we can acquire freedom without wasting so many lives. And that is probably what he wanted.
The last Roman numeral is where he takes a world historical view. He is talking about more counties here and how their co-existence in this world would affect one another. It is the role of the Philippines to its neighbouring country and to Spain. It is also about Spain and the countries that she wanted for herself. Somehow this is the future part of the article. In here he was suggesting of what things to come may be. Of what would be of China, Japan etc.
Philippines a century from now... what kind of Philippines would it be? Would it still exist in the map the first place? Will its territory be bigger or smaller or non-existent? Will the people there suffer or be in bliss. I am not a fortune teller that could foresee of what things to come will be but I don’t know I still think that the Philippines would still exist a century from now. The people living in it will still be called Filipinos and the people there would be contented with what they have with a sense of being competitive when it comes to International market.
I just hope what I think is right for maybe some years after when I am already successful I shall visit the Philippines with a smiling face or who knows maybe I do not need to leave the Philippines in the first place.

>>>
This is my essay for my class Philippine Institutions 100...ehehehe

The Passionate Shepherd to his Love

2008-03-15T00:59:00.000-07:00

The Passionate Shepherd to his Love

Come live with me and be my love,

And we will all the pleasures prove,

That valleys, grives, hills and fields,

Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the rocks,

Seeing shepherd feed their flocks,

By shallow rivers, to whose falls,

Melodious birds singing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses,

And a thousand fragrant posies

A cap of flowers and a kirtle

Emroider'd all with leaves if myrtle.

A gown made of the finest woll,

Which from our pretty lambs we pull;

With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and ivy buds

With corals clasps and amber studs;

And if these pleasures may thee move;

Come like with me and be my love.

The shepherd swains shall dance and sing

For thy delight each May morning;

If these delights thy mind may move,

Then live with me and be my love.

---Christopher Marlowe

Just a quote

2008-03-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

-Alexander Pope

This quote was also used in the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

Just last night...

2008-03-09T23:14:00.000-07:00

I just read the blog of one of my beloved teachers in CMSC... and I was inpired to write this entry.

In just a few hours March 10 na... nag-uusap kami magroroommates tungkol sa enlistment. This registration is a race. Parang sa mga panahon na ito nag-aabsent ang mga estudyante... yumayaman ang mga com shop at bumabagal ang wifi sa di maipaliwanag na dahilan.

Pagkatapos nito aatakihin nanaman ang SystemOne. I cannot understand them... ok I am also irritated when I am underloaded or when I am not given the subject I wanted but that does not mean we should go online and curse the system. It is the system or OCM (online change of matriculation) who is at fault. Why don't students consider themselves guilty? They fail. They get grades like INC and 4. But they do not see that it is because of those that they are having problems.

Nakakairita rin na may mga tao na natatanga sa Internet. May mga naririnig ako na "Pano ba gamitin itong SystemOne na ito?"

umm... na-try niyo na ba ang Help page? If I remember it right merong ganung page dun...
sometimes even if they are already in front of the help page they still rant about they cannot understand.

PEOPLE! YOU ARE UP STUDENTS! TRY TO COMPREHEND WHAT YOU ARE READING... or at the first place read!

...and some students are bashing something that they don't even know... Ignorance is bliss, ne?

When it comes to problem... I've also experienced some...

"LECHE! NADIDISSOLVE SECTION KO! MADIDISSOLVE NA RIN AKO!"

"WAAH!!!! ANG BAGAL NG NET KO! ANG BAGAL NG NET! MAUUNAHAN NA AKO!"

but I do not blame anyone without proof because in the end I might end up looking stupid.

Hear me out!

2008-03-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

There are some people who rarely gives out their opinions. If they ever give out their opinions to others then it just goes to show that the person they are saying those stuff is a very important person for them.

Some people just want to be heard. Some people are not assertive enough to speak their minds but that does not mean that their ideas are not worth hearing. Sometimes it is those people whose ideas have more meaning than those people who always speak up.

So if you know someone who speaks his or her mind rarely and disagrees with you don't fight back at once. It's either hear his or her side first then provide an intellectual argument or try to think and re-think about his opinions.

Random event

2008-03-02T00:48:00.000-08:00

I did not expect that before I would go home I would first swim in a resort.

It was fun. I was supposed to not talk to him the whole holy week vacation. But since we went to a resort... my plan changed.

We had the whole resort to ourselves. It is like reserving the whole resort or rather it is as if we own it.

It was truly an experience especially the part when I was just sitting on the hot spring with him.

Because of that I would like to add another long term goal... and that is to have a swimming pool [or a hot spring] outside my house... in the backyard to be precise.

And if I would like to relax I would just go there and relax.

The days in the life of Ms. Eds

2008-02-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

I spent my weekend in his house. It was because he was going to celebrate his birthday before the actual date of his birth.

It was fun. I came over my shyness after a while. I cannot understand what I am being shy about. I suddenly can't speak with these people all of a sudden. I'm not really friendly but most of the time I talk to totally random strangers when necessary (like ambush interviews, meetings, etc.) But at that instant I suddenly became silent and was having a hard time to mingle.

I also learned from that weekend what men talk about when they are at their most comfortable manner. I don't know what I would think. I don't even know if I was inspired to become a boy even more or was I disappointed.

Anyways we still celebrated his birthday yesterday with some wine, cookies and cotton candies. I never really liked the taste of alcohol. *werk*

The UPLB Feb Fair is now on going. I cannot wait for our cosplay day. I know it would be a lot of fun!

Something about cosplaying...

2008-01-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

Today I got my costume. I am going to cosplay Suiseiseki from Rozen Maiden. I don't know if I would give that character justice. I just hope I do.
If there is something wrong about cosplaying it is the fact that some people don't give justice to the character they are cosplaying. No matter how people say that they don't look a bit like the character they are cosplaying they still go on and cosplay. I think it is a strange kind of courage and a lot of passion. No matter how we think that what they are doing is wrong I think we should give them a chance. We cant do anything if they are too skinny, or too fat... if they are took dark-skinned or too white... if they are not of the right gender...
I think cosplaying is just a matter of bringing out the passion burning inside each cosplayer's heart.
We should not discourage one who wants to cosplay it's like putting out their burning passion. However if you really think that the world would laugh at your friend like the way you are laughing then tell him or her the honest truth. Just don't discourage him or her.
I would like to post some pics of my costumes... note COSTUMES but cosplayer NOT INCLUDED!

A boring yet very busy day...

2008-01-14T22:48:00.000-08:00

I have lots of things to do today. First, I have to study for my exams tomorrow. Then I also need to practice my story for an activity in SPCM1. I also need to fins a sponsor for our activity of the org. I wish I could graduate right away but then again after I graduate I will work and have lots of things to do again. So what do I really want? Death?

>>>>

Yesterday we were talking about PMS or Personal Mission Statement. It was our quiz and here is my answer:

"My personal mission is to die -to die knowing that I've already done what I want and need to do... to die knowing that the people I love would be happy even without me."

Frankly, what I really want in life is to be rich and to publish at least one novel. I would even be happier if my novel would become a best-seller or better -a movie! But all those are just dreams.

I don't really care for I admit that I am a dreamer and as a dreamer dreaming is what I do the best.

However being a pro dreamer (as if there is one... well maybe) you should show the world (or at least a percentage of it) that you've already accomplished your dream.

Random post... random thoughts... in this ever so random life.

The Nymph's Reply to the shepherd

2008-01-14T00:35:00.000-08:00

The Nymph's Reply to the shepherd

If all the world and love were young

and truth in every shepherd's tongue,

These pretty pleasures might me move,

To live with thee and be thy love.

Times drive the flocks from field to fold,

When rivers rage, and rocks grow cold,

And Philomel becometh dumb;

The rest comlpains of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields

To wayward Winter reckoning yields;

A honey tongue, a heart of gall,

Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall

Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy beds of roses,

Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies,

Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten,

In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,

Thy coral clasps and amber studs,

All these in me no means can move,

To come to thee and be thy love.

But could Youth last, and Love still breed,

Had Joys no date, nor Age no need,

Then these delights my mind might move,

To live with thee and be thy love.

---Sir Walter Raleigh

The UP Diliman Trip

2008-01-05T00:40:00.000-08:00

I have no more money. If I were that rich then I would go to MOA [Mall of Asia] or some other malls out of whim... but I was forced to go to Diliman... and it turned out to be one hell of an adventure.

oble... the UPD version

We woke up extra early that day... no matter how freezing the temperature is or how cold the morning shower is... we still managed to wake up and get ready to leave the vicinity of UPLB.

<---this is my roommate Airish... she's inside the bus. ^_^

We took the HM bus until SM Megamall then took another bus so that we could take a jeep to go inside UP Diliman. UPD is not that different from my beloved UPLB... even though considering biases of course I would say that UPLB has a more pleasant atmosphere than that of Diliman.

Ecay, Airish and Maia while waiting for another roommate--->
(wala pang suklay yan! >.<)

So then after seeing ate Sheila we went to the Main Library. Since my ID was not validated I cannot enter the building (stupid Ren-chan!). So Ate Sheila and I went to a random computer shop and searched the net. We went back to the Main Lib so that we could all eat our lunch. Since they were taking too long Ate Sheila and I decided to eat before them.

We then decided to go to Palma Hall next so that Ecay could look for the book she needed for her research. She was having a hard time maybe because her topic is not that easy to find. However, Palma Hall and all it's rooms... well except for the C.R.... are closed. It's a Saturday. Understandable.

see we're walking.... XD

We then walked and walked, trying to find libraries and the references we need.

I don't know... I think we're lost.

But thanks to modern technology and of course the cellphone we did not get lost. You see Ate Sheila has a friend who works in Diliman and my high school classmate goes to Diliman. So we were both texting them for directions. Good thing we did not really got lost.

We then went to the College of Arts and Letters. We found nothing there. It was really quiet since there are no students. I also like LB this way. I like people but sometimes too much makes me want to kill them all... just joking. I just don't want too much noise those people make.

The roads even look cleaner when no one is around. Or maybe it is really clean. We then walked and walked. On Tuesday the University of the Philippines will be celebrating its 100 years. Too bad. This clean road will soon turn out to be a nightmare. I can imagine plastic bottles and trash everywhere. I just hope that the people would try to lessen their trash. It is such a pity that other people cannot appreciate cleanliness like this.

When we finally got hungry... err... again. We ate Pringles! Ate Sheila prefers the green one but since I was with Airish when she bought the Pringles I picked out my favorite flavor -original! I love red. I also love Pringles.

<---me and my one true love. XD

So we ate and sat. Our feet are already sore from all that walking. Since the sun is setting we decided to go home already. We still have a long way to go back to our beloved UPLB. We decided to ride an MRT. Actually this was the first time I would ride it without my parents. I was a little scared. Added to that fact I also saw three firefighter truck while we were going to the terminal. Is that an omen? I hope not. But when we got there it was fine. We rode the MRT and got to our destination in no time. We sat on the cart where only females are allowed. In that way we can avoid being crowded.

We then went to SM Megamall. Since Maia and Ecay must go home early they decided to leave us in SM. There we ate dinner and then went home.

It was a very tiring day but it was fun.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Related videos...(Parental Guidance is recommended ^_^;)

Vid part1

Vid part2

part 3

First day of classes for the year 2008

2008-01-02T23:33:00.001-08:00

This is the view of the Humanities Building when you are sitting at the stairs in Pisay... Only on UPLB!

That is right folks... classes are finally starting.

Although I know what I want to do from now on -to be more studious and try to be wiser or something like that, I still don't know when and how I'm going to start that. It's not a New Year's resolution since I know that having one would not have any effect on me but it's more of a self-reminder.

I hope this oncoming year (2008) would have a good effect on me... I also hope to pass all my subject now.

I found it weird to talk about taking double-degrees... I don't want to study [again] after college. I don't really mind that I can't apply all the things I have learned from my lessons because I know that I'll have some use for it some day... and I don't really mind being famous. I just want to have money to live I don't want to be rich.
Okay, I have a dream or two but I know that it would not come true as of now... that's why I hate the future it makes people even more conscious that they are not contented of what they have as of the moment... but then again... looking into the future makes you try to think of what you're next setp would be.

I know what exactly my next step would be and that is to publish this post. I take everything a step at a time. I plan the moment I wake up and check before I go to sleep if my plans were fulfilled. Yes, I only have short term goals but that can keep me functioning until the day I die.

As for my long term goals... this is not the right time to think about it.

Sometimes I hate myself because of this. I seem to slack off... but then again... not.

Something to think about

2007-12-23T00:32:00.000-08:00

Do you believe in destiny? I do. I think even if we try to run away from it we are still destined somehow to run away from it. There is such a thing as freewill... being a Christian I truly believe that God gave us a sense of choice.

However, you can't blame me from believing in destiny. There are some things that even coincidence can't understand or explain. There are some events, some group of people, some interactions, some things that are so coincidental or accidental that it must me fate.

The thought of destiny is also for the romantic type. It's one of the most common theme in novels about love. It is also good to think that there is someone out there that is meant to be your partner. But, as we now, life is never fair. Have you ever considered that maybe it is also your destiny to be alone? Have you ever thought that your destiny might not even be close to a happy ending?

I have thought about that many of a times. It was something worth thinking about.

Although I hate thinking... but that is another story... another article perhaps?

I've also been trying to predict my destiny and I have not been close to anything at all. If I were able to rpedict my destiny then what's the fun in that?

I don't like knowing what the future brings. If you already know what's going to happen tomorrow then you might not want to live at all. I think that is also the reason why people enjoy their lives. It is because everyday is a new day. Everyday is something new. "You can't step on the same river twice," as one philosopher would put it. You would have a reason to live your life because you don't know what tomorrow would bring. Am I being to optimistic? Probably. BUT if destiny already have a plan for us... or even God for that matter have already laid out our schedule for our whole life then won't it be a spoiler for you to know what it already is.

So what if you know that you're going to die someday... do you know how? Or when?

Christmas post

2007-12-21T18:00:00.000-08:00

Christmas is certainly one of the Holidays I would never ever trade for. First, because as a Christian it is the day that the Lord was born... of course some would say that it is not the exact day He was born... but if we go deeper into those complications then we might never celebrate His birthday. Second, because like any other occasion it is one reason where I can be happy for no particular reason. I like that.

I've been reading Artemis Fowl again. I think I was reading the same book last Christmas. But then again that Christmas was different from now.

It's only four days until Christmas but you could already feel it in the air. No matter how many times I am reminded that the world is rotting and that the people here are becoming poorer or life is becoming tougher, I would be forced to dismiss that thought because of the things I see around me.

I wonder why people always have that queer sense of happiness. Like I said, this is the season when one can smile for no particular reason. It is a holiday so we are all [forced] to be happy.

I like Christmas but sometimes I like the days before Christmas more than the day itself. It is the preparations for the grand day that makes it more exciting. The lights, the songs and, of course, the gifts. It is the preparation of these things that makes Christmas... well Christmas.

I also like Christmas because during these days I could finally rest. I tend to forget about everything about my school whenever I am home. That is why as much as possible I don't go home even if my house is only a couple of hours (say three hours) from LB. I just don't like to think about my acads when I'm home. Hey I'm home so I should rest and just be happy. When I'm home I can be myself again. I don't need to worry about who is looking at me, what other think of me or why I am like this... at home I can be me. The real me that my parents are required to accept.

Well I may not have the chance to write this Christmas... but oh well...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

Random again...

2007-12-13T23:49:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes life just makes me sick,
Makes me vomit really quick
Makes me jump and scream and fly...
Malabo ang buhay."

I was really nervous. It was already 2:00 and my topic for my Technical Writing course was still senseless. I don't know anything interesting about my course. BS Computer Science and I can't think of a topic?! I can't believe that I've been studying for three years and I can't apply what I've learned! How can I go on being like this? Would I survive? What about my SP or thesis?

I don't like being reminded of the fact that after I graduate I would actually put to use all these things that I've been cramming for three years so that I could put food into me and my family's mouth. It is in these hands and brain that I would entrust my life in that cruel outside world.

And so in the end, I thought about a rushed topic. I would just edit it again next week. All I want is to have something to pass when my professor asks about this requirement of the day.

Swimming

2007-05-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

Nagswimming kami ni Jeo sa Villa Celedonia. Kahit na sinabi ko kay mama na madami kami... sa totoo lang dalawa lang kami ni Jeo. Masaya at malabo ang araw na ito. Ngayon ko lang napansin na isa akong mabait na babae. Kasi may isang grupo ng mga lalaki na nasa tabi namin. Grabe ang sasaya nila masyado. At sa isang hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan lagi na lang sila nakikisama sa amin ni Jeo. Tinuturuan ko sana si Jeo na lumangoy pero pati yung isa sa mga lalaking iyon ay gusto na rin na magpaturo sa akin. Grabe nga eh. Hindi ko naman sila kilala tapos feeling pa. Pero sa totoo lang hindi talaga ako naasar kasi ewan nakakatuwa sila. Simpleng manyak nga lang.

WALA SILANG KARAPATAN NA HAWAKAN ANG PAA KO!!!!!!

Anyways... natutuwa ako kasi tinuruan ako ng Jeo ng onti sa paggigitara. Ang sakit sa kamay. Medyo nagets at naaalala ko. Hindi nga ako makapaniwala na seseryosohin ko yun. Kasi minsan kaya hindi ako natututo ay dahil hindi ko sineseryoso ang mga nagtuturo sa kin. Wow! Kaseryoso-seryoso pala si Jeo. Hindi ko alam yun ah.

Sa isang mundong pinapagalaw ng salapi hindi ko sukat akalain na may naniniwala pa pala sa barter trade. Kasi nagkulang ang pera namin ni Jeo sa pamasahe. At dahil jan... binayaran namin yung driver ng kulang pero bilang kabayaran sa iba ay binigyan namin siya ng tinapay. Mukha nga silang tuwang-tuwa. Ganon siguro talaga ang mga gutom. Pero masaya dahil nakauwi kami ng matino dahil dun.

Sorry

2007-05-06T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for making this site my online rant-journal.

I'm really sorry but as a human being you also know how important it is to express yourself. Especially if you can't speak about it in the real world.

>>>>>I'm waiting for another post after that I swear I'll post this one<<<

To those two boys who are always talking about XP/Nya,

I am humbly asking you two to stop it. I know that you two really fantasize about that girl too often but you don't really have to let the whole org know about it.

Sometimes whenever I'm reading those posts I'm doubting if you are the ones writing it. You two sound like two drooling perverted stalkers. I swear when that girl joins I shall tell her your codenames and make her read each and every post that you have written about her. I doubt if those fantasies would ever come true now... well unless if she is nice or naive.

Stop being insensitive creatures! Don't you know that you are already hurting or annoying other people because of what you are writing? Well if you don't know... I'M ONE OF THEM!

I'm sorry for being jealous! I'm just another girl right? Too useless to be of your concern. But if that is the case then stop making me feel like I am significant to the both of you. If you want to then please stop treating me as your friend. You're just hurting me everytime I see you two going on and on about her.

I know I'm not alone for I have already had a talk with another person who is annoyed with you two.

"Ang bait mo talaga kung ako yun hindi ko na kakausapin ang dalawang yun."

Maybe I should take that advice. It's really annoying listening to the both of you.

---REN---

>>>>
To someone I call kuya,

I miss you. But do you miss me too? You always say that but you act otherwise. Sometimes I even think all you tell me are lies. But I still believe in you... because I have to. For if I start to stop trusting you, then how can I say that I love you?

What I really miss is the man you are a year ago. Maybe before you were possessed by your ego. Can you remember your promise to protect me? That's the reason why I trusted you fully.

But somehow I think time made you get used to me especially when I cry. Or was that how you show your affection as time goes by? Is hurting me your way to show that I'm important? Or you just want me to be your servant?

Since you want to conquer the world or become its ruler whatsoever. I think I should think about it over. I shall let you go on to do whatever you want. And tell you how I feel... I shan't. But when the time comes I shall say goodbye... I think. For you might actually lose me in just a single blink of an eye.

I know that you're just lonely for I am too. But that's the reason why you found me and I found you. Don't you realize that I'm here all along? You're searching for a friend, am I wrong? But can I not be that friend you're looking for? Or do I still have to beg?

I know that I may not be enough. I'm not that smart nor that tough. I know there are many things we cannot understand about each other. And that makes us fight even longer. But believe me when I say that I love you. For that is the only thing in my life that is ever true.

Please change and try to understand. All you need to do is talk to me and lend me your hand. I'm listening, you know I do. And for the last time I shall say to you...

I miss you a lot even more than you know.

-Yume
-------------------

^Why do I feel like all the ends of the sentences rhyme? Oh well... maybe it's just my imagination

>>>>

Again sorry for ranting. You could not read this if you don't want to. I'm not forcing you. But remember this: I'm just a human... I have a heart too.

I like talking to you... i think

2007-05-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

It hurts...

something inside of me hurts but I cannot pinpoint what exactly it is.

He is slowly hurting me without him knowing it. He doesn't have any right to hurt me for he is only a friend. But his words hurt. They hurt so much that I truly want to cry.

"Your tears make me laugh."

How do you know that I'm faking it? Can you feel what I am feeling?

Some people think that they know everything but they are totally WRONG! No man can know everything. Do you know the name of the Taho vendor that passed by the hospital 20 meters away from our house?

If you do... then... do you know when exactly the Taho vendor shouted the first "tahooooo" this week?

If no then... See! I told you so! Hehehehe

If yes then you must be that stupid taho vendor.

But my point really is that you can never know everything because you don't need to know it. What you already know and what destiny would let you know may suffice already.

I think I should stop ranting now... this feeling might even be worse than I think.

Quotes

2007-05-03T05:38:00.000-07:00

Finally I'm home.

My province by the way is Leyte which is almost a one day trip from my home. We ride on the bus to get there then we get aboard a ship to cross the island and then ride the same bus again.

(The bus also goes inside the ship. So it is the same bus)

So we should basically live in that bus for almost one day.

D'arvit!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Evil wins only when Good men do nothing."
-sticker on the wall of the bus

"He who walks honestly, walk secretly"
-it's a proverb... i think

"Una naging kaibigan kita
Ikalawa nagka-crush ako sa iyo

baka sa ikatlo ma-inlove na ako nyan sa iyo."
-galing sa kapatid ko for his special cheverlou

"There are a thousand and one ways to kill a person

and one of those is to make that person fall in love with you."
-dreamt of that quote

"How can you make my stupid name sound so beautiful?"

"... it was beauty that killed the beast."
-King Kong

What C is doing to us

2007-03-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

Kuya and I were walking and talking about our debts to each other...

I owe him 71 pesos and so I gave him 100 pesos...

I forgot what is 100-71...
That was so funny and stupid at the same time.

We really forgot even he does not know the answer. We looked for a claculator but we did not find anything.

Generating a for loop to imitate a summation..

int num=100-71;
int i;
int sum;

for(i=0;i<=num;i++){
sum=sum+i;
}

printf("%d", sum);

Output: 29

We really generated a code but then after that we end up using the calculator function in his cellphone...

and got 29.

Stupid ne?

Pan

2007-03-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

Peter Pan is a boy who never grows up. That is the first implication of the author that the story (Peter Pan) is about getting old and how people always have a fear about it.

I think a character on the movie "Finding Neverland" also noted something about time and how it always chase us.
I believe that the crocodile chasing Capt. Hook is the symbolism used for this. That animal has a clock inside of him that's why whenever Hook hears clocks ticking he always fears that the crocodile is near to eat him.

->>Captain Hook and the other pirates (but mainly capt hook) represents the grown-ups. The desire of Capt. Hook to know how Peter could fly or his desire to get Peter Pan is like how older people would want to trade places with younger ones...

Why is it that when we grow older we can never grow younger?

I do not know why I suddenly thought about Peter Pan. This is one of my favorite books. I always loved the adventure part... but maybe inside of me I also wish that I could always stay young.

Growing older may mean that you could do more things but somehow it is always better to be an innocent child again. (Maybe for me) Children have less worries and are more carefree. They do not need to worry about anything else -or rather that is what it should be...

waah I have to stop thinking about Peter or Neverland...

for no matter how I try to get younger I would continue to change... to grow...

to learn more things...

to do more things...

to become more mature...

but for short to get old

Nickname Ate

2006-12-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

"This technique is really effective but be warned... the power of suggestion is stronger than you think."

Filipinos are known to be polite. We have gestures and such just to show that we are respecting our elders. We have different honorifics that we attach or replace to a person's name. Ate meaning older sister was and always will be the title invested upon me by my parents.

I don't know but sometimes people would bother to insist upon a child the certain title. Parents think that by calling their first child ate or kuya the next child would be forced to call him or her the same. Well, they were right. The younger sibling would call the older one ate or kuya however sometimes the younger sibling would only do that because he or she thinks that the title is the older one's name.
That is the reason why there are some kids (really young children) who do not know the real name of their older sibling. Some children are also like that to their parents.

Situation 1:

Teacher: what's the name of your mother?
Child: Mama
Teacher: I need her name, child. I know she is your mama.
Child: Mama? Am I wrong? *looking like about to cry*
Teacher: No, but what's her name?
Child: Mama *smiling...big smile* Her name is mama.

As the child grows he or she would learn that her mother's name is NOT mama and the older sibling has a name that is relatively similar to him or her.

Calling someone ate or kuya just so his or her younger sibling would also call him or her that is so effective that even the parent would get used to calling his or her child ate or kuya. Sometimes it is too effective that you would soon realize that everyone inside your house (if your dog can talk maybe he would be included too) is calling you ate. It is quite weird because they're hellot older that you.

Situation 2: My Tita was about to sleep. Sorry no translation for this.
Tita: Ne, pakigising ako pag nag-ring cellphone ko.
Ako: Sige po. (That was supposed the end of the conversation)
Tita: Kasi baka tumawag Ate- mo.
Ako: Sige po.
Inner ako: WHO THE HELL IS ATE-! ==>I would love to call her ate... but I want to call her ate when I meet her. I don't even know her!

Situation 3: A child inside our house and I were happily eating.

Person 1: ATE! Tapos ka na?
Both of us: Hindi pa.

D'ARVIT! I also looked. The person who said that was the child's (who was also an ate in her family) mother. SHE WAS TALKING TO HER NOT ME!!! ARGH!

Anyway what I just want to stress out is that let us teach the child respect. Let us tell the child at once why he or she should call his or her older siblings ate or kuya and not just because they always hear it from their parents.

--an ate myself